To expect husband to keep helping with housework until its all done in the evening and we can sit down to relax together?

[disneybee]

My husband works pretty much full time hours (but across several jobs, so not much routine at all) while I look after our two young kids at home and do most of the work for the small business we run from home. I also used to freelance from home, but stopped because childcare was costing so much. I now predominantly look after the kids, and do all the food shopping, cooking and laundry.

DH comes home from work just after the kids' teatime most days. Usually showers, eats the dinner (that I cook every day) and then helps with cleaning up, dishes, getting the kids to bed, tidying up. But there's always a point like around 8:30pm / 9pm when he announces he's "had a good blast, going to put my feet up now." and he'll put the telly on. Meanwhile I am usually still finishing stuff off, hanging up a new load of laundry, and folding / putting away the laundry that's been drying all day. I really resent this last hour or so of work when he seems to think it's fine that I am still doing housework whereas he is relaxing. Any time I bring up my resentment of this - my core deep down resentment is that he puts his own needs first, and doesn't act particularly caring or protectively of me - it turns into a massive argument about how he works all day while I get to stay at home with the kids. AIBU to be pissed off at him?? Every time the housework is finally done and I can sit down to relax and its 10pm and I have to choose between some down time, or going to bed to get enough sleep before doing it all over again? Nb our youngest is not a great sleeper so I don't often get a full night's sleep either 😑

Gosh, I'd have to leave you if you made me do housework until 10pm at night!

You don't need to constantly entertain the children, they will be fine doing things for an hour here and there throughout the day. YABVU!

You need to outsource the home laundry too, find a laundrette that does service washes? Buy new dryer that works
And definite don’t expect housework to take all Evening , personally I’d be done after kids in bed and dinner cleaned away, you need adult relaxation with OH

I used to take mine out every day rain or shine they are like dogs that need walking ! Maybe mine weren’t so needy certainly not hanging on to my legs etc I would have put a stop to that.
TV was very limited so when they watched it they were engrossed and that was time to get things done
Sorry but I do think if your DH works FT then downing tools at 8.30 is ok

Another idea for a new AIBU thread:

"I've seen a thread on AIBU about someone who is struggling. I won't bother reading the whole thread to find out more about the situation, see how a handful of supportive MNers posted encouragement and tips, and the updates the OP put about how she tried out the advice and got herself into a better place emotionally and practically. I'll just ignore all these previous posts and write my own little snipey comment because I really feel like chiming in and telling her how shit she is, and pointing out I would NEVER be so disorganised that I end up doing housework at 10pm. AIBU?"

🤨

I've got a lot of help from this thread (and I'm even going to try out the online food shop too) and the two messages that are sticking in my mind the most are "be kind to yourself" and "work smarter, not harder." I've had our tumble drier fixed (there was a blockage in the vent pipe, causing the overheating) which I probably wouldn't have gotten around to if it wasn't for the outpouring of tumble drier advocation on this thread!

I'm going to clock off from this thread now, because spending time reading unhelpful negative comments from people who have not followed the full thread is not time well spent.

One final thank you to the people that helped me 😘

And I hope any other SAHPs who find themselves in a similar disorganised, unfocused and exhausted mess might find this thread helpful too. (Just ignore the annoying people who are boasting about how efficient and awesome they are...! 🙄) xx

PS forgot to mention - thanks to this thread, I have achieved in the past few days:

• Got 4yo helping with folding & putting away laundry, was painful at first but now its a bit of a revelation

• Got my 2yo putting away toys on demand - result!!

• Cleared a space on top of a chest of drawers in the hallway between kitchen and living room where I can put my laptop (out of eyeline from the kids) so now I can very easily sort business emails during the day without the kids noticing. Game changer!!

x

Well done OP

You have done well!!

Stick a few nice treats up there by the laptop

For you OP

@disneybee Brilliant!
"I've seen a thread on AIBU about someone who is struggling. I won't bother reading the whole thread to find out more about the situation, see how a handful of supportive MNers posted encouragement and tips, and the updates the OP put about how she tried out the advice and got herself into a better place emotionally and practically. I'll just ignore all these previous posts and write my own little snipey comment because I really feel like chiming in and telling her how shit she is, and pointing out I would NEVER be so disorganised that I end up doing housework at 10pm. AIBU?"

@bobstersmum

So at the weekend, you cook, clean and look after your DC. What does your husband do?

And in this house, if one cooks, the other clears up!

See, OP, no thread goes the way you originally think but that doesn't mean you can't benefit from it. As you clearly have.

I wash school uniform stuff at end of the week not every day

I don't have a set of uniform per day.

OP you posted in AIBU and you got appropriate responses!! This is how AIBU works 🤪🤣

No need to make snipey comments yourself about how people responded. Should have posted in Housekeeping.

@nanny if its his day off he rests. Goes out on his bike, has a lie down, whatever he feels like, because its his day off and he works and I don't! Yes I know that's fucked up, starting to realise all this.