MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

Pointed out all the ‘stools’ 😂😂😂😂 that’s my favourite line ever

Let it go. Life is short. Who actually gives a s*¥$

I imagine the OP has an accent where stalls and stools sound the same to her, so she spells them the same. Reminds me of the thread years ago where someone said she was going to make a complaint about a neighbour to the cancel.

This is kinda your husband's fault for agreeing to it. She asked if it was ok and he said yes. He could have said no. Its a bit OTT by her but is it really worth falling out with ur MIL about it. Choose your battles.

I can't tell you how many weddings I stubbed my fags out on bits of sponge people didn't eat, but fruit cake eaters eat their cake.

Sorry, what? You stubbed out your fags on people's leftover cake?

@lostkeyagain your mil is fucking rude! Not sure I'd be forgiving either if ANYBODY nicked a whole tier of wedding cake, but for mil to do that is just 😱!

OP, in your shoes I would be very clear to outlaw that your wedding is your YOUR wedding, not hers. There are NO decisions for her to make at YOUR wedding, especially not which cake you choose!
If she likes fruit cake that much she can eat it to her hearts content at home......
I would tell your DP to back you up. He's marrying YOU, time to cut the apron strings!!
Goodluck 💐

I like fruit cake but moist ones! If she is going to do this suggest she buy a m&s one as they are the only shop bought which are moist. To be honest if you go with this option you will be keeping some of the grandparents happy. My dear father in his 90's could not understand the non traditional foods and drinks served at his granddaughters wedding. I think it is about keeping the peace and compromising because we are all different and it's not worth the frosty atmosphere for years afterwards.

p.s. someone just mentioned M&S do a bar style wedding cake for easy slicing that could be a really clever option satisfying everyone. Tour own cake obviously would take centre stage but that why you please the traditional wedding guest and you can have your cake and eat it! (Learning to compromise is a style which comes in useful later on in life).

Sorry typing error I meant your chosen cake take centre stage on the table and compromise is a useful skill in life.
Even though some M-I-L can be overbearing as you say she has her heart in the right place.
Hope you have a wonderful day.

Let her buy the fruitcake and then get a little name card for MIL (use the one from the table if you're having a formal meal set up beforehand) and pop it right on the top so everyone knows she's being an overbearing asshat that should sufficiently sour relations throughout your marriage and then you can swiftly go NC. You're welcome

Tricky one. I would be happy to get a small fruit cake, but she needs to know she can’t keep interfering, otherwise you’ll have a nightmare grandmother on your hands.

I had two wedding cakes.

I hate fruitcake so had a chocolate cake (H was happy with this choice).

I had a close relative who really likes fruitcake, was heavily involved in the wedding party, and asked if he could supply a fruitcake.

I had no problem with this at all - it’s just cake.

I think exH and I may actually have cut the fruitcake for photos etc, as was an easier cake to cut, but I can’t be sure. Can’t actually remember, because again, it’s just cake.

Both cakes were eaten on the night - can’t remember who had what (and don’t care). Top tier of fruitcake was indeed kept for christening of first child (when I again had a second cake because I don’t like fruitcake).

All well, and surely the more cake the merrier?

I can't tell you how many weddings I stubbed my fags out on bits of sponge people didn't eat, but fruit cake eaters eat their cake

Classy

Hi @WrackspurtsAndNargles62442

Your MIL does sound interfering by insisting she go out and buy fruitcake and I definitely wouldn’t let her do this. However, we had a similar discussion with my MIL & mum before our wedding. Basically, we talked it over and agreed that there would be old aunties and grannies at our wedding who’d Iove the traditional fruitcake.

Here’s what we did: we had our 3 tier chocolate, salted caramel & jam sponge cake made as normal. Then, we asked our cake maker to make a very small fruitcake (extra £20), hidden away until it came to serving up the cake, when it was cut up & served with the rest.

Apparently, lots of couples now do this to maintain that traditional element but also cater to their own tastes. For the sake of £20, it was worth the compromise and kept the grannies happy too!

She sounds a pain but maybe pick your battles? If you’re having a buffet then it won’t matter if there’s another cake/dessert choice on the table - so long as it’s subtle and trying to compete with the wedding cake. If it’s a sit down served meal then of course she can’t do that.
It’s probably just a generational thing - fruit cake is traditional and she’s not come across other options before at a wedding.
My mil was a nightmare when she knew I wasn’t taking my husbands surname - she still sends cards to mr and Mrs X.
Ignore we’dhat you can and be firm with what you can’t.
Hope you have a great day.

Didn't want to say for fear of being ageist but in my family it tends to be the older generation that prefers and enjoys the traditional things best, that said I'm pretty old and I like all cakes so would be happy as anything with small slices of different cakes!

I couldn't get worked up about this. It's a small cake. Does she have a daughter op? She just wants to be involved. If she doesn't have a daughter then she probably sees this as her only chance at having a daughters wedding day to help with.

You don't need tob'put your foot down' as an other pp said. There are worst things a MIL could do. Or anyone for that matter.

I can't tell you how many weddings I stubbed my fags out on bits of sponge people didn't eat, but fruit cake eaters eat their cake

Classy

It’s also bollocks. I’ve seen tonnes of left over fruitcake in my time.

I happen to love fruitcake, but many people don’t (plenty of them on this thread).

I would have hazarded a guess that sponge cake is more universally appreciated than fruitcake, but I wouldn’t have been factoring in the strength of feeling that fruitcake lovers bring to the table (also demonstrated by this thread).

If she doesn't have a daughter then she probably sees this as her only chance at having a daughters wedding day to help with.

I would guess this is indeed the root of the problem. However mothers of daughters have usually been told to keep their opinions to themselves long before the daughters reach their teens. Mothers who don't have daughters are less likely to know where the line is.

I went to a wedding recently with a fair few older relatives. The fruit cake was eaten up first. But it was not dry. Good fruit cake should be very moist. Much moister than a traditional sponge.

I had one layer of my cake as fruit cake the rest was what I wanted it to be.

If you don't want her input, don't engage with her over anything wedding and have whatever the bloody hell you want. Supermarket fruit cake is usually NOT good.

A lot of older people do like fruit cake

So? I like a lot of things. I don’t expect them all to be at a wedding. I eat the food the bride and groom choose.

If people like fruit cake they can have it at their own wedding. Or ya know, literally any other day.

From way back upthread "Specify in centimetres and she'll be bewildered altogether"
Regardless of cake-gate, this is a breathtaking example of underestimating the abilities of anyone of an older generation. Now in my sixties, I see this all the time. Engineers can be mothers in law too......

I’m torn in this one OP... my MIL2B was a royal pain. Heart of gold just generally interfering. I didn’t put my foot down from the start and I should have. One of the reasons I'm now divorced from her precious DS2. About to head down the aisle again and am delighted DPs parents don’t give a rats arse. We haven’t seen them in 5 years and they have no interest in us. My parents are sadly no longer here, so this wedding has been a breeze to arrange. Only you can decide whether to nip this in the bud now, but beware mummy’s Boys.....