There’s a long backstory but basically my stepdad, who has been my stepdad since I was 6 (I’m now late 30’s) is not someone I like for various reasons - a main one being that he’s a serial cheater and my mum takes him back time and again.
About 20 years ago he had an affair - with his god daughter. His best friend’s daughter who he’d known since she was a baby. They grew up on the same street as us and he knew her all her childhood. He’s was 41, and she was 16. He claims he waited until she was 16 but they were caught 2 months after her 16th birthday and the pattern of his behaviour (sneaking out, late nights at ‘work’) lasted for about six months before that. It caused huge emotional distress to both families at the time, as you can imagine. I’ve kept him at arms length ever since
When my DD was born 7 years ago I decided that I couldn’t trust a person like this with her growing up. They live abroad now anyway so we’d hardly be seeing them. I made it clear to my mum that he would never meet her or any other children I had. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done hurting her, and she ended up in hospital as a result with a “heart episode” (that’s all she’ll tell me and has never elaborated). But i dug my heels in and stood firm. I didn’t advertise this decision to other family members and no one has ever questioned why he hasn’t met my children.
I recently told my brother about this. He thinks I’m being unfair, OTT and ridiculous, and using DD as a weapon because I don’t like my stepdad. I’ve never doubted my choice before now but his words have really stung and he’s now not talking to me - he knows about all the affairs but very much takes a “none of my business” approach and thinks our stepdad is amazing.
AIBU to completely withhold contact?