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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my sister is utterly ridiculous

224 replies

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 16:05

Older sister has two children, I have one. For Christmas / birthdays my mum has always offered to buy one larger gift for each grandchild and then always gets them each some other smaller bits and bobs (rather than just getting loads and loads of smaller toys).

My sister over the past couple of years has said she wants to cut down on the amount of toys her children have and has asked for experience type things for them instead - totally fine, nobody in the family has a problem with that, each to their own etc etc. I don’t feel like we have an overwhelming amount of toys so I’m happy for my mum to buy my DD them.

My sister this year said she didn’t want any toys buying for her children and asked my parents to give cash instead for her to spend on them at a later date. She also asked my mum to buy theatre tickets for her, husband and children (cost c. £200 for the 4 tickets) as a Christmas present. Our mum got them the tickets, transferred another £200 to my sister’s account and also got the kids a couple of things so they had something to open (Christmas pj’s, a selection box and a book and a little craft kit type thing each).

My DD got a first bike as her larger gift and then other toys, books etc.

Today my sister has gone off on one and accused my mum of favouring my DD over her children and said my mum was horrible for still buying DD gifts and that she should have just been given cash as well. Apparently if her children haven’t got gifts to physically open then DD shouldn’t be bought them either.

They spent Christmas this year with BIL’s family so it’s not even like we were all together for opening presents for her children to question why my DD got toys they didn’t get.
And my mum is always really fair about making sure things are equal between all her grandchildren so it’s not like one gets more than the other throughout the year or in terms of amounts spent.

My mum is really upset about this because she’s done exactly what my sister asked for and now been told she’s a horrible mother / grandmother for doing that.

My sister is being a dick, right? Surely you can’t say you want cash instead of gifts to open and then have a tantrum because other people had presents instead??

And quite frankly, I don’t want cash from my mum as a present for her granddaughter! My sister does and that’s fine but I know my mum likes picking out presents for DD and I don’t see how it’s reasonable to expect everyone to stop giving gifts to open just because she doesn’t want that.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Ludways · 31/01/2020 19:43

Yes, your sister is a dick

Nonnymum · 31/01/2020 19:47

Your sister is behaving very strangely.of course she can't dictate what your mum gets your child for Christmas. Do you think there is more to this is she upset about something else and using the gifts as an excuse to moan or is she usually so unreasonable?

wonderstuff · 31/01/2020 19:49

YANBU

dottiedodah · 31/01/2020 19:52

Well she obviously wants her cake and to eat it! She has requested experiences for her family, and was probably happy with them , then her DC saw their Cousins new bike and kicked off no doubt! Does she think you got the money as well ? I would tell her you asked DM for presents and didnt have the "experiences " as well!

AriadnesFilament · 31/01/2020 19:59

the upshot is she thinks she’s justified in being annoyed because “it’s unfair” that her children might realise they missed out on presents and be upset. I’ve pointed out it’s what she asked for so she doesn’t get to be a knob to our mum about it and needs to apologise to her and that maybe she should ask her kids which option they’d prefer in future rather than making a decision herself if she’s that worried they might be upset about getting money for days out vs things to play with.

@newbingepisodes and she needs to grow a pair and actually explain to her children that they’ve had bloody money and where it’s gone!

angelikacpickles · 31/01/2020 20:20

YANBU. My kids and 8 and 5 and if I explained to them that their toddler cousin had got a bike from granny and grandad whereas they had got tickets/days out/etc. they would absolutely understand.

Dolorabelle · 31/01/2020 20:28

I've never seen 100% YANBU

YANBU

And your poor mum.

aroundtheworldyet · 31/01/2020 20:36

UM I just tried to YABU just to see what happened and it didn’t accept it.
Even the ACTUAL INTERNET thinks your sister is WRONG

Whynosnowyet · 31/01/2020 20:37

I reckon now she will have to tell her dc it has been dgm all along flashing cash on days out not her..

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 31/01/2020 20:49

YANBU. Your sister can have everything to suit her and she's very wrong to have a go at your mum. Well done for calling it out.

If she's worried her DC will get upset, it's down to her to explain that she's asked your parents to give experiences and cash and not expect everyone else to adjust their present buying habits to fall into line.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 31/01/2020 20:50

*cant have everything to suit, not can!

MulticolourMophead · 31/01/2020 21:05

YANBU, and well done for calling it out.

UtterSocks · 31/01/2020 21:13

Your sister sounds like a massively grabby, entitled bitch. Your poor mum, having to put up with her

FrangipaniBlue · 31/01/2020 21:13

Anyone else thinking @Tabbykitty might be the OPs sister Confused

strawberry2017 · 31/01/2020 21:15

Just because she wants cash for her kids, why should you have to do the same.
She is being a dick.

HuggedTrees · 31/01/2020 21:18

100% YANBU 1657 votes.

Your sister is a dick.

PearTreeParty · 31/01/2020 21:40

What a twat

I can guarantee that the path to this has been:

  1. Hmmm I don't think I want more plastic tat in the house
  2. I know! I'll ask mum for cash for the DC so I can spend it on things I want to have in the house
  3. Oh no! It seems that my DC are too small to for cash to trump wrapped presents. I think they might be disappointed.
  4. And Oh! Now look - a shiny new bike for D neice.
  5. Shit. I made the wrong decision. How dare my sister not make the wrong decision along with me.
  6. Everyone is selfish.
EL8888 · 31/01/2020 21:45

“the upshot is she thinks she’s justified in being annoyed because “it’s unfair” that her children might realise they missed out on presents and be upset. I’ve pointed out it’s what she asked for so she doesn’t get to be a knob to our mum about it and needs to apologise to her and that maybe she should ask her kids which option they’d prefer in future rather than making a decision herself if she’s that worried they might be upset about getting money for days out vs things to play with“

This is a decision she made so why is she whining?! Nobody made her do it. She needs to explain she made these decisions. Why take it out on someone else (someone who has been rather generous as well). How is your mum doing?

EL8888 · 31/01/2020 21:46

@PearTreeParty seems like a fair summary of events. Has she got no self awareness?!

PrayingandHoping · 31/01/2020 21:55

So she's forcing her parenting decisions on you..... she doesn't want her mum buying her children gifts so you have to do the same

Errr.... no!

cstaff · 31/01/2020 21:55

So because she changed the way your mum gives her kids their presents you automatically have to change also even though you were happy with the way things were. Yeah right...let her rant away. She has either spent the kids money and they have nothing from their nana for Xmas or she is jealous of the bike your kid got.

Just tell her to change back for next year. Show your mum this if she is upset and she will realise that your sister is talking b.s..

Dizzygirl00 · 31/01/2020 22:16

Yep she’s definitely being a dick. Your mum and you should take no notice 😊

overnightangel · 31/01/2020 22:26

I love a unanimous poll 😂

WombOfOnesOwn · 31/01/2020 22:51

She's spending her children's present money on herself and doesn't want her children to know that money was supposed to be theirs.

This is a mark of an abusive parent. Ask me how I know.

What do you know about your sister's relationship with her children, OP? This is a red flag a mile wide in my experience: materialistic mother who's always trying to get more cash and fewer things for the children.

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2020 23:00

Yes it was my first thought too, that her kids think their gram didn't get them any proper gifts, and your daughter got a bike, so will be naturally upset. They don't know about the money, that's why she's annoyed.