DH taking DD food shopping?

[Andersonx3]

My DD is 11 weeks old. I'm on maternity leave, DH works full time. DD is going through a growth spurt and is very fussy, constantly crying and needs to be held. I have said to DH that I'm drained and don't want to go food shopping today, he said we need to. We do need food but there's enough in to last until tomorrow. He said I'm being unreasonable so I suggested he take DD and do it on his own whilst I take a nice bath. He's absolutely lost it saying I can't expect him to do that. AIBU??

TBH, I think taking a baby to the supermarket when it isn't necessary is madness.

However, he absolutely should take her out in the pram by himself to give you a break.

If he has been to work then I can understand him not wanting to go food shopping, though he was willing for you all to go together. Just tell him to pick up a few things on the way home and then do a online shop. I hate food shopping and can’t think of anything worse than going with a baby and partner (it would take up far too much time) which is why I shop online 😂

YANBU atall. But why not get an online shop? Then he can take baby once he gets home so you can have a bath.

He is being ridiculous, though. Grocery shopping is hardly 'together time'! He also needs to get used to looking after his DD alone to give you a break. He could take her for a short walk etc. To be honest alone time with DC is so precious.

Dh does the food shopping himself on a Saturday morning. Can he not do it on the way home?

Why do you go shopping together? And leave it til the weekend? Crazy when you could get a delivery pass or go on a Wednesday when it's quiet.

Shopping does not have to be a big deal.

Maybe one of you can do the shopping and the other have the baby?

She’s three months old. Has he never had her alone? Even breastfed, surely he can whizz round a supermarket and get food for two people and be back in an hour or so before she needs fed again? If you have her on your own every day, he’s got a bit of a cheek not wanting to have her on his own!

Honestly OP I would tackle this now. If he doesn't learnt to cope with her on his own, out and about now (or soon) he never willZ then you'll be on here in 10 years with more kids upset because you do all the childcare, housecare and mental load as he doesn't think he needs to do more than go to work.

The not wanting to waste time sounds like a GREAT excuse for him to do no mundane tasks like shopping in his precious time. Get that nipped right in the bud!

It can be pretty grim taking a tiny baby to a busy supermarket though.

I'd be tempted to have a rest right now, while DH takes your baby out for a walk, and supervises a nap. Then later, I'd go food shopping and take my time, on my own. Supermarkets in the evening, when almost empty, can be oddly peaceful and pleasant!

I can completely see why he might not want to go to the shops with dd unsettled. If you want a bath go run one and leave them for some valuable father daughter bonding. Then do an online shop for tomorrow with lots of yummy treats, there will be loads of codes for money off your first shop.

Make sure you dont put too much pressure on yourselves I'm sure you're both doing brilliantly.

You say you haven't had a minute away from her, he definitely needs to have her alone to give you a breather and because she is his child as well; but I kind of see his point as to why driving alone with her potentially screaming in the back and then taking her around the supermarket may be daunting, especially as she is EBF. He should though either just pop in and get some bits quickly on the way home, or go another day and not make a big deal of it.

So you can take her out alone but he cant ? does he understand that her is her Father ? What a bloody child, if he wont parent his baby now he never will

And start spending more time alone with her.

We've always done it on a Saturday after he finishes work - unsure why, but we don't see it as a chore so I guess never bothered to do it another time?

She takes a bottle of breastmilk happily - I put EBF forgetting that doesn't include expressed milk - my bad.

I've said she's unsettled and that's why I don't want to take her but he's pushing saying she'll be fine, hence why I've said for him to take her alone.

He is being ridiculous. I remember ringing my DH when DD was about that age, begging him to come home (he had finished work) as it had been a very bad day.
He came home, put DD in a sling, told me to run a bath, open the wine and order a curry.
Then he took DD for a walk - it was a life saver and needed that day, like it sounds you need it today

I suppose looking at it from his point of view he is at work and the thought of going shopping after is not very appealing, especially since you are at home and could do it.
That said it is very difficult in the early days with a baby and I do not think I was dressed and ready to pop out with mine til tea time.
However I would not have contemplated doing the weekly shop with a baby and it does not take 2 of you to do it either.

He can’t be arsed to look after her alone and sees her as your job and his trophy.

Amazon Prime Now. 2-hour delivery. Amazing. (Depending where you live.)

Why can't he go by himself? YANBU.

DP always takes at least one of the kids shopping for the parent and child space.

Thousands of not more people take very young children shopping everyday. I suggest you perfect a withering look for future ridiculous outbursts from your DH.

Honestly, shopping with a tiny baby isn't really much fun for anyone. Do an online shop and just get him to take her for a few hours and do whatever he wants to do with her while you relax.

Babies go to supermarkets all the time, Men look after babies without the mother often , I’m not really sure what the issue is??

To be fair to your husband (and the other customers in the shop) I would not want to take an 11 week old baby to a supermarket by myself if they were very fussy, constantly crying, and needing to be held. Taking them out for a walk in a sling is another matter altogether.

In future, order online as others have suggested. Alternatively, one of you goes shopping by yourself, leaving the baby with the other. Then the shopper takes the baby for a couple of hours while the other takes a break, then swap.

These early days are difficult but things usually get easier.

Some routines have to change once you have a baby. There is no need at all for the three of you to go to the supermarket every Saturday.

As many pp have suggested, he can do the shopping on his own on the way home.
Then he comes home, you both put the shopping away while your bath runs, and you leave him to do some parenting while you relax. Perhaps he could even cook the dinner at the same time 😉

Moving forward, online shopping is really your friend here.

You must start reclaiming some time and space now, it's important to take care of yourself and not become the default parent 24/7.

Enjoy your bath!

Yeah he's being pathetic. But shopping together for groceries seems really over the top. And it just seems like making too much of a drama.

With kids delivery is 100 percent the way to go. I can't really believe you're bothering with arguing about who goes. Wait till the DC start wanting you to buy particular stuff. Not fun.