To feel "past it" at 37

[HatRack]

I've got three kids and recently got engaged. But I feel I'm approaching the summit of "past it". I'm 'plump', a little overweight from xmas indulgence.

I try to dress nice, wear make up, moisturize, wear factor 50 every day, constantly diet.

Today my fiancee (same age as me) and I went into town at 3pm for a meal. It was bouncing. Full of people wearing skimpy outfits. Thin people. With groomed hair.

I felt embarrassed. Shameful. I was sad that I couldn't be better looking. I used to be. I try so hard. I feel like I'm not a good catch for my finance. I want to be someone he is proud to have on his arm, but I feel like a 2nd class version of who I used to be. I'm now "the fat girl". I fast 18 hours per day, and I'm still the fat girl. Can I even call myself a 'girl' at 37.

AIBU? Does anyone else my age, feel the same as me?

01veryvery gets it.

Problem is, I had planned to shift the weight so I could feel comfortable at the gym. They know me there. When they last saw me I was much thinner.

Someone else mentioned eating disorder and the way you speak OP makes me think they’re right. Caring for someone with an ED switches you on to language and behaviours that fit. ‘Hardcore with weight loss’ is clanging bells. Lack of nutrition really does fuck up the brain and lead to messed up thinking.

‘ Eating windows’ is fucked up thinking, humans need consistent nutrition.

Firstly 37 is not old. Many 37 year olds look young and beautiful. I suspect you do too but in your fiancée’s eyes and from an objective point of view but you can’t see it because for some reason you are full of self loathing. Secondly, I also suspect you are not very overweight. You sound like you have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. If your counsellor isn’t helping with this, maybe find another one. Most of this is in your head. I am 45 and a size 14. I exercise about 5 or 6 times a week which is an amazing mood booster and helps massively with my self esteem. I would like to be thinner but I am toned and healthy and I feel really good about how I look for my age. My expectations are rational though, I want to look elegant and pretty for a woman in my 40s, I am not comparing myself to a teenager or someone in their 20s and you really shouldn’t either. What strikes me as most sad is how your self hatred is spoiling your opportunities to be having fun and enjoying your period of engagement which should be a magical time. It might be easier said than done, but focus on the positives. Happiness is a state of mind that shouldn’t be connected to your physical appearance, but instead to experiences, laughter, love, mental stimulation, relaxation etc. Sorry you feel shit, but you can be in control of your mindset and you need to find a way to focus on more meaningful things than what you or anyone else looks like.

Just to reiterate: the weight gain was very recent. Only past two months. Because xmas.

Skimpy dressing at 3pm in February just sounds tacky! And chilly. Why would you want to be like them?

am seeing a GP on Thursday to say I've suddenly had rapid weight gain and dieting is not removing it. I only eat meat and veg.

Have you had other symptoms such as tiredness, feeling cold, dry skin, memory/concentration problems? You might have a thyroid issue. E

OP...how much weight gain? What was is your usual weight and how tall are you?

Op, I was also at the GP , convinced I was hypothyroid. I wasnt. I thought there was no way I could shift the weight, nothing worked. But it did,I did.
But I get the feeling you're not actually as "fat" as you think you are tbh. Maybe it's more about self esteem than weight??

Problem is, I had planned to shift the weight so I could feel comfortable at the gym. They know me there. When they last saw me I was much thinner.

But you can run without going to your gym. And it's pretty good at burning fat. You can buy a set of heavy free weights to do at home. You can do YouTube videos. HIIT and Yoga.

I used to go to the gym 3x per week but can't now as I'm massive and embarrassed
So you've put weight on over xmas then have suddenly stopped exercising. Doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to work out why you're not losing the weight . Noone gives a fuck what you look like in the gym, just go.
Your thought processes sound really deranged tbh. It sounds like you need more help than just a bit if counselling

@hatrack You sound so full of self loathing. Beyond a desire to get healthy, I mean. It doesn't feel like that's what's behind this.

Why do you feel so past it? Past what exactly? Do you want to be like those people you saw? What do you want to be/look like?

You don’t lose weight to look good good in the gym, you go to the gym to lose the weight. Ffs
You need a good shake

Maximum you’ve put on is a stone.
That’s nothing
It’s like an inch
No-one is going to notice
It’s all in your head

humans need consistent nutrition.

Surrrrre. How did humans ever survive the Paleolithic era? Did cavemen pop to Asda?

I'm sorry that you aren't feeling very positive about yourself OP. Maybe try to remember that comparison is the thief of joy. All those 'perfect' people you saw probably have myriad things the are concerned/down about.

I'm 42, I know I am fat and not good looking in the slightest. Yes I do get down about it. But in the grand scheme of things, I know it could be worse. My husband died 2 years ago. We were together for 20 years, and loved each other as much at the end as we did at the start. In that time both of us had fluctuating weights. If the oy thing that you think is keeping you together then maybe look at your relationship in a it more depth.

08Mummadeeze I am genuinely overweight, I assure you.

Yippee, were you wearing spanx in that photo?

‘ Eating windows’ is fucked up thinking, humans need consistent nutrition.

Not exactly true. We store fat for a reason! It can be annoying if you've stored too much and want less. Too much body fat is a health risk in itself. However this ability to store fat is a vital feature of our bodies. Otherwise we'd not survive without constant food. People have been fasting and feasting for centuries.
The fact we can store fat should be celebrated really. It is really efficient.

Skimpy dressing at 3pm in February just sounds tacky! And chilly. Why would you want to be like them?

That's why I was shocked. I was wearing a casual dress. Wasn't expecting to feel so out of place and frumpy.

11fortunatelynot I gained two stone and Im 5ft. I'm the heaviest Ive ever been, and my youngest child is two, so no excuses there.

Wow, every response speaks volumes OP

How much weight have you put on that it has affected so profoundly?
Either you’ve been binging relentlessly, or you have been knocked sideways by a few pounds. Neither of which are ideal.

But if I were to go to a Wetherspoons and there happened to be a crowd of young, skinny, skimpily dressed women in there I wouldn’t feel out of place. It’s a Wetherspoons not a nightclub.

Op you are not disgusting. Your body has done what it is supposed to. Stored the excess energy as fat. Your body is not broken because you have stored some fat. All this means is that you have a free store of energy. If you run before breakfast, that is fasted, you will be burning fat. If you do HIIT exercise you burn fat in the period after exercise. Log your food and exercise. See where you are with that.

Why do you feel so past it? Past what exactly? Do you want to be like those people you saw? What do you want to be/look like?*

Past being desirable.

I look unhealthy. Frumpy. Lazy. Like someone who doesn't look after herself.

The opposite to who I really am.

I'm your age and definitely do not feel like you.