Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

364 replies

Scampitramp · 31/01/2020 22:18

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

OP posts:
Ozziewozzie · 01/02/2020 22:13

Also, my 17 yr old babysat an 8 yr old but the mum didn’t return home till morning. She got rather drunk and fell asleep at a friends house. Nobody knew where she was and so we had to take her son to school and notify the school ( mum didn’t answer her phone)
She then ended up having a social worker for a while. They contacted me and said she should never leave her child with a 17 year old overnight.
Again I was baffled as I used to regularly babysit from the age of 14.

Smith888 · 01/02/2020 22:18

@FrivolousPancake lol prob depends on how they cope with puberty. I would trust my nine year old more than my thirteen year old! Regression is an understatement!

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2020 07:55

Does any one actually know any married 16yos?

My 16yo couldn't get married or join the army because I wouldn't sign for them.

A girl I was at school with got married when she was 16. I don't think she was even pregnant. We all just felt sorry for her. She seemed surprised she still had to come to school. Her husband was quite a bit older, from what I remember.

She was the kind of teenager most parents wouldn't have left alone overnight.

ivykaty44 · 02/02/2020 08:28

LynetteScavo

Not recently, but do know a woman who married at 16 and immigrated at 17, by 18 she had her first son, one of 5 more to arrive.

I wonder what went through her mind as she stepped on the boat to sail to another country at that age, not to see the family she left behind for 30 years

JosefKeller · 02/02/2020 10:50

Does any one actually know any married 16yos?
I don't, but I am part of various groups and there are far too many 16 or 17 year old with a brand new baby. In 2020, it's shocking it's still happening.

cuckooken · 02/02/2020 10:55

^. This.

Tbh I would rather my DC for married at 16 than had a child.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/02/2020 11:01

I would be happy with the 16 year old alone, or for both together in the evening, say up until midnight but somehow leaving a 13 overnight would be a step too far for me.

Urkiddingright · 02/02/2020 11:03

Of course they will be absolutely fine. You are the parent so know whether they will be sensible and also comfortable with this set up. I babysat someone’s kids at 14 and stayed in their house overnight alone, the Mum didn’t roll in until 5am ffs. An almost 14 year old is very capable of being left with their 16 year old sibling.

Urkiddingright · 02/02/2020 11:04

I left home at 16 and survived to tell the tale.

Bouncingbelle · 02/02/2020 11:05

Of course it would be fine, they,re not toddlers! The only thing that would concern me is if they get on!

VerbenaGirl · 02/02/2020 11:11

Mine are the same age, very sensible, but can get a bit narky with each other. I wouldn’t. Actually, they really wouldn’t want to be left overnight.

lovelyupnorth · 02/02/2020 11:13

I would as long as they get on. But then we left our girls at 17 / 16 for a week.

Nogoodusername · 02/02/2020 11:25

Absolutely to the 16 year old. I was left alone many times that age. But I’m not sure about the 13 year old - depends on their relationship - my younger sibling and I fought like crazy at that age

JosefKeller · 02/02/2020 11:48

They contacted me and said she should never leave her child with a 17 year old overnight.

most stupid thing I've heard.
Because really, what is the difference between parents coming home at 4, or at 9am.

How do kids cope when they move out if they are not even trusted to be left alone overnight at 16?!?

AgentPrentiss · 02/02/2020 12:00

I don’t know anyone that got married at 16, but I know a few who had their own children and lived away from parents. Myself included.

Should I never have been left alone with my own child? Confused

Smith888 · 02/02/2020 12:56

Hard to say. My sister is a nutter and tried to smash a lightbulb over my head when we were left for a few minutes! My parents thought she was an angel lol.

jaffaeclipse · 02/02/2020 13:04

Why does a 13 year old need a foray into independence that involves being left alone overnight?

^ This. It's nothing to do with you wanting to give them a first foray into independence (which they don't need at that age) and everything to do with you wanting to go to a party without them. The time for that was before children or after they have gone to university/left home.

JosefKeller · 02/02/2020 13:51

Why does a 13 year old need a foray into independence that involves being left alone overnight?

how long do you have to hold their hands for then?

Do your 13 year old accept to have a paid babysitter to look after them? That would be a lot more embarrassing than anything else.
So you wait until they are 18 to leave the house in the evening? What's the difference if you come home at 4 am or 9am? What's the difference if they wake up whilst you are on your way home, or you are already gone to the supermarket?

If you need to be away, what do you do?

Children need to be comfortable with independence so they are comfortable in their own skins and life, it should just be natural.

Then you have so many threads where posters complain that their husband or boyfriend don't know how to iron a shirt or haven't got an once of common sense. There's the reason, their mothers are on there and want to keep their babies.

jaffaeclipse · 02/02/2020 13:56

If you need to be away, what do you do?

The OP doesn't need to be away, she wants to be away.

Settlersofcatan · 02/02/2020 13:58

Mn is weird about night/ the dark. I don't think daytime is any different and even on mumsnet, I think most people would leave a 13 year old during the day

BugBasher · 02/02/2020 14:15

You know them best, entirely your call. I leave my 16, 15 & 13 year olds most Friday nights (neighbours & sister on-call but never been needed so far). Next year the (then) 17 & 16 yo's will be home alone while I go on honeymoon but youngest will stay with my sister.

I believe that by 16 all kids should be able to be left alone for a couple of nights & the responsibility does them good. BUT, mine have been given progressive amounts of responsibility from starting high school & this is the point we've now got to. You can't go from 24 x 7 helicopter parenting to suddenly leaving them alone overnight.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/02/2020 14:51

I really cant believe people wouldn't leave someone alone overnight until uni age.

Italiangreyhound · 02/02/2020 14:54

Children are all different , some at 13 are very mature, some are not.

It's all very well saying some people are parents at 16, and again, maybe some are very responsible parents at 16 and some are not.

I wouldn't leave mine alone at 13 and 16 overnight. Overnight could easily lead to an all night party and that could lead to a whole bunch of trouble.

Once you tell kids I won't be back until tomorrow there is always the chance they will organise a party etc! or tell friends etc.

I am just a worrier!

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jul/13/what-to-do-when-teenage-parties-go-wrong-parents-guide

iolaus · 02/02/2020 15:36

The 16 year old I would

The 13 year old I'm not so sure (especially as some siblings are worse when together than seperately)

That said I left my 18, 17 and 15 year olds at home over night last year and wasn't worried about them in the slightest (main worry was coming home to no food in the house) and earlier this year left them in charge of the 8 year old overnight as well (that time we were about 45minutes away if they had rung us to come back - the time before we were 4hours+ away)

Fieldofgreycorn · 02/02/2020 16:02

You can be a babysitter at 16 so generally yes it’s ok.
The 13 yr old won’t be alone, they’ll be with the 16 yr old.

But of course it depends on your individual children and their maturity levels.