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Original poster

Guy who ghosted me got back in touch... WWYD?

269 replies

Ghosteddramas · 02/02/2020 02:21

Started seeing a guy back in October who I met online. Both of us recently divorced and agreed we weren’t wanting to jump in to anything too serious. We’d usually meet every week or so (with minimal text contact every few days or so in between dates) - dates were always great fun, lots of chemistry and would end with amazing sex. Last date was just before Christmas when he took me away for the weekend, we stayed in a lovely hotel together and was wined and dined. After returning home he messaged to say what a great time he had and I responded agreeing and asking whether he was free to meet again on a proposed date in between Christmas and new year (he’d initiated the last date, so felt like my turn). He responded to say that unfortunately he already had family plans that day. He didn’t propose an alternative date, so I just responded saying that it was no problem. Christmas and new year passed and I heard nothing from him at all, in fact I heard nothing from him again until today when he messaged me out of the blue asking how I was and mentioned that if I’d like to meet up again to just let him know. No explanation as to the lack of contact.

I’m in two minds as I very much enjoyed our dates and the arrangement we had going. I felt a bit disappointed that he just disappeared. At the same time though, I’m not sure allowing myself to be dropped and picked back up again on a whim is a very respectful thing to do to myself and wonder whether I should just leave it in the past. Would really appreciate your advice/what others would do in my position.

OP posts:
DoctorHildegardLanstrom · 02/02/2020 08:20

Christ stop playing games, if you wanted to hear from him, you should have messaged him. You didn't, or you were not fussed, so you didn't message him.

Both or neither are in the wrong.

For all those saying he just wants a shag, maybe he is just trying a final message to see if she is interested and she didn't ghost him

gamerchick · 02/02/2020 08:22

He wants a shag definitely. See this type of thing would suit me if I wanted no strings.

Do you though? I mean it's February now and he said no to your suggestion for the last date and you haven't heard from him since. That's rude really, I could see this happening again. How does he not know you've met someone else in the meantime?

Saddler · 02/02/2020 08:24

I don't think he's ghosted your I think neither of you have been in touch and he's taken the initiative and text you

Mustardfan · 02/02/2020 08:25

I also can see reasons why you should give this another chance. You said you are both recently divorced, so you are both adjusting to your new lives and dating again. Christmas might have been a downer for him. I also feel that you could in a way be considered to have ghosted him, you didn’t suggest he offer an alternative date or text Christmas or New Year wishes. If he wasn’t really ready for a relationship before, he might be now. You said you had a really good time with him.

x2boys · 02/02/2020 08:25

Up to you what you do ,if our want something very casual go for it ,but in my single days I met loads of men like this and wasted to much time pursuing a relationship with men that just were not that interested ime this type of fling will go no where but if your happy with that ?

Sharkyfan · 02/02/2020 08:26

I’m also not sure if I would call that ghosting? You just didn’t text each other?
I’d you liked him wouldn’t you have texted happy Xmas or new year, then if you didn’t hear back that would have been clear.
Sounds like things just drifted a bit.

But I am not experienced in these matters!

theendoftheendoftheend · 02/02/2020 08:26

A friend of mine got ghosted once, I thought it was highly suspicious. Then he got back in touch with what I thought was a highly spurious explanation. I thought the whole thing had red flags all over it. Anyway they are very happily married now he's a nice chap, so it might be worth not presuming anything straight off and actually talking to him.

Interestedwoman · 02/02/2020 08:28

He's a user. If he wasn't st first, he became one. If you start dating/shagging him again, you know he will just disappear again when he feels like it. That's disrespectful.

pinksparkleunicorns · 02/02/2020 08:31

I'd give him another chance. Sounds like you ghosted him too a bit!

YellowJellyfish · 02/02/2020 08:31

Some people on here don't know what ghosted means and have absolutely no self respect.

If someone doesn't text you back, they are not that into you. OP had the sense not to chase! All those saying she ghosted him .. WHAT???

Don't bother replying. He's after a quick shag!!

Block and move on.

Shamazing · 02/02/2020 08:32

I wouldn't bother getting back in touch tbh. Purely because if the lack of contact didn't bother you, you would have thought 'Oh it's X, will be nice to see him again', without thinking that you hadn't heard from him in weeks. A casual arrangement is fine, but there does need to be some kind of 'expectation' for both of you IMO. Having said that, you could have contacted him too?

My first thought that he'd met someone else and it hadn't worked out with them.

Techway · 02/02/2020 08:33

Op, your instinct is that it isn't respectful so listen to that. You know what the expectation was in the last communication exchange so don't now doubt yourself.

Always listen to yourself, you thought we were ghosted.

cansu · 02/02/2020 08:34

Sounds to me like he started seeing someone else which didn't work out and so he is back to you. I wouldn't as he was really an arse to just drop you.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 02/02/2020 08:40

You are plan B
Fine if all you are after is a shag as that is what he is offering. If you think this has any chance of being a committed relationship then you are kidding yourself.

madcatladyforever · 02/02/2020 08:40

I wouldn't spit on someone who ghosted me. It's such a cowardly and nasty thing to do. My ex husband did it to me and I'll never speak to him again.

thickwoollytights · 02/02/2020 08:41

You haven't been ghosted

You have been ignored for a month while he dated someone else

Now that has (presumably) stopped/ended and he's decided to give plan B (you) another go

Lucky you ConfusedHmm

PrinkingPreening · 02/02/2020 08:43

I think it depends what you want.

If you want an actual relationship then I would ignore his message (or send the "isn't going to work for me" message suggested by PP).

If you really don't care about him and just want to meet up for fun and sex, then I would respond (although I'd wait a week or so before responding, so as not to seem desperate).

Basically he doesn't see you as a real relationship, or as anything that might turn into a real relationship.

x2boys · 02/02/2020 08:43

And tbh,in the early days relationship,s shouldn't be hard work ,I spent too many years wondering wether various men really liked me and trying turn casual flings into something more ,when I met dh it just felt right ,from the start there was none of the messing around playing games nonsense that I was used to we both knew what we wanted phoned when we said we would etc and whilst no relationship is perfect we have been together for 15 years now.

KatherineJaneway · 02/02/2020 08:45

I wouldn't reply or if I did I'd say 'Who dis?' Then block him.

I wouldn't allow someone back in who behaved like that towards me.

wonkytonkwoman · 02/02/2020 08:50

Sounds to me like he chose not to keep up the pattern of contact with you (the reasons for that are neither here nor there in my view) and he's put a feeler out to test the waters.

In his head this is a casual arrangement that you and he can opt into, or out of, when you want to - and his new message tells you that.

If I felt I had to ask people about this, It'd be a red flag that I was in more deep than the other person and probably best to avoid. But it's up to you, OP.

ukgift2016 · 02/02/2020 08:52

Be very wary. I agree with the others that during this time he was focusing his attention on another woman, that did not work out so he is back.

If you do meet up again, no sex for a long time. He very well may run away again once he realises sex is not on the cards.

Snowman123 · 02/02/2020 08:56

Is this guy called Brian? Sounds like someone I dated!!!

Run.

Potatobug · 02/02/2020 08:59

Ignore him. He probably had another woman in the meantime, decided she wasn’t good enough so got back in touch with you. He probably keeps looking and wants you for sex until he finds someone better.

Juniper45 · 02/02/2020 09:05

He’s been doing dry January and can’t socialise comfortably with someone newish without a drink and didn’t want to admit it?

Dontunderestimateme · 02/02/2020 09:07

I think it really depends what you want from him OP. If you had thoughts of this turning into a relationship then I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. If you want to continue the casual dating, and enjoy the good sex, but aren't hoping for it to progress beyond that then go for it.

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