To feel "past it" at 37

[HatRack]

I've got three kids and recently got engaged. But I feel I'm approaching the summit of "past it". I'm 'plump', a little overweight from xmas indulgence.

I try to dress nice, wear make up, moisturize, wear factor 50 every day, constantly diet.

Today my fiancee (same age as me) and I went into town at 3pm for a meal. It was bouncing. Full of people wearing skimpy outfits. Thin people. With groomed hair.

I felt embarrassed. Shameful. I was sad that I couldn't be better looking. I used to be. I try so hard. I feel like I'm not a good catch for my finance. I want to be someone he is proud to have on his arm, but I feel like a 2nd class version of who I used to be. I'm now "the fat girl". I fast 18 hours per day, and I'm still the fat girl. Can I even call myself a 'girl' at 37.

AIBU? Does anyone else my age, feel the same as me?

You're coming across as terribly shallow and rather vacuous as well: but don't worry, it's all down hill from here...

So he's a good actor? How is he in the looks department?

Is he just attracted to everyone?

I’d worry less about your looks and more about your personality if I were you.

You keep using the phrase 'meat market' over and over, which shows a really horrible frame of mind - people being solely valued on their flesh, for another's consumption.

Honestly, the way you talk about women reminds me chillingly of incels and other hardcore mysogynists. They and you are wrong. It wasn't a meat market today - In Spoons there would have been loads of people - different ages, different weights, different body shapes, some conventionally attractive some not. They weren't competing with each other, and no one was being bought or sold. Any of them could have wonderful lives, or not - you won't be able to guess based on looks.

You can have a happy, successful, and loving life looking just as you do now, I promise.

'I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’?'

Jk Rowling

I'm really astonished at all the misinformation re fasting. Have you guys read any peer reviewed journals on the topic? Your metabolism RAISES when you fast. It actually SLOWS when you restrict calories. I have an eating window where I eat keto.

And exercise have negligible effect on weight. It does however raise your hunger.

OP, I’ve read some more of the thread. You are the only one who can take charge here. I posted here quite a while back (under a different name) when I was feeling in an awful state. My anxiety and depression were crippling and I felt I had nowhere to turn to. The lovely mumsnetters offered me support, advice and a listening ear as they have done for you. I grasped every piece of advice as tightly as I could because I truly wanted change, not sympathy. You need to want to feel better before anyone on here will be able to help you. You have been given lots of good advice and you need to move forward with that now! You can love yourself again but not unless you want to.

Don’t belittle the op. These are serious feelings that lots of women feel
We should examine why women end up feeling so much worth in their image

I mean the amount of people that say to young posters about dating a dick, leave you’re in your prime. You don’t want to end up on your own with kids and no one.
I could pick out many threads where it’s pointed out.

Even the woman upthread who posted a pic. She knows she’s not fat. So if you are, and someone goes on about loving their curves it’s going to make you feel crap

But it's clearly not working for you?

I've read quite a lot and I'm sorry but you're wrong.

The best way to lose weight is very, very simple. Eat less and move more. Everything in moderation

And I’ll say this again, if you’ve been dieting for years and fine yourself getting heavier, please check out rebelfit. It’s honestly a breath of fresh air and a whole new approach which I think would be life changing for you.

@HatRack that’s bollocks bogus science, sorry. The only way to lose weight is to be in a calorie deficit. If you eat 3000 calories in the 6 hours you eat you won’t lose any weight or if you eat 2250 calories in 6 hours but burn 2000 in 24 hours you won’t lose weight. Intermittent fasting works for some people as it forces them into a calorie deficit. Also Keto again is unnecessary, calories in vrs calories out.

The fact that you are watching others and judging them. Talking about women like they were hung in a butchers shop for Male consumption and are on two fad diets shows that you have an epic eating disorder. You need to seek help. This will be the reason you end up alone not your DP who is clearly into 37 year olds not 19 year olds.

Get checked out and if you don’t think you need help then you need to get over yourself.

The only person who can help you is you but you seem determined to wallow in self pity, which is very unattractive.

I'm 35 and have similar feelings. I think you can only do the best you can to keep yourself tidy and then you just have to accept that there's always someone younger and prettier but actually it does not matter!

I'm really astonished at all the misinformation re fasting. Have you guys read any peer reviewed journals on the topic? Your metabolism RAISES when you fast. It actually SLOWS when you restrict calories. I have an eating window where I eat keto.

And exercise have negligible effect on weight. It does however raise your hunger.

😂I’m not going to bother responding to this BS. I will say though, if you’re so sure that you’re right - why haven’t you lost weight? Why isn’t your method working for you?

I made this thread to find out if anyone else felt the same as me. Some have said that they did. Most said that they DGAF. I wish I had their self esteem.

I've always been pretty hardcore with weight loss, read up on the science and followed it. There's a wealth of fasting threads on mn if you want to debate! It has always worked a charm. But over the past two months (xmas) I seem to have put on a shit ton of weight and it's not coming off. First time in my life and it's not coming off. And it's freaked me out. It's like a switch has been flipped in my body and suddenly my metabolism has broke. And now I feel invisible. And for the first time in my life.I catch sight of myself in a window or mirror and I am shocked and repulsed.

Your therapist certainly has their work cut out.

Its not so much as how you are feeling and what diet it your doing, fwiw i am intermittent fasting too.
Its your attitude in your replies, many many posters are being helpful but you dont seem to be acknowledging that.
I have body image issues like yourself, but try be a little nicer.

And exercise have negligible effect on weight. It does however raise your hunger.

Not for a normal, healthy person - you intake calories, which are burned off by physical activity. If you take in more than you put out, you gain weight.

Have you actually seen a doctor about this?

I am forty and spend my days daydreaming about retirement😳. Work is full of ambitious, arrogant and very annoying twenty somethings.

I am much more comfortable in my skin at this age, but I am bored of everything and tired.

Well, I tried the whole fasting thing and ...didn't work
Subsequently lost 4 stone with traditional methods. Exercise DOESN'T make you hungrier! It builds your self esteen, it's something you work for and feel proud of, and it totally changed the way you look. I admit weight loss is more to do with calories in, but exercise has a huge role in how you feel about yoirself. I feel better about my hard earned six pack than I do about my 4 stone weight loss.

But over the past two months (xmas) I seem to have put on a shit ton of weight and it's not coming off. First time in my life and it's not coming off. And it's freaked me out. It's like a switch has been flipped in my body and suddenly my metabolism has broke. And now I feel invisible. And for the first time in my life.I catch sight of myself in a window or mirror and I am shocked and repulsed.

I think it would be good for you to start a serious exercise regime as well as log what you eat on a fitness tracker. Then you can see some real stats. IF is all well and good but if you eat the wrong foods or just too much you still won't lose weight as you will be making new fat stores all the time just to dip into them when you fast. But you won't be losing the older fat IYSWIM.

I know what you mean regarding feeling invisible when overweight. I've been overweight and slim. People definitely treat me better when I am slimmer. Anyway since getting older I couldn't stay slim just through diet. So I started running. It's good for mental health and fitness as well as burning excess fat. And a very good way to feel better about yourself.

I am seeing a GP on Thursday to say I've suddenly had rapid weight gain and dieting is not removing it. I only eat meat and veg.

I used to go to the gym 3x per week but can't now as I'm massive and embarrassed

And exercise have negligible effect on weight. It does however raise your hunger.

Not necessarily true. Look up Maffetone training and fat adaptation.

Not for a normal, healthy person - you intake calories, which are burned off by physical activity. If you take in more than you put out, you gain weight.*

What exercise do you do, what type, and how many days a week?

I used to go to the gym 3x per week but can't now as I'm massive and embarrassed

Run. Early in the morning. Hardly anyone is about. You can wear a running hat, pulled down and joggers. A pretty anonymous look. The only people I see then are dog walkers and other runners.