Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

364 replies

Scampitramp · 31/01/2020 22:18

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

OP posts:
lovelove9 · 03/02/2020 17:51

No, can you arrange sleepovers for them at their friends houses?

flippyflapper · 03/02/2020 17:57

My ds is 17 and dd 14 and no i wouldn't

sausagepastapot · 03/02/2020 17:58

You're their parent, you know if they are dickheads or not.

I would have been fine left alone overnight as a 13 year old. I babysat other kids from 14 until the wee hours.

They have to be left alone at some point in their near future. I think they will be absolutely fine.

JosefKeller · 03/02/2020 18:07

I suspect people who don't think a 13 year old should be left alone overnight are also people who don't think a 13 year old is a good choice of babysitter.

you are absolutely correct! But by the same token, they probably think a 16 year old is not right enough, which is weird.

Wannabangbang · 03/02/2020 18:13

I would say yes depending on how responsible the 16yo is and how mature the 13yo is. And whether they get on enough to be good in a emergency, fire for example.
Different children have different rates of when they are mature. Depends on how you view your own kids, and whether you've left them alone for a long time before.

okiedokieme · 03/02/2020 18:15

Legally yes but depends on your kids and whether there's an adult who can respond in an emergency. I left mine from 17&15, the younger is far more capable

cologne4711 · 03/02/2020 18:22

Those nspcc guidelines are bonkers re over 16 year olds

I agree. But they're only guidelines and have zero legal force.

I have to leave my 17 year old for the first time overnight in a few weeks. I am not massively comfortable with it, but you have to start somewhere and he'll be 18 before the year's out so he's only a few months off being an adult.

No way would I expect him to take responsibility for a younger sibling though.

spongejack · 03/02/2020 19:17

I left my then 13yr old overnight on her own.
There was an iron tight back up plan with several adults involved, but all went fine.
Well that was lucky , because if it had not you would have had social services/police involvement or worse. How could you be so selfish?

Such fucking hysterical drama!!

IHaveBrilloHair · 03/02/2020 21:25

If something had gone wrong police would be involved immediately since I live opposite the police station.

Italiangreyhound · 03/02/2020 21:38

Words fail. Clearly that is not true!

BingoLittlesUncle · 03/02/2020 21:58

I would have no hesitation in leaving them. At 16 they should be able to take the responsibility for one night and, if they can't, I'd say you have a problem there.

TrainspottingWelsh · 03/02/2020 22:11

Yes, how selfish of you Brillohair, raising a mature and responsible teenager and allowing her to develop into an independent adult.

Just think, if you'd been an oh so superior parent and taken the lazy option, not bothering to teach and encourage basic life skills, you too could have posted ludicrous comments about the police. And you'd be the proud parent of an immature and clueless adult child.

Next time dsd ponders why some of her fellow students appear to have the life skills of the average 10yr old I will point her to this thread.

Tombakersscarf · 03/02/2020 22:29

Trainspottingwelsh you sound a little overwrought.

TrainspottingWelsh · 03/02/2020 22:52

Yy Tom nightmare week here. Dd's childminder has said that she won't pander to my idiocy any longer and won't have dd over the summer holidays or throughout sixth form. Then we find out the nanny has quit and dsd has been left alone at uni when she's a summer born. My poor babies.

MadamePewter · 03/02/2020 23:17

@TrainspottingWelsh 😂😂

Tombakersscarf · 03/02/2020 23:58

Tres drole

Italiangreyhound · 04/02/2020 00:25

I was a babysitter at 16. I seriously would not want my 16 year old self looking after my kids now!

I'm still noticing everyone seems to think they have the power to 'make' their kids mature! Does no one think there is any nature in any of this, is it all nurture!

PumpkinP · 04/02/2020 00:59

Wow this thread is crazy. I was kicked out at 16 and so were all my siblings, we all coped just fine living alone.

My nephew who is 16 babysits my 4 kids sometimes, not over night yet but he will be soon.

Bluerussian · 04/02/2020 05:31

I am in awe Pumpkin. I would have loved to have been kicked out at 16. However I ran away from home, got involved with unsuitable men and ended up in a home until I was 18.5. That was the down side of the swinging '60s.

However the op and her husband are not my parents and she posts with genuine concern. What is right for one is not right for another.

I think, as long as the girls get on and are generally well behaved, they should be OK on their own for that period of time, as long as they are happy about it.

Italiangreyhound · 04/02/2020 08:01

I will agree this thread is crazy but for different reasons. I think its very sad if people were kicked out of home or had to run away. It doesn't sound good to me.

How do your kids feel about the prospect of being looked after overnight by a 16 year old?

PumpkinP · 04/02/2020 08:17

They like it, a 16 year old is more than old enough to baby sit. Crazy thread. Luckily this thread doesn’t represent real life. No one I know irl would bat an eyelid at this!

PumpkinP · 04/02/2020 08:20

Since people love to quote the nspcc

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight
PumpkinP · 04/02/2020 08:21

No legal age.

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight
lovelyupnorth · 04/02/2020 09:02

Our 17 y/o is home alone at the moment for two weeks with grandma checking occasionally and a couple of other back up plans but as she’s off to South Africa in 6 months to work for the summer I think she’ll cope.

I do wonder what sort of society we live in, then I look at Facebook and mumsnet and remember a paranoid delusional one that expects the state to look after our children, teach them to wipe their arse, cook, morals.

And complain when society has failed them even tough the parents did either far too much or fuck all parenting.

Right off to report myself to social services for neglecting my 17 y/o Smile

Op you know your kids they’ll be fine.

JosefKeller · 04/02/2020 09:58

I'm still noticing everyone seems to think they have the power to 'make' their kids mature! Does no one think there is any nature in any of this, is it all nurture!

there is a lot of personality involved, but also of lot of practical experience.
If your child is driven absolutely everywhere, you might reasonably worry about letting them go to "london" on his own for the day for the very first time, even at 16. (there was a recent thread about that)

If your child has to take public transport from Year 7 to go to school, you won't bat an eyelid about a 16 year old going back and forth across London and taking a train or plane on their own.

You build their independence gradually.

You don't bath your 16 year old, do you? There's a day when you leave your child in the bath for the 1st time with the door closed...

Swipe left for the next trending thread