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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH taking DD food shopping?

178 replies

Andersonx3 · 01/02/2020 12:17

My DD is 11 weeks old. I'm on maternity leave, DH works full time. DD is going through a growth spurt and is very fussy, constantly crying and needs to be held. I have said to DH that I'm drained and don't want to go food shopping today, he said we need to. We do need food but there's enough in to last until tomorrow. He said I'm being unreasonable so I suggested he take DD and do it on his own whilst I take a nice bath. He's absolutely lost it saying I can't expect him to do that. AIBU??

OP posts:
notacooldad · 01/02/2020 13:53

I dont think it's fair to give him the baby and expect him to do a shop
Why the hell not? It's only what a lot of mum's are doing every day of the week!
OP your DH is being absolutely ridiculous.

I work shift work and one evening on the way home from work and one weekend day every two weeks DH does a 'big' shop. He has done this ever since DS1 was born 24 years ago. He is capable of going through the cupboards to see if we need wash poweder, cleaning sprays and going upstairs to see how much loo paper is left and if we need toothpaste, shampoo etc. If a bloke of pushing 60 can do this without direction and not needed to be asked I'm sure your husband can step up. DH used to take the babies so that I could have a sleep after a night shift and buy supermarket flowers and let the boys say they had picked them for me.
As for him speaking harshly to you because you are tired, well he needs his arse kicking for that!!

RandomWok · 01/02/2020 13:54

Click and collect for tomorrow

LannieDuck · 01/02/2020 13:58

I haven't had a minute without my DD since she was born

You're making a rod for your own back with this. He needs to build up his confidence with her. Maybe start at home with you going to visit a friend for a few hours, or going for a hair cut. Then he can take her out to the park alone, and then he'll be ready to take her shopping.

Do it sooner rather than later, and do it regularly.

I'm guessing he's another not taking any parental leave? Men need to start taking at least a month or two of leave when baby is young and Mum's back at work. That way they learn what it takes to look after their child all day, every day.

Yesterdayforgotten · 01/02/2020 13:58

'He just needs to do it and build his confidence at being alone with his child.'

That's exactly it, once he has done it once he could have baby on own even an hour every weekend to give op a break.

Yesterdayforgotten · 01/02/2020 14:00

All these people saying click and collect are missing the point. I feel this is more about op getting a break away from baby than the food shop.

Smurfy23 · 01/02/2020 14:00

Agree it sounds like he is panicking a bit. Its one thing to be full of confidence when you have someone else with you but if hes never taken her out on his own in 11 weeks that says a lot.

I get what he says about not wasting time but I cant really see how both of you going to the shop together is anything but a waste of time for one person at least?!

I would also suggest online shopping or if not rethink your approach so only one goes. But Id also start suggesting he takes DD out on his own somewhere even if only to a coffee shop just so he knows how to deal with her on his own and you get a break.

Yesterdayforgotten · 01/02/2020 14:03

If you have a local IKEA maybe he could take Dd there as always lots of dc in the cafe and he may feel more comfortable. He could also walk her around there in the pram and feed her in the cafe. Alittle hard for too many outdoor activities with it being winter.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/02/2020 14:05

DH always did the main food shop on the way home from work when DS was a baby. He passed a supermarket on the way home, so it made sense. Once DS was older and could sit happily in the trolley I did more shopping with him.

coconutpie · 01/02/2020 14:05

I don't understand this at all? Why can't your DH go do the food shopping himself? There is no way I would have done food shopping with an 11 week old baby. We either ordered online or else DH went out and got the groceries by himself.

DoesItGetAnyBetter · 01/02/2020 14:06

YANBU to expect some time to yourself. YABU if you expect your DH to do a full weekly shop with a crying baby in tow. It’s not fair on either your DH or baby.

Your DH on the other hand is BU by not recognising how absolutely shattering it is to be the one who is solely responsible for keeping your baby alive. EBF is bloody hard work. (It always made me die when people thought they were doing me a “favour” by giving a bottle. They all seemed to forget I was the one that had to pump the fucker in the first place).

Get your DH to pick up some emergency provisions on his way home.
He can then take baby while you have a bath.
Book an online shop for tomorrow.

You will both look at this tomorrow and realise how crazy it is to get upset with each other over the simple things.

Work out a new routine together when you are feeling less frazzled and he’s not at work. X

solittletime · 01/02/2020 14:08

Just being realistic. Saturdays the shops are bad enough as it is. I think sending him off with the caveat that if baby is cranky inside (some babies don’t like the bright lights and the cold of a supermarket)

PityParty4one · 01/02/2020 14:08

YANBU.
He is being pathetic.
I would tell him to take DD out anyway just so you get a break.

yeraballoon · 01/02/2020 14:10

I'm assuming he doesn't see any problem with you taking her out by yourself?

Feed her before they go, she'll be fine.

He's being pathetic.

stophuggingme · 01/02/2020 14:10

All three of mine used to conk out and sleep as newborns in the supermarket trolleys. As long as they were warm enough. I did keep in their car seat and laid it a bit flatter back and it had a good but they were happy as Larry in there.

He’s being a big girl’s blouse.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/02/2020 14:11

Think I'll just suggest a takeaway & delivery tomorrow and he can take DD for a bit whilst I rest

Sounds like a good plan. He shouldn't have lost it but things can get a but fractious with a new baby in the house. Hope you feel better after a rest.

Click and collect or delivery will make things easier for everyone.

Kbrooke08932 · 01/02/2020 14:12

I presume this is your first child! My second is the same age as yours and I have been going to a yoga class once a week for the last month. Please get a little bit of time to yourself, you will feel a lot better if you do. I appreciate it is hard if you are EBF, I expressed milk so my husband could do the late evening feed while I went to bed early too, although I have switched to formula now.

Oysterbabe · 01/02/2020 14:16

I would go shopping and leave him home with the baby. I remember those days well and going out and going food shopping alone feels like a holiday 😂

stophuggingme · 01/02/2020 14:18

@Oyster

Yes it is the closest thing to relaxation I get these days

copperoliver · 01/02/2020 14:19

Maybe you should get into the routine of doing an online shop, and just pick us bits in the week.
Then you can just spend quality time at the weekend as a family, Like your husband likes to do, which is nice.
He can also then stay downstairs with the baby while you have a nice bath, ready to go out and do stuff as a family x

AcrossthePond55 · 01/02/2020 14:26

I know I am being totally unreasonable, but I always liked grocery shopping (US, huge store, wide aisles). So I'd leave the kids (even as babies) home with DH and go myself. I'd wander the aisles browsing, finding new foods or products to try, and generally enjoying the time to myself. Other than the 'scenery' I treated it like a solo stroll. I'd pick up a treat at the bakery, grab a coffee to go and sit in the car and enjoy them before heading home. An hour's shopping would take me two. And lucky for me, this was before cellphones so he couldn't call me to see what was taking so long!

Your DH needs to get used to having DD on his own whether it's at home or out and about. That's what you need to focus on.

Imtootired · 01/02/2020 14:33

Why don’t one of you go and one stay home with the baby?

Spied · 01/02/2020 14:33

Why can't baby just stay at home with you?
DH has just finished work and if you need some shopping surely he can go alone out of ease and vet what you need.
I personally wouldn't expect him to drag a grumpy baby around whilst I chilled at home after him being at work.

Spieluhr · 01/02/2020 14:35

I must be the only person that hates online food shopping, need to see what I’m buying so I’m in and out of the shops regularly weekly 

I hate it too. I find it more work than actually going to the store and I like looking at different ingredients to inspire me. Also too often I find that certain items show as unavailable on the site when my local store is full of them.

ToastandCheese · 01/02/2020 14:36

Why have you not had a minute without her since she’s been born? He needs to spend time with her by himself.

Drabarni · 01/02/2020 14:37

I know some have suggested online delivery, but before this men were taking their babies shopping.
Men are going backwards, wtf are raising such useless tossers.

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