To be confused about what the bride wants?

[Despolime]

My friend lives abroad. Another friend and I are two of her bridesmaids. We are travelling to where she's getting married for the wedding in summer. We're staying in a room in the wedding venue Friday - Sunday, which is the time we're abroad. Another 8 guests plus the bride are staying overnight both days too.

Everything was sorted.

Then yesterday, the bride gets in touch to check friend & I definitely want to stay at the venue on the Friday. The wedding is on the Saturday. We said of course. She said that there is no bar or restaurant, only what we take. Fine, we said, we'll pick some things up to take with us. She kept asking if we were sure, and that it's no problem but there's not much about. We double checked again that she'd be there too, and she said yes. She said she was worried we'd be bored if we stayed there.

AIBU to be confused? We're only going to see her get married. Why would we want to stay elsewhere? Am I missing something?

could you not ask her mum what the plans are for dinner and breakfast? Say you don't want to bother the bride with such trivialities.

If they are not providing any food for you, when hosting, I am not sure i would want to attend. You are spending a ton of money and time attending and they won't even provide some breakfast for you? They have a month to sort this. You can't sort it when travelling from abroad.

When you google the hotel, can you find out what other guests do?! Surely there must be some kind of food/meals available. A hotel can't operate in the middle of no where and not offer breakfast and dinner, surely!? What about the owners? They'll be there? They have a kitchen? Couldn't the bride ask them to prep some food for the wedding party?

This is so strange...I so want to find out what is actually going on 😂

Could you hire a car? I would if possible and stop off on the way for a meal, buying some food etc.

Realistically, do you still want to go? She sounds hard work and unwilling to discuss with you and if you're all stuck together when she'd rather not have you there, it's going to create a horrible atmosphere during the wedding itself.

Call the hotel and find out what food facilities they have. If they have none ask for advice. Then you can spend the next month relaxing.

Could you hire a car? I would if possible and stop off on the way for a meal, buying some food etc.

This would be ideal but neither of us feel confident in driving abroad.

Anyway, I think I have discovered the issue. Apparently all other guests from abroad who she thought would want to stay at the venue are staying elsewhere, except her mother. I think she's been upset that others aren't staying there, and she doesn't really like her mother, and she's lashed out/worried we'd hate it with just those two. It makes a bit more sense now.

I think you are reading too much into it and she’s just a bit worried about it and trying to check you are okay with the arrangements.

I'm not surprised the other guests don't want to stay there. I certainly wouldn't want to stay in a place in the middle of nowhere, without access to food and drink.

Yeah, I would stay somewhere else too.

Take lots of wine.
Ask the taxi to take you to a supermarket.
Or grabby duty free.
To be honest I think the bride is nice for making sure you are prepared for no bar, and is trying to make sure you don't have to take a massive expensive taxi ride both ways to ensure you can eat and drink.

I think you should stay elsewhere and suggest the bride and her mother stay there with you the night before. You can all head over early after a night of actual food!

I think the bride is a bit weird,,rather than nice, as surely she could buy food/wine rather than announce there’s nothing!

I would never abandon my friend a bride the night before her wedding .
Nor do I find it odd , that a heads up was give about no food or drink.
As an adult it has been a long time since I couldn't feed myself if on holiday.

Apparently all other guests from abroad who she thought would want to stay at the venue are staying elsewhere, except her mother

I can't say I blame them; with no hosting being done they've probably seen the red light and are wary of what they're being roped into, preparation wise

I wonder if the B&G expect guests from abroad to supply gifts too ... ?

Most of us would not choose to stay somewhere with no food and drink options, and would only stay there as forced by the bride who told them to stay there.
A weekend of plastics sealed snacks you have to take from the uk. How fun!

Still doesn't answer the question why she isn't providing anything for you to eat despite there being no chance of getting anything locally.

Why is she surprised that the other guests think this is unacceptable and have voted with their feet. Can you find out where they are staying and join them?

what a weird situation!

seems the bride is some alternative hippie or a disorganised total dummy.

not providing food for your guests on Friday night is ridiculous, in the middle of nowhere!
she doesnt seems to have the priorities right: she is worrying you might be bored. How about worrying you might be hungry?

to be honest, I would expect her to organize some pick-up from the airport, I in her place would ask some of the family members with car to pick you up and not have you to take 3 train changes and 40 min taxi!
On the other hand, it sounds very unlikely you have to change trains 3x and get a taxi for 40 mins, I think it would be better if you research a bit more. Try to find Flixbus (very popular in Europe and cheap), dont bother with trains, bus is much better

Not providing tons of food and drinks for the wedding guests is quite unheard of in central Europe.... even for Germany....what nationality her husband is? maybe he is controlling her and resent you 2 coming? she seems useless

I would:

• excuse myself and not go
• search for more convenient transport to the place (3x change of trains IS bonkers)
• call the place (the barn) and ask how far away is the nearest supermarket, what time it closes on Friday, what time it opens on Saturday, if there is some kind of food delivery (like pizza delivery from the nearest town), if there is a kitchen/kettle/pans available, if there is a taxi service they use, etc (you said they have an internet page)
• let her send you some links to the area and contacts to the other guests, so you can ask about where they are staying, how they sorted this out (it should be the useless bride´s initiative tbh)
• dont go

I think you need to do more research re: the transport and the barn/area before you panic (given the bride is totally useless and clueless)

if you tell her (them) you have to have 3x train change and 40 mins of taxi, they will think you are an "entitled UK guest" who cannot research properly..... I just think its very unfair of them to let you and your friend to do all the research when some links would be very useful from her..... and also very unfair to ask you to be bridesmaids and then let you fend for yourself, ridiculous and tbh insulting (given you are paying everything to be there)

you are going to a bloody wedding, not an alternative hippie convention fgs!

I would not go
you dont need this kind of friend
just excuse yourselves
I think you dont see each other frequently and she may be a totally different person now from what you remember

cancel it, I would (emergency in family, etc)
dont go, imho

I don't think there's anything underhand going on. Just take it at face value. They booked this place and she's only just realised that there's not much there for you and wants to manage your expectations.

I fully expect to be booted out of MN for assuming that someone means what they say, of course.

she doesnt seems to have the priorities right: she is worrying you might be bored. How about worrying you might be hungry?

With what OP's described, I get the impression that "bored" is a catch-all word for "they're going to hate it" ... except it suggests some blame on the guests' part, whereas admitting they'd be hungry would clearly be the B&G's

I'm with you, though, in feeling that I probably just wouldn't go

I am quiet surprised at the sense of entitlement being shown here.
The bride invites people to her wedding, will be feeding the guests at the wedding.
It is not normal for a bride to feed people food outside of the event.

Well when you have guests travelling internationally and not an easy journey by the OPs account, travelling into a rural location, arriving late, likely no facilities nearby, then as the host is certainly have thought things through beyond "darn it, they'll stuff a couple of breakfast bars in their bag - that'll keep them well fed from Friday morning till after the ceremony on Saturday' 😒😠

I'd certainly not is certainly

So she’s surprised and upset that people travelling from abroad - a journey that seems to involve a plane, 3 trains, and a car journey - to the arse end of nowhere don’t want to stay in a venue that doesn’t have basic amenities like food/drinks and she and the groom, as hosts, aren’t providing anything for their guests either? So these travellers, after a full day’s travel to attend their wedding, aren’t even being given a sandwich when they arrive at the place they’ve been asked to stay at?

I’m not surprised people have decided bugger that for a game of soldiers tbh! I’m only surprised that she’s surprised!

Ok so is she one of those people who assumes that because no one else wants to stay at the place that you obviously don’t either and are only doing it to please her and needs reassurance that you really really do want to stay there even in spite of the drawbacks.

She wants the “you’ll be bored”
“No I wouldn’t, I really want to stay there” to and fro so that she feels less shit about her other friends ditching the place?