MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

I’m with followingonfromthat. Why is your future MIL involved in the wedding arrangements? When DH and I got married the in laws just turned up on the day at the allotted time.

I love fruit cake and much prefer it to the gooey light sponges you often get. Worst was being served carrot cake at a wedding, total let down. But it’s your wedding, your choice. I’d probably go with the Marks and Spencer cake bar served on the side for those that want it and not displayed.

She sounds like a pest!
Stop telling her your plans. Just avoid her she'll get the message.
If you let her bring her own it'll make her look odd which could be gratifying.
Or some good suggestions from pps on here are the cake bar which could be discreetly cut up and allocated or different flavoured tiers which is what we did. (Although it all disappeared before I got any!)

@Babdoc I do agree with what you're saying. DP was very much a 'mummy's boy' at one stage but I did make it clear early on that I was in a relationship/marrying him not his mother and things have improved dramatically I have to say. My feeling is as others have said - is this the hill I want to die on? Or can I make the point elsewhere/in other ways...

TBH, I'd let her have a small fruitcake to be offered cut up to guests. Not displayed in any way. There are bound to be other, bigger hills to die on!

As long as the fruit cake doesn’t go on the wedding table

Nip this in the bud now.

If you say "As a compromise, how about we have a small fruitcake cut up and offered to guests along with the wedding cake?" It will make you look reasonable yet you still get the wedding cake you want.

@Geralt love the idea of Granny Fruitcake, this might have to become a thing

It's not about making the cake your hill.

It's about looking at the situation and wondering how bad you what to allow this to get.

Do you have childrenV

I'm older and have adult DD. I've come across a few cases recently where brides are pressurised into having fruit cake for weddings and christenings.

WHY, FFS?

It's your wedding and your guests. If you went to her house for dinner you wouldn't expect to dictate the menu. The last wedding I attended was for a 55 year old, and she had a three tier chocolate cake. Even the royal family go in for elderflower and lemon these days!

My BIL had donuts for his wedding, MIL insisted on bringing cupcakes because you HAVE to have cake at a wedding apparently. She was the only one who ate the cake.

I’d let it go - she’ll make herself look slightly batty. In fact - Id slow her to show who she is to as many people as possible; that way in the future when/if she gets REALLY into interfering batshittery (are you planning on having children?) people will have had a taste of the previous behaviour and will be more likely to not fall for any possible histrionics

What is it with old people and fruit cake? I realise your MIL is trying to cater to what she thinks her elderly friends want, but would they really not just eat a piece of sponge cake? Frankly I’d just say no.

Wow, she's pushy and demanding, isn't she? Don't give in now or you're in for a lifetime of interference! Presuming the wedding is some way off she'll have time to adjust. Either get your own M&S iced fruit cake as a side option but make your wedding cake the star of the show or tell her a flat no and your DH to be should back you up. On no account let her bring her own food choices to the wedding. It's your day!

BTW, where's your DM in all this?

I make a lot of wedding cakes!
Cureent favorites appear to be a cupcake tower with assorted flavour (some vegan and gluten free) cupcakes, the stand on which they are displayed has a flat small circular top on which a small rich fruit is stood (usually decorated with the couples initials)
All tastes requirements catered fot, and if guests can manage to eat cake they can take one away with them.

I’m torn. Letting it go will not mean you can’t have your cake and you can tell your venue not to actually display the fruit cake, just serve a piece to mil and any of her friends she wants to have it, however on principle I’d be saying no - where does it stop otherwise.

Could you firmly but politely say “thank you for the suggestion however we have chosen this cake, and this is what will be served on the day.”

If it makes you feel better, my Nan openly complained about the time of our ceremony because it’s “when I Usually have my lunch”!

Your DH needs to learn NO to his DM. I’m sure her and granny can survive one wedding without a slice of bloody fruitcake!
I had one layer of sponge, one chocolate and very small top one of fruit 😉

What is it with old people and fruit cake?

How do you know the age of the MIL?

I love fruit cake, I'd be quite disappointed to be served sponge cake at a wedding.
Personally I'd allow her to bring a small fruit cake, though not to be displayed as the wedding cake of course. There's no reason why it can't be cut in the kitchen and offered to guests later on in the evening after you've done the cake cutting thing.

For me, it’s not about the traditional-ness of fruit cake. These days, the Bride and Groom get to plan their wedding and in most cases, the Bride does the lion’s share of that planning. What any person other than the bride and groom prefers, isn’t really important here. When it’s someone else’s wedding, you don’t get to choose. MIL should not be bringing her own cake any more than Dave from work should bring a pot noodle because he doesn’t fancy the chicken!

What is it with old people and fruit cake?

ODFO

How do you know she's old and her friends are elderly?

I am old-ish and I love fruit cake. However, it's nothing to do with my age! It's also not my wedding.

Have what you want OP, and put your foot down or it'll never stop.

Just because MIL & a couple of GPs like fruitcake-does that therefore mean that they don't like spongecake?

I like both & cheese, so am obviously the ideal wedding guest

I was tempted to say let her buy a small cake as an alternative, but unless you know for sure that some would dislike the sponge I'm thinking that no, just go with what you want-there's no need for an alternative.

Spongecake as wedding cake has been a thing for years now, hasn't it-is she worried that it's too "out there"??

With the nice grandmother in a previous post, there was a lovely compromise. In this case, I'd say no, you are going to need firm boundaries with this MIL and you and you 'husband' should practice now.