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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guy who ghosted me got back in touch... WWYD?

269 replies

Ghosteddramas · 02/02/2020 02:21

Started seeing a guy back in October who I met online. Both of us recently divorced and agreed we weren’t wanting to jump in to anything too serious. We’d usually meet every week or so (with minimal text contact every few days or so in between dates) - dates were always great fun, lots of chemistry and would end with amazing sex. Last date was just before Christmas when he took me away for the weekend, we stayed in a lovely hotel together and was wined and dined. After returning home he messaged to say what a great time he had and I responded agreeing and asking whether he was free to meet again on a proposed date in between Christmas and new year (he’d initiated the last date, so felt like my turn). He responded to say that unfortunately he already had family plans that day. He didn’t propose an alternative date, so I just responded saying that it was no problem. Christmas and new year passed and I heard nothing from him at all, in fact I heard nothing from him again until today when he messaged me out of the blue asking how I was and mentioned that if I’d like to meet up again to just let him know. No explanation as to the lack of contact.

I’m in two minds as I very much enjoyed our dates and the arrangement we had going. I felt a bit disappointed that he just disappeared. At the same time though, I’m not sure allowing myself to be dropped and picked back up again on a whim is a very respectful thing to do to myself and wonder whether I should just leave it in the past. Would really appreciate your advice/what others would do in my position.

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 02/02/2020 07:01

If he had got back to you acknowledging his absence, with a reasonable explanation/ apology, you could consider it.
But as it stands , no.
You are giving the signal that it’s ok to be treated any old way.

This.

Sassanacs · 02/02/2020 07:02

Nah leave it... it was already a no pressure casual vibe so no need to ghost, its just disrespectful. I agree the onus was on him to make contact again. It's his loss. Onwards and upwards

daisypond · 02/02/2020 07:04

I don’t think he ghosted you. I think you were as bad as each other. Poor communication from both of you. He couldn’t do the date you suggested. Why didn’t you suggest another? You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2020 07:06

What do you want op? All possible explanations ranging from miscommunication to him wanting to have you as a shag back up plan are suppositions. If you weren’t interested, I’d think you wouldn’t have bothered to start the thread.

Just remember there is no difference in outcome between you replying with a thanks but no thanks or stating what you want and being knocked back by him. Both would lead to you not seeing him again but the former would leave you with a “what if”.

MRex · 02/02/2020 07:12

No message from either of you for Christmas nor New Year should mean it's totally over. As you messaged him last only to be turned down for a date there's no reason why he could reasonably think that you should have messaged him first. The most likely reason for his absence is that he's dating multiple other women and was temporarily taken with one of them. You need more self-respect than to give him another chance, particularly when he doesn't even bother to explain his absence. I'd probably say something like "What a blast from the past! I won't be free for dinner, but hope you have a good time. Have a fun 2020."

Now, get back out there, there are ever so many men who are single and aren't dickheads.

Stampy84 · 02/02/2020 07:12

I find it hard to believe a man would take a woman away and wine dine her just for sex, then ghost her. OP I’m as stubborn as you though, and I’ve not sent anything after suggesting a date after- it’s a tricky one, I think it’s miscommunication..

Riverviews · 02/02/2020 07:13

If i were the guy, I would be thinking that you dumped me because I could not make that one date. You didn't suggest an alternative or wish him happy new year.

He had put some effort into your lovely weekend, so he was clearly keen. Then you completely disappear after he told you he could not make one date.

That's how I would see it

WizardOfAus · 02/02/2020 07:17

Good to hear from you after all this time, hope you are well. Meeting up again isn’t going to work for me. Take care.

Bang on from a PP. Send this.

Eckhart · 02/02/2020 07:17

If you were enjoying no strings, why are you miffed that he didn't keep in constant contact?

knightlight · 02/02/2020 07:23

Don't go near him again. He rejected your initial date suggestion and didn't respond with an alternative. Even if he was busy the whole of Christmas with his kids he could have said that.

Even if you are keeping it casual there is no need for bad manners (on his part).

Don't respond, remove his number and move on.

DearHappy · 02/02/2020 07:36

I find that if you give this type a chance, they always do it again.

pandora101 · 02/02/2020 07:37

Unfortunately, I can see how this will pan out:
OP will respond to him, they will meet, have sex, have some dates for about a month maybe
then rinse and repeat

2022 - the OP will post here: we were casually dating for 2 years, on-off, now he ghosted me again, but I know he loves me
2024 - the OP will post here: we are together on-off for 4 years

on the other hand, who had not (like really - have a look at your history honestly) give a man a second chance, if they have treated her well and than nothing?

the problem is with the third, fourth....millionth chances
imho

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 02/02/2020 07:39

He wants a shag. I’m sorry.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 02/02/2020 07:40

Booty call .... bin him

YouJustDoYou · 02/02/2020 07:47

He's horny and is hoping to get some.

Inherdefence · 02/02/2020 07:51

I agree this sounds like a booty call. Block and move on.

Mummyzzz044 · 02/02/2020 07:54

Sounds to me that he was enjoying Christmas and new year with his not so divorced wife.

BossAssBitch · 02/02/2020 07:58

Have some dignity, OP! I can’t believe you would consider going on a date with a guy who clearly ghosted you. And no you didn't ghost each other, why do people clutch at straws on here and give false hope. The ball was firmly in his court. You are worth more than being some fuckboy’s easy shag. I wouldn’t even bother to respond.

Insaneinthemembury · 02/02/2020 08:04

Respect yourself op! I say this from experience. I wish I had!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/02/2020 08:04

! I wouldn't reply at all!!

And as someone else said - unless he was in a coma, he had no excuse.

othervoicesotherrooms · 02/02/2020 08:07

'Hi! Just got a message from this number - 01234567890. Just letting you know you've probably sent it by mistake as you're not on my contact list.'

Bringonspring · 02/02/2020 08:09

It depends what your hoping for from this relationship, if your happy with dates/sex and this is fun before you want a serious relationship then go for it. If you think your heart might get broken then don’t!!!

pictish · 02/02/2020 08:14

He fancies another shag with you while there’s not much else going on.
Reply, “I haven’t heard from you in weeks so no thanks.”
He thinks you’ll be a convenient fuck. Disillusion him.

Leflic · 02/02/2020 08:17

Good to hear from you after all this time, hope you are well. Meeting up again isn’t going to work for me. Take care.

Send this.

Ghosting is childish but you shouldn’t drag something out if it’s not meant to be.
If he responds with a bit of an explaination or a definite date to see you maybe give it a chance.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/02/2020 08:18

I would ghost him back, no reply, he is not really interested, his other shag just dumped him.