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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

364 replies

Scampitramp · 31/01/2020 22:18

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

OP posts:
Pixxie7 · 01/02/2020 07:07

Given that 16 year olds can get married I really can’t see the problem.

WateryFowls · 01/02/2020 07:14

Assuming they aren't total eejits or wouldn't kill each other (like mine would), then yes of course it's fine.

brendansbuddy · 01/02/2020 07:15

Sounds fine. I would. Mine were sensible at that age, got on, and as long as you have a back-up person nearby and the oldest undertakes to stay home, it could be fun and help them get some confidence about being independent. Suggest you ignore the tutting. You know your kids.

lilgreen · 01/02/2020 07:16

I wouldn’t.

Enko · 01/02/2020 07:25

I would and I did when my 2 eldest were that age. As long as they are sensible and gets on well. Feels like a huge step when you do this however pur girls recall their first overnight with joy as they had a fantastic time sleeping together in the lounge and binge watching films .

They are now 22 and 20 and they are still close

lilgreen · 01/02/2020 07:29

The main reason I wouldn’t is that they wouldn’t like it. DD2 is about to turn 16 but wouldn’t want to be alone. If DD1(19) was home from uni I would leave them together.

Mistigri · 01/02/2020 07:31

As long as they get along OK and the younger one is sensible then it's fine IMO.

ivykaty44 · 01/02/2020 07:41

Mintjulia

Fire service advice is that teenage brains don’t wake up for smoke alarms, they are programmed to rely on adults.

The tests on fire alarms, were done on young D.C. aged 5-12

There two are 13/14 & 16

icecreamsundae32 · 01/02/2020 07:43

When I was 16 my boyfriend, also 16, was often left alone Friday and Saturday nights with his 13/14yo brother while his parents had a weekend away.... he had wild house parties where people were ridiculously drunk and stayed over, then had bbqs the next afternoon before another party Saturday night and then a mad clean up Sunday morning about 11am before his parents got back in the afternoon! He was also mean to his brother when he'd had a drink.... so from my experience although this was 16 years ago no I won't leave my boys when they are 16 and 13 lol!!

Casander · 01/02/2020 07:46

It would t be their age that stopped me, that bits fine, but if I left mine over night it would look like they'd lost a game of jumanji by the morning Confused

ivykaty44 · 01/02/2020 07:49

mine would be worried all night and not sleep that we were not home

Why would they be worried and not sleep? What age will this stop?

bez91 · 01/02/2020 07:51

Absolutely depends on the children I think, their maturity etc. My dad was a single parent once my mum passed away and had to work night shifts. Once I was 16 I was left alone and my 12 year old brother would sleep at a friends house.

Bar the odd wild house party, that my dad never found out about. I was very responsible x

KatharinaRosalie · 01/02/2020 07:56

Of course it's fine. Are people really saying you would get a babysitter when you have a 16 year old in the house?

daisypond · 01/02/2020 07:58

mine would be worried all night and not sleep that we were not home
Why are they so anxious? That’s what you should be worried about.

SunshineCake · 01/02/2020 07:59

So what that a social worker would do it.

Not the same that a 16 year old was living alone therefore....not comparable at all.

Last year we left our 18, almost sixteen and fourteen year olds alone for one night. All went well. Kids loved it. Neighbour happy to be on stand by and had a key. This year the 18 year old is at uni so we won't be going.

Skyejuly · 01/02/2020 07:59

I have a 13 and 16 year old. I wouldn't.

MyEnormousTurnip · 01/02/2020 08:00

My eldest is 12 and I’d find it very odd and worrying if in four years time he’s not able to spend the night at home alone with his sibling Confused

Bluewater1 · 01/02/2020 08:03

Yes to the 16 year old. I'd be asking for the 13 yo to have a sleepover with a friend or take them with me

aimslou · 01/02/2020 08:03

I was left alone for a week when I was 16 and my dad went on holiday. I was absolutely fine.
I would leave my 16 alone overnight if she had her friend with her. I think it's absolutely fine

ivykaty44 · 01/02/2020 08:04

Not the same that a 16 year old was living alone therefore....not comparable at all.

Why is it not comparable? They are the same age so that’s what’s being compared

dancemom · 01/02/2020 08:07

I would. I leave my 14yo alone until midnight if I'm out.
Also said 14yo stayed overnight alone with her 15yo friend recently when friends family had an emergency. They are both ridiculously sensible and mature and I had no issues with it at all.

Riverviews · 01/02/2020 08:15

Yes, I would. I have a DS16 and he often stays alone overnight if I am travelling for work or whatever. I was living alone at his age so I don't see an issue with this.

If your 13yo is sensible, I would do it

Oblomov20 · 01/02/2020 08:22

I think it would be ok. So long as their relationship is respectful.

When I first left Ds2 at home for a half day, he loved it!

Blackbear19 · 01/02/2020 08:23

Very much depends on the children and their relationship.

Over 16 year oldsshouldn't be left alone frequently for long periods of time or for multiple nights.
Did I really read that? How stupid. 16yos can be married, have babies, go to college, get a job, move country. That really makes me question how OTT all their advice / guidelines actually are.

WalkingOutOfFlabbiness · 01/02/2020 08:23

I would if the kids were usually sensible. There are clearly some children you know would party or play too hard.

Am another who had left home by 16 - I presume parents who would do this have encouraged other independent behaviours and expect their children to be able to cook and lock up etc
When I look at the disastrous uni freshers behaving like they have never had their own keys, money or been exposed to the opposite sex or alcohol I do wonder whether that’s the case for some of them