MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

You need to keep the fruitcake out of this!

This made me laugh. Maybe you could have fun thinking of things to say to MIL that imply a double meaning of fruitcake, without her realising ...

In seriousness though, it's a tricky one, because on the one hand it would be easy/nice to just let this one go and let her have her fruitcake ... but on the other hand, judging by the number of threads on her about interfering MILs with no boundaries, you do need to know that your DH will stand up to her and say no when it's actually important.

I like fruit cake. I made a bloody lush Christmas cake. I like sponge cake too but I think celebration sponge cakes can often be a bit sickly with all that buttercream.

OP your wedding your cake.

I should add that I had fruitcake at my first wedding, DM paid for it. I'm getting married again and I'm paying for my own normal sponge cake.

I absolutely love fruit cake, but for me it's a Xmas cake. For a wedding I would serve sponge, as I did at mine.

Can the fruitcake just not go with the buffet/evening food? As long as it’s kept well away from the wedding cake I don’t see the problem

Is she paying for the wedding?

Get DP told before he becomes DH.

Ask him who he is marrying, you it his mother!

This isn’t just about a fruitcake!! It’s about him prioritising what she wants over what you want and ‘not wanting to upset her’. It’ll get much worse if you don’t sort that out now.

Get him to tell her that you two have discussed it and the only WEDDING CAKE at YOUR WEDDING will be the one the two of you have chosen. End of

Am I the only one with family who would eat both cakes

I'd give her a bit of time to come round to the idea, I might be a similar age to your MIL and wedding cakes were always heavy fruitcake types to support the weight of the icing! One of my siblings had one layer of none-fruitcake cake because she doesn't like it either.

What type of cake are you thinking about at the moment? If the venue are willing to cut and serve the (fruit) cake you could have it on a plate when the coffee comes out or something. But definitely not next to the wedding cake, because it's not the wedding cake!

If it bothers you, talk to your DP and tell him that on this issue, he can’t keep both his mum and his future wife happy, and ask him to pick one. That’ll tell you what you need to know about how every situation like this is going to go in future.

Or, you know, pick a different hill to die on.

You could tell MIL not to worry because you’ve decided to ask the caterers to provide a small fruitcake (and then forget to do so).

Just do your own thing and if she turns up with her cake ignore it. Cut your cake and refuse to cut her random cake.

Are you sure you want to marry into this family? Because I’d be reconsidering right now. Think about what they’ll be like if you have kids.

I had 3 layers; bottom was Victoria sponge, middle chocolate fudge, top lemon sponge.
Was amazing. No fruit cake in sight.
My mum (who was paying for most of the wedding) suggested fruit cake but I said the majority of my guests wouldn't like it. She accepted that and didn't mention it again.

I think it would be a good idea that both you and your DH both go to M&S and get a fruit cake (for about £30 or so) and it can be kept in the kitchen of the venue and just cut and brought out. You can then have your proper wedding cake and flavours just as you want them.

Not adding anything helpful, just saying after reading this thread I now want a big slice of cake.

I had to put my foot down on a couple of wedding things when we got married , entertainment and clothing choices , if she gets her way with this she will try it on for the rest of your marriage

Doesn't sound that terrible tbh. This isn't the hill I would choose to die on, and it sounds like there are going to be plenty of them in the near future!

Let her have the cake!

I’m also in the throes of wedding planning and would definitely allow it. Also going to buy in dinner for individuals who aren’t catered for in the 3 choice meal plan.

My goal is to make it as fun for everyone and stress free as possible for me and OH so I’d just keep her happy. Yes it is your (our) day but why upset your older guests when there is no need to?

DH and I hate fruit cake. Most of guests said the same.
We bought one from M&S, my mum put some fresh flowers on it and our initials. Job done. No drama.

I didn't know until planning my own wedding but apparently fruit cake is traditionally on top of the wedding cake and then wrapped up and saved for the christening cake.

Anyway, I didn't have one. It's your day! I'd probably relent for the peace though and just let her have a small fruitcake.

What type of food are you having? We had a buffet style and there was a deserts table so I would have just stuck it there.

I think it’s very rude and presumptuous of her to say she’s doing this, but it wouldn’t hurt for you to get a cutting bar of fruit cake for the older people who like the more traditional wedding cake, would it?

Speak to the kitchen at the venue and tell them that the cake stays in there and is only brought out cut in to pieces for guests to help themselves to. Make it clear to the kitchen that if she approached them and tells them it should be brought out whole for photographs etc that they do not do that.

As long as it's not put out and displayed as part of THE cake or expected to be cut, I'd just let some bits be brought out on plates at the end and people can take a piece of they want.

She’ll look an idiot, let her crack on. Tell her she’s in charge of it completely. She’ll need to make sure it’s put out at the right time and will be in charge of cutting it up and serving it. It won’t happen. Having said that, would there really be any harm in getting the caterers to cut it up so people have a choice?

Pick your battles!

Tell her that she doesn't need to get a fruitcake, as she is one you are already arranging one. Then get a very small fruitcake, have her name iced on the top and set it up on its own special table at the reception.

I actually wouldn’t let her do this. It sounds fairly harmless, but imagine on the day when she’s brandishing the fruitcake and demanding photos of you “cutting the cake” and so on....