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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

364 replies

Scampitramp · 31/01/2020 22:18

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 31/01/2020 23:41

@Scampitramp

Just make sure they understand not to publicise the event as school friends & strangers might descend without an invitation!

Sunnydaysrock · 31/01/2020 23:43

You know your kids. If they are sensible and not likely to argue/fall out then of course you're ok to leave them. We fully intend to leave ours over night for the first time this year DD16 DS12. Ours get on great and can be trusted for 24hrs. And have people to call on if necessary. If yours are the same, why wouldn't you start to give you all some independence?

GADDay · 31/01/2020 23:44

**Over 16 year olds shouldn't be left alone frequently for long periods of time or for multiple nights.

mind blown
Confused

This is just nanny state bullshit gone mad...

TippledPink · 31/01/2020 23:45

Another social worker here- I have left my 13 and 14 year olds overnight on a few occasions. They have survived, but don't fight and spend all their time in their rooms so wouldn't notice I wasn't there anyway 😆 I check in regularly with them (well with DD13 anyway as DS14 is not the best communicator).

TatianaLarina · 31/01/2020 23:45

It’s fine as long as the 16 year old isn’t planning a party. I would and did.

TatianaLarina · 31/01/2020 23:47

In fact my parties were fine, bar a hole in the kitchen wall where someone did a handstand and fell against it. 🙊

drivingtofrance · 31/01/2020 23:47

Jesus some of these replies!

You know your DC better than we do.
I would hope though that they could be trusted to be alone for 24 hours.

At 16 for sure. 13? The 16 year old will have to be responsible'. Will they Co-operate?

I start leaving my DS for one nighters at 15. We were only an hour away but he loved the freedom. I would not have left him if I thought that he was anxious about it.

StarlightGold · 31/01/2020 23:49

Yes I think it is fine. I was first left alone overnight at 17 (and I have anxiety and ASD) and I was completely fine. In all fairness I did end up going to a party (which parents knew about) so was out for most of the night. I am sure they will be fine, however obviously you know your kids best

WombOfOnesOwn · 31/01/2020 23:50

Goodness. By the time I was 16, all my good friends from primary school were mothers themselves, responsible for caring for newborns or toddlers.

I know that's not the way it is everywhere, but this wasn't back in the dark ages, it was 2000. A 16 year old is very capable of taking care of an intellectually and emotionally normal 13 year old for one night. At 14-15 I would babysit for a developmentally disabled (Down Syndrome) toddler and her older sister. I was CPR and first aid certified and would have been appalled at the idea that I was somehow unequipped. Again, some girls are already moms at that age, and we don't just take their babies off them because they couldn't be fit for purpose.

lastqueenofscotland · 31/01/2020 23:53

I would leave the 16 year old pitchout a moments thought, it’s the 16 year old being responsible for the 14 year old that makes me uncomfortable

1Morewineplease · 31/01/2020 23:56

16 year olds are eligible to work . Why on Earth are you questioning this???
I’m literally gobsmacked at this question!
I babysat young children by this age.
Bloody hell

Threeflyingducks · 01/02/2020 00:00

16yr old on their own, yes. 16yr old with the responsibility of looking after a 13yr old, no

daisypond · 01/02/2020 00:01

Some 16 year olds are parents, responsible for their own babies.

saraclara · 01/02/2020 00:01

We left our 18 year old home alone for a weekend recently and that made me feel uneasy.

WTF?
Presumably you're not going to trust your poor teenager to go away to university? How long are you planning to force them to live at home, if you can't even face them being alone for a weekend?

PickAChew · 01/02/2020 00:01

Of they are responsible. Fine. If not, no.

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2020 00:01

Of course it would be fine unless they’re a pair of utter thickos

Yes, because being 'bright' means you can cope with all situations/eventualities

Or not.

shamelessfamilyoverroad · 01/02/2020 00:03

16 year old alone yes but not supervising a younger sibling no.

Suggestives · 01/02/2020 00:03

Only you know your kids and it sounds like you're happy they'd be fine.

So it comes down to what other people think and this thread shows that half will support you and half will criticise you.

So sod what other people think and do what you think is right.

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2020 00:03

Again, some girls are already moms at that age, and we don't just take their babies off them because they couldn't be fit for purpose.

And their babies can't defy them, or slam out the front door to go to a friends', or FB the neighbourhood...

I would leave the the 16 year-old if they were ok with it. I wouldn't leave them in charge of their sibling.

Do they never, ever fall out?

JRUIN · 01/02/2020 00:04

I used to babysit 2 or 3 young children into the very early hours of the morning at 13/14 years old, so would not hesitate to leave a sensible 14yr old with a 16yr old, especially these days when I'm guessing the DC have mobile phones to contact you with should a problem arise.

mindutopia · 01/02/2020 00:05

I stayed home alone for 3-4 days at a time from 12/13. My mum was a single parent and there was no one who lived close enough to school to take me. When she had work trips, I fended for myself as she had no other choice. She had to work. It was no big deal. I did on one occasion fall down the stairs and dislocate my knee. Hmm But I was sensible enough to lie on the sofa, put some peas on it, keep it elevated and wait til she came home the next day (this was pre mobile phones). Even still, it really was fine.

QuiteForgetful · 01/02/2020 00:06

I would arrange sleepovers through friends parents.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 01/02/2020 00:07

AmelieTaylor i said i felt uneasy leaving him, he is very independent, cooks, cleans washes his clothes and goes away with friends, just felt odd leaving him home on his own, although obviously he wasn't bothered.

IdblowJonSnow · 01/02/2020 00:07

I probably wouldn't.
I mean if you had to go to hospital or to a sick relative for any reason then yes in those circumstances. But not for a party and it's quite far away.
Also my mum thought I was sensible and I really wasn't! Wink

MGC31 · 01/02/2020 00:11

My parents went away for the weekend for my 14th birthday, leaving my 17 yr old brother in charge. He drove to get us a video and pizza for a birthday celebration and crashed the car. He was gone for hours and I freaked out hugely wondering where he was.