To expect husband to keep helping with housework until its all done in the evening and we can sit down to relax together?

[disneybee]

My husband works pretty much full time hours (but across several jobs, so not much routine at all) while I look after our two young kids at home and do most of the work for the small business we run from home. I also used to freelance from home, but stopped because childcare was costing so much. I now predominantly look after the kids, and do all the food shopping, cooking and laundry.

DH comes home from work just after the kids' teatime most days. Usually showers, eats the dinner (that I cook every day) and then helps with cleaning up, dishes, getting the kids to bed, tidying up. But there's always a point like around 8:30pm / 9pm when he announces he's "had a good blast, going to put my feet up now." and he'll put the telly on. Meanwhile I am usually still finishing stuff off, hanging up a new load of laundry, and folding / putting away the laundry that's been drying all day. I really resent this last hour or so of work when he seems to think it's fine that I am still doing housework whereas he is relaxing. Any time I bring up my resentment of this - my core deep down resentment is that he puts his own needs first, and doesn't act particularly caring or protectively of me - it turns into a massive argument about how he works all day while I get to stay at home with the kids. AIBU to be pissed off at him?? Every time the housework is finally done and I can sit down to relax and its 10pm and I have to choose between some down time, or going to bed to get enough sleep before doing it all over again? Nb our youngest is not a great sleeper so I don't often get a full night's sleep either 😑

Serves him right for implying he has it hard being at work while you have ‘fun’ with two young kids.

I would laugh for a long time .

@DesLynamsMoustasche hmmmm. Looking back I did it all pre dc as well. Suppose I have made a rod for my own back, but his view is he works to provide for us all so the rest of it is up to me.

Definitely okay to have a giggle about that and a sip of tea

Disorganised luckily he has 3 kits and they play on 3 g at the mo so no mud! He wears one kit every 2 days. He won't melt.

Oh that’s good then!

What a bonus, housework done in the afternoon and at the same time your DH has a needed reminder that it's not all fun and games!

That's awesome you have found a way to give yourself a break at night and your dh having a bit of experience of what it's like out and about with the kids on his own

Thought I'd share a link to another mumsnet thread you might like or find helpful. You might have already been on it, I don't know. It's gotten up to 16 pages now. But I found it helpful and fun to read.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3803520-To-ask-for-your-ultimate-life-hacks-time-saving-ideas-easiest-recipes-money-saving-tips-all-in-one-go

Just reverse it. If you were out all day at work and your husband was a stay at home dad, would you want to join him in housework till 10pm?

Lower your standards
Stop with all the laundry

@crestedrobin if I was out at work all day and DH was a SAHP, I would come home to the kids running riot and DH whimpering and rocking in the middle of the living room floor 😂

So yeah I probably would be doing housework til 10pm!

So pleased to hear your updates OP. I know myself I easily get into a mindset where I think I can’t do something because of the kids and then just write off every being able to do that things with them around. Eg I always used to avoid using the laptop around them because they were obsessed with being able to touch the keys so I never did online shopping. But recently I’ve discovered they seem to have grown out of that phase and now I can do online shopping in the day when they’re around - life changer!

I guess what I’m saying is don’t be afraid of trying something you previously thought impossible when they’re around, eg hanging washing out. It might be a bit of a nightmare the first few times but also you might find a way to do it with them around. Good luck!

I want to know what you text him back...

Also I do laundry every day too, I wish I didn’t have to but we just seem to get through so many clothes/towels/bedding. I’m trying to be better at assessing whether the children’s clothes are actually dirty and not just automatically throwing them in the wash. But to be honest they usually are quite grubby

I could sit them in front of the telly while I do housework, but I don't think that's fair on them.

This is where you’re going wrong.... You’re not doing you or your kids a favour by being their constant source of entertainment. An hour in front of CBeebies whilst you do your stuff isn’t only ok, it’s healthy.

Agree, you have to laugh! 😉

I work around my dh's hours but he gets most of the bedtimes and I get most of the daytimes. I've almost stopped telling him any of the fun we have because of the number of times he accused me of having ALL of the good times and him only having the stress of getting a toddler in to bed - now I only tell him about the screaming about getting in the pushchair or car seat, pulling all of her warm clothes off before I've even finished putting them on, carrying her out of shops kicking and screaming because I wouldn't let her pull all the products down, etc, etc, etc!

I'll probably get told I complain too much next 🤣

Doing laundry every day seems a little excessive

What a great thread!

I can only echo that you're doing the right thing.

Housework in a limited fashion is actually good for kids, and in my own presumably insanely annoying and bratty way I insisted on joining in - but that WAS entertaining to me!

I would suggest that you reconsider the point about online shopping though. Until you've got a routine of it you can't imagine the time savings.

I spend five minutes browsing and adding items. Hand over to DH to add what he wants in another 5m.

It arrives. Whoever's in unpacks all the fridge items. The other person does the cupboard things when they get back.

A whopping, hour long shopping trip is reduced to nothing. Honestly nothing.

@Vulpine "Doing laundry every day seems a little excessive"

I have to do a load of laundry every day or I'd get too far behind! When I'm ditched it for a day on my birthday or Mother's Day I've just ended up spending a week trying to catch up

It depends how many kids you have but what does 'getting behind' actually mean? Do your family not have enough clean clothes?

Yes, laundry basket overflowing and not having clean clothes especially school uniforms and sports/clubs kits. And the knock on effect of not being able to wash bed sheets at the weekend because I still have an overflowing basket of clothes to get through!

Just a thought, but do all of these clothes really need washing? Do you use the shortest wash cycle (some of mine take hours!). It seems that so many of us are chained to the washing machine it doesn’t seem right does it.

My dd would put everything she has worn for a second in the laundry, so I go through all of it and just pick out what’s dirty and the put the rest away again.

I don't know why anybody would be chained to the washing machine. I turn mine on and ignore it!

We do more loads in winter as clothes are more bulky so we fill the machine more quickly.

What are you doing all day as a SAHP that requires working until 10 pm?

You are so U and your DH is totally right. To me the cut off point is 8 pm (earlier quite often), that's getting the kids in bed, tidying toys, loading the dishwasher. That's it. You could both be sitting down by 7.30 pm if you split just those jobs.

YABU unless you have 4 children under 4 🤣🤣🤣🤣