MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

Bet you don't have turkey at Christmas or fireworks on Nov 5th.

I don't have turkey at Christmas or fireworks in November either.

It's HER wedding, so of COURSE it is about her. It is HER WEDDING.

narcissistic capitalism.

Jesus. Calm down dear. More issues than Time Magazine.

It is actually the Bride and Groom's wedding.

"Moving from being a mother to a mother in law sounds almost impossible and painful."
"Just respect that your children have grown up and make their own decisions"

But the MIL is the groom's mother and he is OK with her supplying a fruitcake. It's her future DIL that wants to lock horns over this.
@HeadachesByTheDozen, two people are getting married, one is OK with a small fruitcake for older relatives, who will be expecting it. The other isn't.

Nope, no turkey or fireworks here either; and I'm old; one of the old ones that likes fruit cake, as it happens.

I wouldn't however, be so stupid and rude as to take my own cake, or any other type of food, to my son's wedding.

Temp I don't think I actually said that.
Personally though, I would try and take into account my guest's preferences. It's part of being hospitable. In this case, it wouldn't even cost any extra, as the MIL has offered to pay for it herself.

”Not relevant to this, but I see those kind of cakes as meeting the tastes of an 8 year old. Overly sweet and not really tasting of anything except fat and sugar.“

You say that like it’s a bad thing, @karencantobe!

Putting aside the fact that it isn't her wedding so it isn't her cake to decide on, there's a big difference between liking fruitcake and only liking fruitcake. Is the woman alright that she thinks the only cake she or her crones could possibly eat is fruitcake? Perish the thought that a crumb of sponge cross their lips! Or does she think that a wedding is ruined if you don't eat cake while you're there? That's not sane. She needs to take a few deep breaths. I've heard of bridezillas but not MILillas.

one is OK with a small fruitcake for older relatives, who will be expecting it

Will they be expecting it? Really? Or will they be expecting it only if the MIL has told them about the lengths she went to ensure she got her cake? If they've been to any weddings in the last 30 years they'll be familiar with the concept of wedding cake that doesn't include fruit cake.

Family occasion corrupted by narcissistic capitalism.

Oh dear lord.

So serving the cake type of your choice, at your own wedding is narcissistic capitalism now.

Even by the standards of on here, that’s barshit.

Anyone else wondering if this thread has been hijacked by some big fruitcake manufacturer?

Or M&S

Do you have the same issues and instructions - that brides should insist on vetoeing cultural traditions - in other cultures weddings too.
Eg Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Judaism.

Your mil would have followed traditions in her wedding too. And be advised by both mothers and all grandmothers as to these traditions.

Bet you don't have turkey at Christmas or fireworks on Nov 5th.

And so what if she doesn’t. It’s not the law.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Do you have the same issues and instructions - that brides should insist on vetoeing cultural traditions

Fruit cake is a cultural tradition?

I am baffled at the posters on here who see fruitcake is as integral to UK wedding ceremonies as the vows and the ring.

Where the hell did that come from?

Haven't read the replies but if she wants to buy a fruit cake for her and anyone else who wants it let her get on with it. You're not paying for it so what's it matter? Yourself and the rest of your guests can get stuck in the the lovely sponge cake.

There are bigger battles ahead for you to pick. Good luck she sounds a pain in the arse!

@Dragonembroidery It sounds an ordinary wedding to me, nothing cultural about it. Traditional is not always best. This is 2020.

Move with the times!

Most cultural traditions have a meaning behind them.

Can someone please explain to me the cultural meaning behind eating a bit of fruit cake with a big wodge of sickly marzipan and hard white icing on top?

I'd love to know.

I think it's more traditional than cultural.

Fruit cake was a trend, but there are some reasons for it. For over 300 years young unmarried women had been advised to sleep with a piece of wedding cake under her pillow and she would dream of her future husband. This is less practical with a sponge cake. Also traditionally charms used to be baked into the wedding cake, they each had their own meaning, and this is more practical with a fruit cake. The third reason is that traditionally newly married women got pregnant quickly. And the top tier of the cake would be kept and used as a christening cake for the first born. Fruit cakes can keep easily for a few years, you cannot do that with a sponge cake.

And my mum would have been upset if we had not followed some traditions from my country at our wedding.

Its your wedding, you should have what you want but please be aware of the limitations of sponge and understand why fruit is traditional:

The problem with sponge cakes is that they have to be made very close to the wedding day otherwise they will be stale. There is therefore less time to spend on intricate icing patterns. Modern cakes are usually less elaborate for that reason. Also, traditional wedding cakes are tiered but sponge cakes are liable to collapse under the weight of the tiers so on a warm day they are not very stable! The quicker methods of icing also mean that icing is liable to melt at room temperature - I have seen a few do this. Please check that your wedding cake maker can address these issues before you place your order!

PS. Fruit cakes, particularly wedding cakes, should never be dry and taste of sawdust as some have suggested, they should be fully loaded with alcohol!

@karencantobe

They are horrible and to the taste of an 8 year old! Hence why it’s a guilty pleasure - definitely NOT what I had for my wedding cakes, those were from Laduree!

I have never had a cake at either of my weddings.
If I did it would have been porkpie and cheese, with no concessions made to vegans/veggies/ folk who wanted fruitcake.