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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused about what the bride wants?

235 replies

Despolime · 29/01/2020 18:56

My friend lives abroad. Another friend and I are two of her bridesmaids. We are travelling to where she's getting married for the wedding in summer. We're staying in a room in the wedding venue Friday - Sunday, which is the time we're abroad. Another 8 guests plus the bride are staying overnight both days too.

Everything was sorted.

Then yesterday, the bride gets in touch to check friend & I definitely want to stay at the venue on the Friday. The wedding is on the Saturday. We said of course. She said that there is no bar or restaurant, only what we take. Fine, we said, we'll pick some things up to take with us. She kept asking if we were sure, and that it's no problem but there's not much about. We double checked again that she'd be there too, and she said yes. She said she was worried we'd be bored if we stayed there.

AIBU to be confused? We're only going to see her get married. Why would we want to stay elsewhere? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 01/02/2020 14:21

I also think that asking people to take a holiday for your wedding, a thing they completely don’t need to be spending £2k on, at a place they probably wouldn’t be going otherwise, with people they wouldnt choose to spend time with for 10+ days, a bit of food on arrival isn’t too much to ask.

It’s not like this is a standard hotel situation, it sounds like a gite or a barn or something.

pandora101 · 01/02/2020 14:28

@ mummmy2017 The bride invites people to her wedding, will be feeding the guests at the wedding.
It is not normal for a bride to feed people food outside of the event.

you sweet minx :)
everyone seems entitled in this story, some more and maybe rightfully, some less and maybe rightfully too

I would definitely not go to this wedding where just 4 people in the barn dont get food and drink AND I cant go to the next pub to have some :)

I dont think the bride wants anyone there who is not approved by the groom (his friends stays with him at his home)

maybe the groom pays for "everything" (like the Saturday food), because everything else is is paid by the guests (11 guests in total)

how gloomy this wedding seems to be?
I would definitely not be happy to assist to this very weird wedding in any capacity, thats for sure :)

it seems the bride is happy to let her bridesmaids to pay for everything and not provide anything

I changed my mind, its not entitlement on any side, its just very sad

I would not go, because the real reason to treat this wedding (from the bride and groom) as a cheap not welcoming affair is very telling

is the bride is maybe abused somehow? I cant think of anything else why she would discourage her friends from coming, telling them there is NOTHING for them after all that travelling

I am not surprised the other guests are staying somewhere else, if they were told no food no drink no anything remotely "wedding party celebrations for the weekend" is going on

I would not go, tbh
would you?

sonjadog · 01/02/2020 14:35

Also, what about after the wedding? Do you need to feed yourselves on Saturday and Sunday too? Is she really expecting you to bring a whole load of groceries from the UK with you? This is very odd.

FiremanSlam · 01/02/2020 14:40

It's not entitlement to hope that there is food easily available after a long journey. It's not even about the bride funding the food. If she couldn't afford to pay for extra food then she could have asked staying guests for a contribution and then either herself, or her dh2b (who I understand was staying with a relative close by and who presumably has a car) could get some shopping in so that the guests who had travelled a long distance could arrive and not worry about immediately sourcing some kind of food. It's about having consideration for friends and family who have made a big effort to attend your wedding.

If I were the bride in this situation then I would ensure that there was something to eat and drink when my friends and family arrived because that is what normal people who care about their friends and family do.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 14:56

How much more notice. And information can she give.
There is no food here, you need to sort yourself out.
Maybe her car is full of bridal stuff, I thought your bridesmaids were there to help not be pat of a problem.

FiremanSlam · 01/02/2020 14:58

And people have chosen not to stay there. They're not being entitled at all. In fact they're the opposite of entitled. They've made a decision not to stay there and stay somewhere that does provide food rather than demand the bride feed them them the night before the wedding.

LuluBellaBlue · 01/02/2020 15:02

Why don’t you just call her?
Say you’re confused and want to understand what it is she actually wants as you’re happy to fit around her.
I’m sure she’s probably just worrying about you

MrsCollinssettled · 01/02/2020 15:28

mummy the bride lives there so isn't trying to travel with wedding stuff. She is obviously comfortable with her bridesmaids and mother to potentially go without anything other than snacks for 24hrs+ despite them spending a considerable amount of money to support her on her wedding day.

If she wanted them to stay in a proper hotel it would be very entitled to expect the b&g to organise food, but wanting them to stay somewhere with no access to food makes the b&g morally obliged to make arrangements for their guests. These aren't work colleagues or distant relations, these are key members of the bridal party.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 15:31

I suppose I just thought I was a grown adult, who if told there is no food or a bar , am capable of feeding myself.

myrtleWilson · 01/02/2020 15:50

And if you weren't travelling over many hours and on different modes of transport (and therefore presumably at the behest of connections and timetables) fending for yourself if immensely more do-able mummmy

pandora101 · 01/02/2020 15:54

@ mummmy2017
I suppose I just thought I was a grown adult, who if told there is no food or a bar , am capable of feeding myself.

enough of the nonsense, okey? :)

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/02/2020 15:57

Why don’t you just call her?

According to OP at 00.02, another of the friends has called her and got nowhere; the phrase used was that "it's like getting blood out of a stone"

FWIW I agree with the poster who said a B&G don't normally provide catering outside of the actual wedding, but a venue in the middle of nowhere without even a bar isn't exactly a "normal" place to ask close guests to stay - especially when OP half-suspects they'll be "put into teams" to organise a great deal

All anyone's expecting is some clarity around what's in store for them - and if the couple can't even provide that, it's hardly the guests who are being entitled

MrsCollinssettled · 01/02/2020 16:01

OP what are the timings on the Saturday? Any chance you could escape to the nearest town and get a decent lunch before you're needed for wedding duty?

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 16:07

I really feel sad for a bride, who warns her two bridesmaids and MN turn it Into don't go , she is a bridezilla.

Original poster
Despolime · 01/02/2020 16:10

On the other hand, it sounds very unlikely you have to change trains 3x and get a taxi for 40 mins, I think it would be better if you research a bit more. Try to find Flixbus (very popular in Europe and cheap), dont bother with trains, bus is much better

Flixbus only goes to the nearest town which is an hour’s drive from the venue. We have already looked into it.

I think you dont see each other frequently and she may be a totally different person now from what you remember

We see each other several times a year.

OP posts:
pandora101 · 01/02/2020 16:18

I feel sad for the bride as well, because there are 11 guests, the groom´s friends are staying in his (presumably) comfortable house, or elsewhere, the bride´s most important people (mum and bridesmaids) staying in a barn out of nowhere without food or drink or proper access to anything

where the bride lives? the OP said she lives there near the place.... now, if the bride dont have a proper accommodation herself to welcome her mum and 2 bridesmaids there, it means she is moving into the groom´s house?

the more details of this strange arrangement I think of, the more I am concerned that this wedding is a sham
is the bride so desperate to be married she overlooks anything else? like the other 3 people (mum+2 bridesmaids)?

its not like she has to organize a wedding for 150 people, fgs :)
there is something fishy about this

Original poster
Despolime · 01/02/2020 16:22

She wants the “you’ll be bored”
”No I wouldn’t, I really want to stay there” to and fro so that she feels less shit about her other friends ditching the place?

I think that this is it exactly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Despolime · 01/02/2020 16:26

where the bride lives? the OP said she lives there near the place.... now, if the bride dont have a proper accommodation herself to welcome her mum and 2 bridesmaids there, it means she is moving into the groom´s house?

The bride and groom live together half an hour/an hour from the accommodation. Groom is staying with his brother who lives ten minutes away from accommodation the night before.

its not like she has to organize a wedding for 150 people, fgs

She is, that’s about how many guests there are. There are around ten travelling from the UK, all of whom I thought were spending the Friday and Saturday night at the venue, but I have found out that this isn’t the case for the Friday night. All of the other guests are German.

OP posts:
pandora101 · 01/02/2020 16:35

its not like she has to organize a wedding for 150 people, fgs
She is, that’s about how many guests there are

for 150 guests the bride and groom are preparing the food for Saturday? with no food available on Friday? at the place of venue? all the food they want to prepare themselves for 150 people would be delivered on Saturday while they are saying the "I do"s?

I rest my case, obviously I dont have enough information
enjoy the wedding!

MrsCollinssettled · 01/02/2020 16:36

Have you asked the bride for recommendations of where you can get a meal on Friday night? On the assumption that it hasn't occurred to her that you might need to eat. She might then realise that she needs to do something. If the groom is staying close by it shouldn't be too difficult to get a picnic left for them at the venue if nothing else.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 16:43

The leaps of knowledge made on here about a woman only one of the posters know is amazing.
I hope the OP comes back after the wedding and your all proved to have over egged this post.

Original poster
Despolime · 01/02/2020 16:45

for 150 guests the bride and groom are preparing the food for Saturday? with no food available on Friday? at the place of venue? all the food they want to prepare themselves for 150 people would be delivered on Saturday while they are saying the "I do"s?

They are using caterers for the Saturday. I have already said so up thread, just as I have said that there is also a brunch on the Sunday.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 17:01

Do you think the bride and her mum are eatting with the groom and so don't need food for Friday night?
Before you get transport at the last place that has places, do you think you could grab a meal?

emilybrontescorsett · 01/02/2020 17:37

I think it's really off for the bride & groom to do this to the op.
I think they should provide food and drinks for the op and her friend for the Friday night and Saturday morning or at the very least take them somewhere so the op can buy it.
I presume the groom or one of his friends has a car and can therefore get food and drinks and take them back to the venue. Or take the op somewhere where she can buy it.
Op- ask the bride what exactly are the plans with regards to obtaining good and drinks.

Totally unacceptable to just dump guests in the middle of nowhere without access to food and drink for several meals.

I'm intrigued as to what the bride and groom thought the op and guests would do for the entire weekend.

MadamePewter · 01/02/2020 17:42

I think the bride/groom/friend should really pick the op up at the station, and save the taxi, as well as provide a meal

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