MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

I think it would be a good idea that both you and your DH both go to M&S and get a fruit cake

Why should OP do that when she said she didn't want one in the first place - complete fuckwittery.

Pff let her do it - she'll be a laughing stock.

I would look him in the eye and tell him if he doesn't challenge this and tell her not to come to your wedding with that fecking cake then there won't be a wedding.

If she is this insufferable now it will only ever get worse.

No! The wedding cake is the wedding cake. It would be really rude of your MIL to do that.

Your wedding, your choice of cake. My sis got married recently and had a 'cheese cake' (tiers of cheese - it's a thing, apparently). If you give in now, you'll be looking forward to a life of appeasement.

If she'd asked if you would mind her doing this then it would be kind to agree. For her to say she's doing it is just not on. You really need to nip this in the bud.

I'd have a bit of the fruitcake. Can't stand any other type of cake.

So on the off chance that I'm invited I'll say YABU. Let her bring the cake

Talk about pick your battles...it’s just a cake...why would anyone want to have a battle over an extra bar of fruitcake. Why do,people look for trouble, do they actually enjoy family tensions? Life’s too short.

As long as she doesn't expect the disgusting, dried up fruit cake to share the table with your lovely wedding cake!

If she's that desperate for fruit cake then I'd let it go. It's probably a generational thing.

Oh boy! She would be stunningly rude to step on toes and buy a supermarket one-what if it overshadows your own? Tell DP he needs to tell her no and that she is not to be told any more bloody details! Stop sharing then she can't try to override you. Has she no daughters? It is your wedding, not hers. She needs to butt out.

It's tricky to have a small fruitcake as part of a tower because it's usually too heavy for sponge to support.

I'd have the cake you want, but have a cutting bar of fruit cake — lots of people do like it (especially older relatives) and it's an easy thing to do. There's no point in upsetting people and risking having your day spoilt when it's a very small thing to do. I agree with others about only serving it cut up.

Why are you telling MIL every detail?

At our wedding every decision was made by us and family and friends found out on the day.

If I'd have given my DM every detail she'd have had some comment along the way.
Say nothing, it's a done deal then.

I'd let it go (I have the sort of MIL who would cause SUCH a fuss at being 'prevented' that it would escalate and I cba with drama) but it's poor form of her as others have said. I think she will look a little ridiculous - anybody who actually notices the shop-bought fruitcake (and I suspect most people WON't notice) will just think she's been a bit silly.

I love fruitcake btw and am always delighted to have it at a wedding! But I'd still think your own cake was 'the' cake and slightly judge a MIL who added a shop-bought one off her own bat.

Depends really if you can let it go without seething (and eating away at your enjoyment of the whole run-up). Or if you can hold your line without MIL flouncing to an extent that gets out of control. Only you know yourself and your MIL.

Good luck!

The M&S iced cake bar is a brilliant idea. Kill her with kindness. Thank her for pointing out that some people would prefer a traditional choice so you will be providing one of them too. Then ask the caterers to lay this out, pre-sliced beside the proper cakes. Hopefully she will be pleased and flattered that you took her advice.

And who knows? Perhaps she is right and there will be some guests who would prefer this? For the sake of a few quid in M&S it’s worth giving way on this one.

Does everyone like choux buns ?...if so have one of those towers

My Nan insisted on a fruit cake..

She was buying so we didn’t argue. However, we compromised and had a sponge cake too

Perfect

Whenever you see her or speak to her from now on, start with “Hello Fruitcake”. Also on cards, invitations, everything e.g. “Happy Birthday Fruitcake”. Basically that’s her name from now on.

After a few weeks of this, tell her that when you have kids, the grandkids are going to be brought up to call her Fruitcake rather than Granma, Granny or Gran. If she objects, say, “Oh well, if you insist, ‘Granny Fruitcake’ it is then”.

I speak from bitter experience, politely decline now. It’s YOUR wedding and YOUR cake.

My MIL (without consulting us) instructed our caterer not to serve the top tier of our cake as it was for the christening. In fact it wasn’t fruit cake, it was a chocolate sponge I had chosen and had been looking forward to for months (wedding diet was finally over).

When she realised it wouldn’t keep, she then slipped it into her bag and took it home and ate it.

I still resent it 8 years later.

I think she might be doing you a favour. Can you imagine at the wedding people’s confusion about there being two cakes? “Yes that’s wrackspurt’s m’n’law’s cake - she wasn’t happy the wedding cake wasn’t fruit cake.” Whatever problems you have in the future with m’n’law (and I am sorry it seems like there will be some!) EVERYONE will know you have a tricky m’n’law and you will have oodles of sympathy.

Nip it in the bud now or you will end up like me....10 years down the line and every family function is ruined by my dragon of a MIL because my husband can't grow a pair and tell her to butt out!

#notbitter

This is the start OP... give in now and you’ll live your life seething as your husband panders to his mother. Say no.

I made our cake, chocolate sponge, it was bloody lovely. I happen to like fruitcake and make one for Christmas but DH isn’t a fan and no one who came even asked what we were having never mind tried to dictate it. Incredibly rude.

“I'd have the cake you want, but have a cutting bar of fruit cake — lots of people do like it (especially older relatives) and it's an easy thing to do. There's no point in upsetting people and risking having your day spoilt when it's a very small thing to do. I agree with others about only serving it cut up.”

^I’d do this.

A lot of PPs are saying it’s just a cake, not worth a fight, etc.
But I think it’s an awful lot more than “just a cake” - it’s symbolic of your whole future relationship with both MIL and your DH.
If you allow this woman to ride roughshod over all your plans and wishes, and even worse, if DH supports her over you, or is too weak to stand up to her - then you need to seriously consider what kind of marriage you are signing up to.
You have very little time left in which to draw a line in the sand. If you don’t slap this behaviour down firmly, once and for all, then the pattern will be set. And you’d better resign yourself to MIL choosing your clothes, decor, holidays, children’s names...

Does she still resent you @Lostkeyagain ?
Cheeky !

Just have the fruit cake behind the scenes and added to the plate of cake when it circulates. People do expect these days for their every whim to be catered for so its easy enough to just have a slab behind the scenes and add a few to each plate

It's so rude to bring your own food to someone's wedding. It doesn't matter whether it's cake or a replacement main course. You eat what you are given or you politely decline if you don't like it. No one ever died of starvation from not having a piece of cake. If she doesn't like the cake on offer, she can have a banana. Or whatever.