Mother using reins AIBU

[crispysausagerolls]

To preface this - I have no issue with reins! I am not sure I see the point of them; but that is probably because DS doesn’t need them. I’m sure they are one of those things that are a blessing if you have a runner!

DS is 18 months old and we live in a village. He’s as good as gold with holding my hand when he is walking. He is also at the perfect height now that means this does not require any bending or contortion. My mother has him for one afternoon a week (I’m a SAHM - this is just for a break for me but also because she adores him and loves having him. I know on MN this is seen as “childcare“ Aka put up and shut up, but honestly I could afford a nanny for this afternoon, my mother would just be heartbroken. And I think it’s lovely that they spend time together/are so close). Sorry for rambling, just want to give the context.

Anyway she casually mentioned this week that she uses reins when she has him. I really don’t like this - mostly because he doesn’t need them and I think it’s confusing/don’t want him to lose his good habits re hand holding! And he’s looking for the reins when he wants to go out apparently which also does feel a little like my spaniel searching for his lead 🙈 But she’s very sensitive so don’t want to upset her. I wanted to check with everyone on here before I raise it as I am sure it’s possible I am being very unreasonable and should just leave it.

Honestly if IAMBU that’s fine! I really do not know!

I would rather someone use reins and not need them, than not use them and need them.
This was brought home to me a while ago by someone I know 'losing' their two year old whilst taking their older child to school. She'd dropped the older child at the classroom door and stopped for a brief moment to speak to another mother. When she turned around the youngest had disappared. He was found five minutes later across the road, picking leaves off a bush in someone's garden (having wandered off across the playground and a zebra crossing with a group of other mums who hadn't noticed him).
Another friend also had an issue with child with grandparent - their daughter is fine with her, but thinks it is funny to run away from 'Nanny' and stepped into the road. Thankfully the approaching driver had a clear view and great brakes.

My parents used reins with dnephew who they have a lot, for all of the good reasons outlined.

OP - he's 18 months and it appears your first child? Your mum actually has a lot more awareness of the variability of children and safety issues than you do because she's been right through the parenting journey. I know we hate to admit our parents might know more but sometimes they have the edge, especially when our first child is still v young.

I would also recommend some serious car park safety training. We trained ours to 'stand by your wheel' so that they were got out of the car seat and stood by the rear wheel in that side until told to move. When getting three kids out of a car somebody has to be trusted to stand still (not at 18 months) and having a drill really helps. Any running or non compliance in car parks needs to be very heavily stamped in for obvious safety reasons.

Comments about lax mothers allowing their DC to run ahead of them on pavements bother me. Imo if you are driving in a residential area or past a school you should be able to stop in time to avoid a wayward infant.

I was unfortunate enough to witness a 4 year old knocked down and killed, he ran out from between two parked cars straight into the front wing of a passing car, it is an image that still lives with me some 40 years on. It was stated in court that there was nothing the driver could've done to avoid the accident.

I wouldn't want to rely on a total stranger's driving skills to protect my toddler. There are some really shot drivers out there!