DH taking DD food shopping?

[Andersonx3]

My DD is 11 weeks old. I'm on maternity leave, DH works full time. DD is going through a growth spurt and is very fussy, constantly crying and needs to be held. I have said to DH that I'm drained and don't want to go food shopping today, he said we need to. We do need food but there's enough in to last until tomorrow. He said I'm being unreasonable so I suggested he take DD and do it on his own whilst I take a nice bath. He's absolutely lost it saying I can't expect him to do that. AIBU??

Christ. You say you've never seen it as a chore yet you're arguing over it.

There's absolutely no reason to be doing it at the weekend or together.

You're on maternity leave, either do it during the week or get it delivered.

Have you mentioned that you manage to do it ?

I used to turn the weekly shop into an outing to fill the endless days when I had babies. It's a chore you get done Monday to Friday when the ahop is quiet to preserve quality time at the weekends.

I get babies are fussy but put her in the cot and have a shower and get ready. It won't hurt her.

We've always done it on a Saturday after he finishes work

Presumably because you both wanted to go together and both worked full-time so this was the easiest/preferred option.

But you have a newborn now and are on maternity leave so things need to change. Either go through the week so weekends (when he finishes work) are for family time, get an online shop, or pop out one evening while he puts baby to bed.

There's no way I would drag DH and a baby around the supermarket on a Saturday unless I had no other option!

If he's desperate to go shopping today and wants the baby there for some reason, he can definitely do it alone.

Andersonx3 you don't have to leave your baby in the citbto cry - I never left any of my 3 to cry, nor any of the children I childminded in the past. Mine are all teens now. Don't let anyone shame you into believing that you're being soft or inefficient by not ignoring your baby and "getting on" with less important stuff.

Do though change your couples shopping tradition now you have a child, and start a regular routine of ordering the shopping online and going for perishables with baby in the sling during the week, at your own pace and at her settled time of day - and of your husband getting a few items on his way home if you're running out of milk or nappies or need an item for dinner or whatever.

You could start a new Saturday routine of father daughter time while you have a bath after he gets in from work, follows by a family walk/ trip to the park.

I don’t think either of you abu.

You haven’t left the baby before... so he hasn’t had the baby alone before. Baby alone at Tesco’s on a Saturday sounds awful. And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask to wait for tomorrow but I also see why he wouldn’t want to do it alone. Having a baby is hard and changes things. I do tend to find that my DS (3 months) is much better when I’m out and I’m glad to be there once I get going.

If you wanna get him confident with the baby start by him her DC for a walk without you or alone in the house.

He's afraid of doing something new. Many people react this way.

Ask him to put her in the pram and go out for a walk for an hour.
He has never had her solo. To go from never having her on his own to doing a Tesco shop with her is a leap.

Go online order food for tomorrow and get a takeaway for this evening.

I wouldn’t have sent my husband with the baby, he can be there and back in the time he’s spent faffing about with car seats etc etc. Plus if she kicks off in there it’s a bit unfair if there’s nothing he can do (I assume you are breastfeeding). Why not get him to take her for a drive in the car later or a walk in the pram, they both sent our kids to sleep no problem. I had a Velcro baby, well 2 of them so I get it!

Tell your dh for your own sheer sanity you need a bath and that time to yourself. It will do him good to have one to one time worth baby as you get that all of the time when he is at work. Stand firm op and remind him you gave birth 11 weeks ago and will still be recovering. It take almost 10 months to grow a baby, its takes time to heal most to mention all of the hormones. Maybe even mention hormones too, really be honest with him, I reckon he will run for the hills as soon as you unload on him and you will be left to have your relaxing bath!

not to^

I dont think it's fair to give him the baby and expect him to do a shop. Either he goes alone, or you order a take out and an online food shop for monday. Try and plan ahead, get your food delivered.

I can't believe some people think it's mad to take a new baby shopping. My DH was at work I had to take my baby shopping. I have never used a food delivery service & don't plan to use one either. My preference, my choice.

To your point, seeing as your baby takes a bottle I don't see why he can't take baby shopping either. Maybe he was having a bad day when you called? Maybe he's a little nervous?

No yanbu

I must be the only person that hates online food shopping, need to see what I’m buying so I’m in and out of the shops regularly weekly

The bloody entitlement! Send him to the supermarket on his own or with baby in tow. That baby who has you so tired was a mutual decision, he needs to do his half.

The world will change the day men are forced into a maternity leave while their wives are out there progressing their careers for the sake of the family.

I can't believe some people think it's mad to take a new baby shoppingconfused. My DH was at work I had to take my baby shopping.

Well, no, you didn't have to. You say yourself you didn't want to online shop - there's a difference. Needing to do something is very different from choosing to do it!

'I dont think it's fair to give him the baby and expect him to do a shop.'

have people gone crazy? Of course it is fair! Send the man to the shops, it's one baby not a tribe of toddlers!

Asking him to take the baby out so you can have a bath, and maybe pick up a few bits of shopping if baby is good - reasonable

Asking him to take potentially cranky baby out and do a proper food shop on a busy Saturday - unreasonable. And not in your interest. If you force him to do that and he has a nightmare it will not encourage him to take the baby out again on his own.

This is s bit silly. He doesnt need to take the baby shopping. Just do the shopping. Better still get an online delivery.

I think it is very fair, op needs a break. OP has baby all of the time on her own and for her to feel relaxed it will surely be better if dh takes the baby so she wont hear baby crying during her bath.

I can't help feeling that a lot of the problem attend from the perception that a new father won't know what to do. Yet there's little consideration given to a new mother.
Yes, he's been at work, but OP has been cleaning and looking after a tiny baby - it's not as though she's been lazing about.
When our DC was born, DH hadn't looked after a baby before. He still managed to take her out for walks or to the shop without me, even after a day in the office.

I haven't had a minute without my DD since she was born

I'm not usually one to stick up for lazy husbands, but in his defence he's probably just panicking. I made my Mum come food shopping with me the first time I went alone with a newborn too.

He just needs to do it and build his confidence at being alone with his child.

Online shopping is your friend and will make life so much easier. It’s very rare that I go into a supermarket these days and when I do I remember within an instant why I switched to online. Baffles me why food shopping ever needs to involve an entire family.