To feel "past it" at 37

[HatRack]

I've got three kids and recently got engaged. But I feel I'm approaching the summit of "past it". I'm 'plump', a little overweight from xmas indulgence.

I try to dress nice, wear make up, moisturize, wear factor 50 every day, constantly diet.

Today my fiancee (same age as me) and I went into town at 3pm for a meal. It was bouncing. Full of people wearing skimpy outfits. Thin people. With groomed hair.

I felt embarrassed. Shameful. I was sad that I couldn't be better looking. I used to be. I try so hard. I feel like I'm not a good catch for my finance. I want to be someone he is proud to have on his arm, but I feel like a 2nd class version of who I used to be. I'm now "the fat girl". I fast 18 hours per day, and I'm still the fat girl. Can I even call myself a 'girl' at 37.

AIBU? Does anyone else my age, feel the same as me?

Plus, Yippee, swoon at you!

You have a lovely figure Yippee

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets you look fantastic.

I’m 37 with three kids, I’m actually fat not just carrying a bit of extra weight and no I don’t feel past it. I feel like a grown woman in a loving secure relationship with a man who fell in love with me at a size 10 and still loves me at a size 20. Yes I would like to lose a lot of weight, but tbh I have other priorities and being miserable around food isn’t there right now.

Wetherspoons mainly attracts students or old men so I'm not surprised you felt out of place! What do you enjoy doing? Nice wine, nice food, a certain type of music? There's loads of "over 30's" nights out there if you fancied a dance. Or even better get yourself to something like motown/northern soul night. You'll feel like a spring chicken!
I went to Ronnie Scott's jazz club in London the other month (not sure if you're anywhere near london) and the club upstairs was fantastic. Average age was definitely in the 40's and everyone was having a great time.

Does anyone else my age, feel the same as me?

No I am not your age OP. Why do you want to be a "girl"?
Be a woman.

You are being fairly pathetic.

Every one of your posts just makes you sound weirder/messed up OP. It sounds like you need some kind of help like counseling or something

, does there exist a dynamic in your relationship where you ''owe'' it to your boyfriend to stay as attractive as you possibly can.

Yes. In MY head. I don't want to lose him.

Op, your posts are a bit jumpy, are you trying to obtain these weight goals for yourself, your partner, or for the approval of strangers? It's not clear.

how can you be attracted to fat AND thin? Is he just attracted to everyone?

What a weird thing to say. Attraction isn’t one thing or the other. My long term ex was approx 9.5 stone. He ate like a horse and couldn’t keep weight on him. My DH is a rugby player, 6ft 2 and closer to 16 stone. Funnily enough their body shape wasn’t the only thing that attracted me to either of them.

OP fasting isn't going to make you loose weight. You should look at calorie deficit and look at HIIT workouts if you want to loose weight. It's a gradual process and will tone you as well if you put the work in. You need to make sure you burn off more than you eat really. Women doing this should be eating 1400 calories as a maximum and doing exercise, just a FYI if you are wanting to loose weight. I'm doing this at the moment.

I am younger than you, I've had a baby 9 months ago and have started to put a few pounds on (mainly from Christmas like yourself) however I'm not 'fat' nor do I compare myself to women. Your fiancé loves YOU, not some random lass with her nice bum on display to everyone.

Op you seem very troubled and your obsession with “thin” is scary. You do realise that being thin does not equal being beautiful right? We all come in different shapes and sizes and you only have to look at people you see around you all the time to know that people are attracted to all kinds of others.

I’m 42, a size 18-20. My best friend is a size 8 and I weigh at least twice what she does. I have always had much more male attention than her ( been friends since we were little kids ) and she openly says that she would love to be more curvy but she is what she is.

I hope if you have daughters that you don’t let them know now you effectively starve yourself, are clearly pretty miserable and only place value on being thin. This is how eating disorders can start. I’ve seen it first hand.

Embrace who you are. Your fiancé chose you. Nobody else. Don’t waste your time worrying how everyone else looks because it will eat away at you ( pardon the pun ) and will cause you a life of misery.

Yes. In MY head. I don't want to lose him

Then stop this way of thinking. Because it will mean you become defensive and quiet and sullen. Try the offensive for a change. If there is anything you are not happy about tackle it. And enjoy yourself in the meantime. And what about your DP? Do you judge him by the same standards?

I haven’t read the full thread but OP, I highly recommend looking up Rebelfit on Facebook. He is all about breaking the diet/binge cycle which inevitable leaves you heavier than when you started dieting. His mission is teaching people to learn to love the skin they are in. Only then will you naturally come to a weight that you’re comfortable with and can sustain. If you’re caught in that diet/binge cycle, I can really relate. I’m now a healthy and happy 9 stone but I had to ditch all the diet nonsense to get myself there.

The issue here is your confidence. Don’t let your appearance define you. In any case, I’m sure you are beautiful and I’m sure your fiancé thinks so too

Yippee you're fucking gorgeous

Guess what OP, I’m EVEN FATTER than @YippeeKayakOtherBuckets and since I have got older, I have started to get even more interest from very eligible men. I think it’s your defeatist/unattractive attitude that is putting them off, not your age (or size).

Trying to compete to ‘keep’ your OH for the rest of your life will surely be a bit of a miserable existence?

Yes it will. But it's that or be lonely.

My husband fancies me if I’m fat or thin. I fancy him if he’s fat or muscular. Not sure why this is so incomprehensible?

I would rather be lonely than live like that.

Wetherspoons would depress anyone
You’re 37, you are still v young
You really need some help with this.

Yes it will. But it's that or be lonely.

Why? Is he an outrageous flirt?

Just saw @YippeeKayakOtherBuckets’s photo - wow! Her DP won’t be looking at anyone else, that’s for sure.

Yippee whew! You look great.

OP, you are being nasty to people in the guise of knocking yourself. Im older than you, still look good. Carrying a few post Christmas pounds and was coming on here to be sympathetic but find you hard work.

Confidence is key. Im 41, high earner, get respect from people at work, lots of friends, husband lovely and good sex life, kids wind me up but very affectionate and actually at a good sweet age. I was out in a flash bar last night with a younger friend and wearing a suit (admittedly quite fitted and short with flat knee high boots). I didn't feel attractive and didn't fancy all the younger guys out. Didn't really notice the girls.

You must feel very insecure in your relationship. Is it because your last partner died? I can't imagine feeling like younger women are worth more than me.

I think young people are on the same road as I am. They just started at a later time. So once I was younger and probably more attractive, I was also poorer with less love in my life, less interests, less acheivements. I dont sneer at younger people and don't think they are somehow better than me. They will end up where I am age wise and It's not a competition.

I also think enjoy being the age you are as you only get older!

Op I'm 37, have 2 kids, and I've passed my best for sure. In the last year my skin has gone downhill, I've had to watch what I eat for the first time, I've got slipped discs that will in all likelihood take 2yrs to repair so can't exercise as much as I did. But, in many respects things are so much better now. I've got my kids, h, friends for life, a full social life, I love my job, I don't have to try too hard these days, I wear what I want more or less, I largely do what I want. Hopefully you can find some acceptance of the aging process, and less fucks.