DH taking DD food shopping?

[Andersonx3]

My DD is 11 weeks old. I'm on maternity leave, DH works full time. DD is going through a growth spurt and is very fussy, constantly crying and needs to be held. I have said to DH that I'm drained and don't want to go food shopping today, he said we need to. We do need food but there's enough in to last until tomorrow. He said I'm being unreasonable so I suggested he take DD and do it on his own whilst I take a nice bath. He's absolutely lost it saying I can't expect him to do that. AIBU??

He has three choices here as far as I'm concerned.

1. do the food shop himself on the way home from work then take over with dd while you bathe and rest

2. come home, collect dd, then take her to do the food shop giving you space to rest

3. arrange an online delivery to arrive tomorrow, come home and take dd so you can rest.

Does he know how to put new dd into the car seat, what is expected i.e. a cloth into the trolley seat first etc? Does he know how to change a nappy? Has he taken him for walks in the pram on his own?

If he can do all this, he is def bu. Strong reassurance may be needed. Otherwise, teach him, reassure him and send him off.

Or have her in her outside clothes and ready and waiting in the carrier when he gets home?
He became a parent too and presumably wants to eat...
Can't praise online shopping too highly! Love it.
Don't be me, my ex didn't take our dd out solo until she was 2 years old. 2 YEARS.

When you ask him how old dd will be when he will take her out solo, what does he say?

YANBU. Plenty of mums do the food shop on their own with a baby.
I did it with a new born 2yo and 4yo all the time.
Feed the baby, give him a list.
Go - grab- pay - get home - job done.
He needs to stop needing the hand hold.

If you order on the ocado app you'll get loads of money off your first shop and itll be delivered first thing in the morning. Just do it online.
You aren't unreasonable to want him to take the baby though, DP took breastfed DS to pick up a Chinese when he was a few weeks old and was gone an hour or so, I had the best bath ever

He can pick up some bits on the way home then.

Do a click and collect and he can take her, doesn’t even have to get her out of the car!

He's absolutely lost it saying I can't expect him to do that

Why, exactly?

He can’t do the shopping on his own?
Or he can’t do the shopping with baby in tow on his own?

Because whilst those are both on the Bristol stool chart, they are slightly different versions of turd.

I wouldn’t have been able to send my ebf babies to the supermarket with dad at 11 weeks. But if it’s not an issue for baby then yes he should. You shouldn’t have to go shopping though!

Arrange an online shop for tomorrow, have a takeaway tonight if necessary.

When he gets home he can look after DD while you have a bath, sounds like he needs to spend more time with her.

He's not nervous, whilst he hasn't taken her out on his own before, he's very confident with nappies, soothing her, car seats and push chairs (spent the first 5 weeks teaching me!) and bottle feeding her breastmilk.

Think I'll just suggest a takeaway & delivery tomorrow and he can take DD for a bit whilst I rest.

Honestly it is one of the few things other people do that despite having heard people's reasoning I remain utterly and completely baffled by - why on earth do couples in areas with online grocery shopping available (most of the UK) take their babies and small children to do a big weekly shop at the supermarket together on a Saturday?

It is the most bafflingly stupid thing to do!

Order online - one of you quickly go to a smaller shop for bread, and milk or whatever few items to tide you over til the delivery if you're really down to bare cupboards for some reason! Or one of you go and one stay with the kids if you are on a tight budget and need to look for offers and bargains and marked down stuff - but then you'd be going late evening or on Sunday...

People are strange...

All sounds rather ridiculous tbh. Whole families don't need to go food shopping together. Why on earth can't he be 'expected' to take his child to the shops for a bit? I used to take DD to do the food shop all the time, i hated being stuck at home all day and it was an outing, I've only recently stopped taking her due to the constant demand for snacks the whole way round.

In his defence (and obviously yanbu and he's in the wrong... But) when my first was a newborn I was really scared of taking her out in case she cried! I know that's not rational and all babies cry, but I just had this real dread of what if she cried and I can't get her to stop and what will everyone think, and I'll seem like a terrible parent bla bla bla. So yes he is being ridiculous, but I do sympathise a little bit because I have also been that ridiculous with my first newborn.

Why can't he pick up food on his own on the way home from work? Food shopping with a baby isn't a fun, family activity. It's an endurance test. There's no need to put anyone through it.

Not sure how you expect him to feed her though? My only concern would be if she got hungry especially having a growth spurt as she's likely to cluster feed.

Difficult one.

Yes you absolutely need a break but even as a Mum I wouldn't be confident taking an 11 week old baby away from their Mum it hey were EBF and weren't bottle feeding properly. Nae chance!

Food delivery! Why wouldn’t you?! Get it clicked 😎

Oh sorry I thought you said she was ebf but I've noticed you've now said she has bottles. Fair enough if you've expressed plenty. Although I don't take any of my 3 including my 4 month old to the supermarket if it can be avoided. It's horrible getting through the shopping when you're babies screaming. Online shopping is best.

Does he know how to put new dd into the car seat, what is expected i.e. a cloth into the trolley seat first etc? Does he know how to change a nappy? Has he taken him for walks in the pram on his own?

If he cannot do this after eleven weeks then he is an utter waste of space.

I wouldn’t take an upset baby food shopping, surely you just order an online delivery then no one has to go.

I think I would actually tell him that: "You are not just entitled to the good times with a baby, the cuddles and play time, while I'm stuck with all the rest of it and no sleep on top of it. So suck it up and take the baby out so I can have a break, FFS."

Why didn't you do it yesterday?

He can just go food shopping on his way home from work, surely?