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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

364 replies

Scampitramp · 31/01/2020 22:18

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 31/01/2020 22:49

I am a social worker and I first left my two overnight together along when they were 16 and 11. They were fine.

SunsetBoulevard3 · 31/01/2020 22:52

I wouldn’t .

Elle08 · 31/01/2020 22:54

It is a party not a emergency.
Would be a no from me.

megletthesecond · 31/01/2020 22:56

No.

thenightsky · 31/01/2020 22:57

Not overnight, but I left 13 yr old and 9 yr old from 6am to 6pm (24 hours) in an emergency once. DH had an accident 5 hours from home and I had to get a lift to pick up his car and belongings and visit him in hospital.

I'd not have done it for a social event.

Celeriacacaca · 31/01/2020 22:58

No and I'm quite relaxed. Why can't they have a sleepover.

JosefKeller · 31/01/2020 23:00

in a world where parents can't even leave their kids go to uni without holding their hands, you can expect quite a few horrified no.

Otherwise, depends on the children, and the set up.

In most families it would be absolutely fine. Yes, they might go to bed a bit late, and watch an 18 movie or 2.
Haven't we all.

If you can't trust a 16 year old, when will you ever! 13 year old is fine too. Don't people really haven't left anyone ever at that age? Blimey.

cuckooken · 31/01/2020 23:01

I'm trying to work out what kind of party needs you to go out for almost 24 hours.

Zebracat · 31/01/2020 23:01

Of course you can. You know your children.

saraclara · 31/01/2020 23:02

A sensible 16 and 13 year old should be fine, especially if there are good neighbours to call on.

poodlepoo9999 · 31/01/2020 23:02

It would be no for me.

daisypond · 31/01/2020 23:02

NSPCC guidance says it’s fine-
“Children under 16 years old shouldn't be left alone overnight.” You have a 16 year old and a 13 year old. Neither is alone.

RUSU92 · 31/01/2020 23:02

I'd be led by them I think. If they're fine with it, and you trust them to be sensible, why not. Your 16 y/o is old enough to take care of their sibling.

I have a 15 & 13 y/o and would trust them over and above my 19 y/o tbh!! But they might be freaked out if they heard noises or eg the cats knocked something off and would panic, so I don't think I would just yet. I may have to leave them with the 19 yo for a night or two coming up, but it helps knowing that technically he's an adult, even if he doesn't behave like one!

Travelledtheworld · 31/01/2020 23:05

Yes.

MadamePewter · 31/01/2020 23:05

Absolutely fine

Iloveplacentas · 31/01/2020 23:05

I was living alone at 16....

aibutohavethisusername · 31/01/2020 23:07

Would be fine.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/01/2020 23:07

only you know your kids abilities OP...

Tombakersscarf · 31/01/2020 23:08

Not at 13 though

Pythonesque · 31/01/2020 23:09

They're a year younger than my two and it would be a yes from me - as long as they were happy with the arrangements. We don't have the option of relatives but do have supportive neighbours.

Thinking about it, we have over the last year seriously discussed the possibility of them doing multi-leg long-haul flights independently when exploring the logistics of visiting / supporting aging grandparents overseas. Haven't needed to do it but we all concluded that it was a plausible option if circumstances warranted.

I think my younger one - 14 - would be ok left on his own overnight now if there was a need to. As long as they get along, siblings together is a more viable option than one on their own.

multivac · 31/01/2020 23:09

I think it would be fine. Do you have a friend who lives nearby who could be a designated 'on call' adult? We sometimes did that when leaving our 14-year-olds home of an evening (not overnight, but late).

CountFosco · 31/01/2020 23:12

I think I'm fairly paranoid about this kind of thing but I would leave a sensible 16 year old in charge of their siblings for an overnight. There are 16yos living away from home, I knew a 16yo at university who was living in halls.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 31/01/2020 23:15

You do know 16 year olds can join the army/marry etc?
It depends on the circs but I have 2 the same age and wouldn’t think twice, so long as they were happy with it. I can’t do it because I have younger ones too but the 14 and 16 yr olds are very sensible and mature.
I would make sure there was someone close by to call on in an emergency but apart from that I don’t get why some pp on here are so silly about it. No wonder we have the snowflake generation now!

AcrossthePond55 · 31/01/2020 23:15

On the face of it it seems fine. Especially if you have close neighbours who will keep an eye on the house for comings and goings and perhaps give a knock on the door late in the evening to be sure all is fine. And that your two are aware that 'Mr & Mrs Next Door' will be watching out for them.

But I do know of more than one instance where the teens at home were trustworthy and doing fine on their own but word got out that their parents were gone and their friends started showing up and lo and behold it became a party. Just be sure your kids have the voice and courage to tell their friends to GTFO if need be.

gingertwinsandautism · 31/01/2020 23:16

The NSPCC guidelines are laughable when it comes to 16 year olds. They can join the army, get married and, until recently, work full time. Some have left home! I certainly would have trusted my 16 year old with her younger brother overnight. In fact, I was often at work until 2am or later when my eldest were that age and they were fine. They also looked after a younger sibling. Never any problems.