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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my sister is utterly ridiculous

224 replies

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 16:05

Older sister has two children, I have one. For Christmas / birthdays my mum has always offered to buy one larger gift for each grandchild and then always gets them each some other smaller bits and bobs (rather than just getting loads and loads of smaller toys).

My sister over the past couple of years has said she wants to cut down on the amount of toys her children have and has asked for experience type things for them instead - totally fine, nobody in the family has a problem with that, each to their own etc etc. I don’t feel like we have an overwhelming amount of toys so I’m happy for my mum to buy my DD them.

My sister this year said she didn’t want any toys buying for her children and asked my parents to give cash instead for her to spend on them at a later date. She also asked my mum to buy theatre tickets for her, husband and children (cost c. £200 for the 4 tickets) as a Christmas present. Our mum got them the tickets, transferred another £200 to my sister’s account and also got the kids a couple of things so they had something to open (Christmas pj’s, a selection box and a book and a little craft kit type thing each).

My DD got a first bike as her larger gift and then other toys, books etc.

Today my sister has gone off on one and accused my mum of favouring my DD over her children and said my mum was horrible for still buying DD gifts and that she should have just been given cash as well. Apparently if her children haven’t got gifts to physically open then DD shouldn’t be bought them either.

They spent Christmas this year with BIL’s family so it’s not even like we were all together for opening presents for her children to question why my DD got toys they didn’t get.
And my mum is always really fair about making sure things are equal between all her grandchildren so it’s not like one gets more than the other throughout the year or in terms of amounts spent.

My mum is really upset about this because she’s done exactly what my sister asked for and now been told she’s a horrible mother / grandmother for doing that.

My sister is being a dick, right? Surely you can’t say you want cash instead of gifts to open and then have a tantrum because other people had presents instead??

And quite frankly, I don’t want cash from my mum as a present for her granddaughter! My sister does and that’s fine but I know my mum likes picking out presents for DD and I don’t see how it’s reasonable to expect everyone to stop giving gifts to open just because she doesn’t want that.

AIBU??

OP posts:
greenlavender · 31/01/2020 17:08

She's being unfair on your mother and you.

SecretNutellaFix · 31/01/2020 17:09

Your sister is behaving like an utter brat.

If she's kicking off in public, which is basically what SM group chats are, then by all means call her on it.

SquigglePigs · 31/01/2020 17:10

Your sister is being outrageous. I can live with her asking for experience type presents for her family but to think she can dictate what your parents buy your child is ridiculous.

Redcrayons · 31/01/2020 17:12

At 9 and 7 they'd most probably prefer a present than an experience. Not saying they don't enjoy the theatre, I'm sure they do, but they'll have no idea how much it costs, or see it as equivalent to a shiny bike.

You sis doesn't want to be the bad guy here a nd say that she told your mum not to buy them presents.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 31/01/2020 17:18

Did she actually give the money to her kids though? Could she have kept it for herself, hence asking for cash?

Her kids would then obviously wonder why your DD had a big gift when they didn't.
7 and 9 are plenty old enough to understand the value of money.

MumW · 31/01/2020 17:19

Although they’re 9 and almost 7 so I would have thought old enough to understand they’d been given money for days out etc but DD is only 3 so I might be clueless with my expectations on that!
Your expectations are not out. However, I would expect the 7yo and probably the 9yo to think their Mum was being an arse for requesting money instead of a physical gift.

When we did a trip to Cadbury World for our nieces, they got a printed voucher wrapped up with a bar of chocolate so they still had something to unwrap.

Your sister is BVVU

Tabbykitty · 31/01/2020 17:20

You've heard this second hand, it's possible what your sister actually said was more along the lines of 'you bought DN a bike then other toys and books on top? That's a lot' ... which it is. Perhaps she said 'why don't you do the same for DN as my family' and your Mum got offended. I'd stay out of it.

I'm with your sister on theatre trip and money to be spent on things the children need rather than endless toys... if her eldest's 9 imagine how much your Mum has bought for that child that could then be passed to the other, and that's just from one set of grandparents.

With four DCs and lots of lovely toys, books and clothes to pass down we buy them a small number of new presents each then family give them a theatre/cinema/meal out plus a small amount for their savings and food treats/selection boxes. Works well and the children are very appreciative, far more so than endless stuff to open that rarely gets played with and ends up donated.

nixkix · 31/01/2020 17:21

Your sister is being totally unreasonable. Christmas gifts should be decided by the donor and not dictated by the recipient, she's lucky your mother has gone along with it for so long. Asking for £200 theatre tickets - that's CF territory.

Sexnotgender · 31/01/2020 17:23

Your sister is a loon.

QuarterMileAtATime · 31/01/2020 17:25

God, do people really act like this? How embarrassing. And your poor mum.

FourDecades · 31/01/2020 17:26

Sister sounds completely bonkers but why is this just coming up now... and the end.of January?

Ayemama · 31/01/2020 17:26

I think texting or calling her and asking what is going on is a good idea, sometimes things come across wrong although from what you've said she sounds very ungrateful

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 17:30

@Tabbykitty if my mum was someone prone to drama, exaggeration or histrionics then maybe. But she isn’t. She’s not someone who is oversensitive or gets upset over minor things. If she says that’s what has been said then that’s 100% what was said.

And nobody in the family has a problem with my sister wanting experience type things for her children. Everyone has been happy to do as she has asked.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 31/01/2020 17:34

Your poor mum. She is being so lovely and your sister is throwing it back in her face. I'd be furious with your sister and ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing, especially given the fact your parents haven't been well.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 31/01/2020 17:35

Your Sister is the ultimate Cheeky Fucker. How dare she upset your poor Mum like that after she's been so generous! It sounds like she's very used to having things all her own way.

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 17:36

@FourDecades I think it’s come up today because I mentioned we were going somewhere this weekend that has lots of child friendly little bike paths etc for DD as we haven’t had a chance to use it much since Christmas and asked if they had plans and if not wanted to meet up with us. She’d said she didn’t realise we got her a bike for Christmas and I had said it was a gift from our parents.
Although still can’t really wrap my head around why it’s wound her up so much!

OP posts:
FleetwoodMacMummy · 31/01/2020 17:38

Your sister sounds unhinged...

73Sunglasslover · 31/01/2020 17:47

Is she always this self-centred?

FourDecades · 31/01/2020 17:48

Although still can’t really wrap my head around why it’s wound her up so much!

Neither can I!! There MUST be more to it then you know.

When are you speaking to her again?

MissingMySleep · 31/01/2020 17:50

She's being silly. Maybe she spent the money on stuff for the kids and didn't tell them it was from your DM, so her children think your parents spent more on your daughter than them.

HollowTalk · 31/01/2020 17:56

I think you need to tell her that she needs to apologise to your mum. She sounds unhinged - does she have other stresses at the moment?

Iloveacurry · 31/01/2020 17:57

She wanted money for ‘experiences’, you were happy with a present for her child. Why should you have to have want she wants? She’s being very unreasonable.

SmileCheese · 31/01/2020 17:57

Of course your not being unreasonable your poor parents being made to feel like that despite being so generous.

At least your parents know to get her nothing next year. Why bother when she doesn't appreciate their efforts.

notthemum · 31/01/2020 18:00

I completely agree with Drum. Your sister is an ungrateful cow. How dare she treat your mum like that. 💐 For your mum, she deserves them. Please tell her that your sister is being vile. Your mum needs to be angry with her, not let her upset her.

Comeonbabyyay · 31/01/2020 18:01

Shocking. I don’t understand why people think they or their children are entitled to gifts. I have no clue how much my mum or MIL spend on other grandchildren.
I genuinely don’t care.
If we needed money for food or bills they would help us.
We don’t.
Any gift is appreciated.
They usually give money or ask what we want but I always give a list of options and am grateful for whatever.
If my brother reacted like this I would ignore. I can totally see my SIL being like this though.