Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my sister is utterly ridiculous

224 replies

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 16:05

Older sister has two children, I have one. For Christmas / birthdays my mum has always offered to buy one larger gift for each grandchild and then always gets them each some other smaller bits and bobs (rather than just getting loads and loads of smaller toys).

My sister over the past couple of years has said she wants to cut down on the amount of toys her children have and has asked for experience type things for them instead - totally fine, nobody in the family has a problem with that, each to their own etc etc. I don’t feel like we have an overwhelming amount of toys so I’m happy for my mum to buy my DD them.

My sister this year said she didn’t want any toys buying for her children and asked my parents to give cash instead for her to spend on them at a later date. She also asked my mum to buy theatre tickets for her, husband and children (cost c. £200 for the 4 tickets) as a Christmas present. Our mum got them the tickets, transferred another £200 to my sister’s account and also got the kids a couple of things so they had something to open (Christmas pj’s, a selection box and a book and a little craft kit type thing each).

My DD got a first bike as her larger gift and then other toys, books etc.

Today my sister has gone off on one and accused my mum of favouring my DD over her children and said my mum was horrible for still buying DD gifts and that she should have just been given cash as well. Apparently if her children haven’t got gifts to physically open then DD shouldn’t be bought them either.

They spent Christmas this year with BIL’s family so it’s not even like we were all together for opening presents for her children to question why my DD got toys they didn’t get.
And my mum is always really fair about making sure things are equal between all her grandchildren so it’s not like one gets more than the other throughout the year or in terms of amounts spent.

My mum is really upset about this because she’s done exactly what my sister asked for and now been told she’s a horrible mother / grandmother for doing that.

My sister is being a dick, right? Surely you can’t say you want cash instead of gifts to open and then have a tantrum because other people had presents instead??

And quite frankly, I don’t want cash from my mum as a present for her granddaughter! My sister does and that’s fine but I know my mum likes picking out presents for DD and I don’t see how it’s reasonable to expect everyone to stop giving gifts to open just because she doesn’t want that.

AIBU??

OP posts:
rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 16:40

@NoMorePoliticsPlease you’re right! It’s an awful lot of money. But in mum’s defence, both her and my dad have been quite unwell the last few years so I think there’s an element of splashing some cash whilst they’re both still around to see people enjoy it - if that makes sense!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 31/01/2020 16:41

Wow, someone has voted YABU. Explain yourself, whoever you are!

says 0% still for me

CornishMaid1 · 31/01/2020 16:41

I think this is the first time I have seen a vote with 100% YANBU.

You are not for the record. I would send her a message, say that what she asks for for presents for her children is her business, but that she has no say over what you ask for for yours and she needs to apologise to your poor mum.

Twillow · 31/01/2020 16:41

Did your family get an equivalent gift to the theatre trip?
Did your child's bike cost more than £100?
Probably not in both cases?
But her children had their smaller gifts to open...

She's being really strange. Could it be something else that's upset her, as on the face of it it does seem TOTALLY unreasonable of her.

firstimemamma · 31/01/2020 16:42

Yanbu!

Poppinjay · 31/01/2020 16:42

You need to support your DM's right to give her DGCs gifts and have the pleasure of seeing them opening and enjoying them.

Your DSis is being controlling and needs to be told to pull her head in. She doesn't get to dictate the relationship between your DCs and your DM.

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 16:42

@JKScot4 you have NO idea the restraint it’s taking me not to!

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 31/01/2020 16:43

I think your mum should discuss it with her OP, it never ends well when siblings get into a dispute about the treatment of parents, you'll defend your mum (rightly) and in the end your mum will want you to drop it so you and your sister get on again...

Either way she is being a dick, what an obscene amount of money to spend regardless- she should be deeply embarrassed at thinking she is hard done by.

Redcrayons · 31/01/2020 16:45

Maybe her DCs have got wind of the bike and are a bit unhappy with their PJs, not realising there has been an equal amount of cash spent in the background. DCs won't have any concept of how much theatre tickets cost.

Your sister is being a dick though.

LittleOwl153 · 31/01/2020 16:46

My guess is she's pocketed the cash and the kids are claiming its unfair as dd got a bike and they got nothing... So now she isn't happy as she'll have to spend the cash on them or uphold the claim that granny is unfair!

LightTripper · 31/01/2020 16:48

Total total dick. Please send your Mum a hug from many internet strangers (actually, don't do that, she'd probably be freaked out - but please tell her that she is 100% a lovely Grandma according to Mumsnet).

Wonkybanana · 31/01/2020 16:49

Maybe her DCs have got wind of the bike and are a bit unhappy with their PJs, not realising there has been an equal amount of cash spent in the background. DCs won't have any concept of how much theatre tickets cost.

This is probably true, especially as it's blown up a month after Christmas. However it was your sister's decision to ask for cash and theatre tickets, not the DCs', so she has to own that decision and deal with the fallout.

KatyCarrCan · 31/01/2020 16:51

Does your DSIS have a DH who could be influencing this? I'm just wondering if she was fine with money but her DH was annoyed about the lack of presents and so DSIS is blaming you and your DM rather than taking responsibility.

Ponoka7 · 31/01/2020 16:53

@NoMorePoliticsPlease
"And actually the amount of money being spent is obscene"

Theatre tickets cost what they cost. £100 each for the children on top, is nowhere near an obscene amount. Don't be ridiculous.

I think she's picked what she would prefer, but the children have objected and thinks she's out of order. Possibly spurred on by what their friends physically got.

Nosquit · 31/01/2020 16:53

Your sis is being an idiot!! I agree with PP that I think one of her kids has mentioned to her about your DD getting a bike and why didn’t they, and instead of explaining to them that she asked Grandma not to give them presents but money/experiences she has chosen to pass the buck.

SeaViewBliss · 31/01/2020 16:54

Is there any reason she’s kicked off now, over a month later?

She’s totally unreasonable in any case.

timetest · 31/01/2020 16:54

Your poor mum.

Beautiful3 · 31/01/2020 16:56

Your sister's being a dick.

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 16:59

@Redcrayons @Wonkybanana maybe. Although they’re 9 and almost 7 so I would have thought old enough to understand they’d been given money for days out etc but DD is only 3 so I might be clueless with my expectations on that!

OP posts:
redexpat · 31/01/2020 17:01

434 votes - 100% yanbu. I dont think Ive ever seen such a clean sweep!

LoonyLunaLoo · 31/01/2020 17:02

Your sister is insane!

rosieposie13 · 31/01/2020 17:04

Thank you everyone! It’s always nice to have it confirmed you’re not the batshit one in a situation!!

OP posts:
PanicAndRun · 31/01/2020 17:05

She's not just a dick, she's an entitled,spoilt dick.

beachysandy81 · 31/01/2020 17:06

Your sister is being unreasonable.

I am wondering if her kids found out about the bike and now she can't pocket the cash??

The whole thing seems odd and your parents seem very generous. Mine give similar amounts to be honest but there are no other grandchildren to compare with so there is never an issue!!

Davespecifico · 31/01/2020 17:08

Even before she kicked off with you, she was being controlling. It was good of your mum to go along with it because I bet she’d have so loved to have bought the children presents.