DH taking DD food shopping?

[Andersonx3]

My DD is 11 weeks old. I'm on maternity leave, DH works full time. DD is going through a growth spurt and is very fussy, constantly crying and needs to be held. I have said to DH that I'm drained and don't want to go food shopping today, he said we need to. We do need food but there's enough in to last until tomorrow. He said I'm being unreasonable so I suggested he take DD and do it on his own whilst I take a nice bath. He's absolutely lost it saying I can't expect him to do that. AIBU??

No
You are not

Go and get in the bath and leave him to it

Have you got a sling he can put her in?

Yanbu at all, he can easily take her and put her car seat above the trolley.

Home delivery is the way forward tho once kids come along 🙈

Why wouldn't he? If he's in the mood to go shopping then he might enjoy it with DD.

Not sure what the baby will think of it.

Oh dear op I hope you're ok. Newborns are hard work. Home delivery is the way forward. Book one for tomorrow, takeaway today

God poor you. What do you mean by he absolutely lost it? Was he shouting? Why does he care so much about one food shop?

Absolutely not being unreasonable, he is totally being unreasonable though. Why can't you expect him to do that? He's the father of the baby, and your husband, he should want to take the baby out and want you to not be exhausted. Just get in the bath and leave him to it.

Why can’t you expect him to do that? What’s his reason for being absolved from doing food shopping?

Yanbu, he should take her and give you a break.

I would suggest a Tesco (or other) delivery.
Is he not liking the fact you asked him to go shopping, or that you asked him to take the baby?
The former he's being ridiculous, the latter could be a pain, but presummably nothing more than what you do all the time when he's at work?
Can he entertain the baby for a while as you take a bath? And then leave the baby with him while you go to the shops (and stop for a nice leisurely coffee too)?

Run the bath and leave him to it. Either he takes DD to the shops or he looks after her while you have a bath. Whatever he does will benefit you . Or is that the problem - he doesnt want you to benefit from his actions?

Do you think he is scared? You are both in sleep deprivation hell. Your life as you knew it has exploded and you are having to adjust to the new normal. Often first time dads can feel insecure and like they don't know what they are doing. I'm not excusing his behaviour. I'm just remembering how shit the newborn stage is.

He is being ridiculous. Of course he can, and should, take the baby out by himself.

He's at work at the mo and we usually go once he's finished but I am absolutely exhausted.

We have a carrier, which I have had her in this morning for a little while to do a little bit of housework but I've not managed to do my makeup or hair yet!

This happened on the phone, he wasn't shouting as such but had a harsh tone and said I can't expect him to take her alone. She's usually a very good baby, he said this, and said she's likely to be fine in her car seat as she normally is, so unsure why he's so against taking her if he thinks she'll just relax.

I haven't had a minute without my DD since she was born so I think he just assumes that we're a package deal.

Will definitely suggest an online delivery if he's still got his knickers in a twist when he gets home!

Why does he think it takes 2 adults to do a food shop ?

Amazon do same day delivery for some grocery shopping.

With a young baby it can be more being nervous ? I know the only way to learn something is to do it.

Or what about going for lunch the 3 of you after your bath and then pop into the supermarket. Let him organise the baby so he's learning how to do it and will be more confident in future. I remember on my first I avoided supermarkets because I couldn't push a pram and a trolley , this is before online shopping, before baby trolleys and I'd never heard of slings.

Ask him if he's nervous ? He might not like to admit it. Or if it's a case that he just doesn't want to do anything and couldn't care less, then I'd go for my bath and order takeaway tonight.

Can he not do the shopping on his way home and then take her so you can have a bath when he is in?

Either way you don't both need to do grocery shopping together.

He says it's because he doesn't like to waste time together when he's not at work which I 100% support but as a one off during a hard time for DD and us as a result.. I don't think that's a waste as such? She's EBF so he sleeps through the night and obviously doesn't have to do any day feeds either - although if men lactated too I would be very thankful! He gets the good parts of parenting! Cuddles and play time.

Why wouldn’t he? Seems crazy to me. You need a break at some point- he needs to take long enough for you to have a sleep as well as a bath!

Online shopping is fine but he does need to take the baby out at some point so that you can rest.

I wouldn’t take an upset baby to the supermarket either though.
Can you order a takeaway for tonight and then get your groceries delivered tomorrow?
Or have your relaxing bath and then just one of you go to the shops without the baby?

he doesn't like to waste time together - ridiculous!

You need to make the most of the resources available to you both, and that doesn’t include an exhausted pp mother being dragged to Tesco for no reason.

Why can't you expect him to go to the supermarket with the baby? What's the issue? Unless there is a massive drip feed here he is being massively unreasonable.

Agree with PPs about home delivery. Absolute life saver when you have a newborn. In fact, it's great up until the age where you can just leave them at home when you do the shop 😁

He is being very unreasonable and is coming across as rather pathetic.

Food shopping doesn’t need two adults, that’s ridiculous.

Either he does it on his way home, or he gets home and takes over “DD duties” and you do it alone.

And at some point today you get an hour or two to yourself to do exact what you want to do that doesn’t include your DH, DD, shopping or any kind of chores.