To look through DP's phone?

[hollyb11]

So i wouldn't usually do this BUT dp has been acting suspicious with his phone lately!

It's never leaves his side, he slept with it under his pillow, wont leave me alone with his phone and i can feel the anxiety coming from him when his phone is in my hand! He went out on the weekend and i noticed he has someone new following him on Instagram and he followers her (someone fairly "Instagram famous" from the area his office is and who i know goes to the same place he drinks after work) I only noticed this last night when he was sleeping and have been fuming ever since and planning to go through his phone tonight when he is sleeping as i know his pass code as long as he hasn't changed it!

I have reasons not to trust him from something that happened at the start of our relationship and it seems like everytime he goes out (which isn't often tbh) there is something! He follows lots of these Instagram famous girls from the area he used to live and still works and i think its all very sad a shallow. I've had enough now I let this man move into my house after only 7 months (we've been together for a year now) so feel i have a right to look through his phone and know whats really going on! I'm 29 and he's 33.

AIBU? Not that i care because i will be going through his phone regardless but feel like maybe my anger is getting the better of me right now.

Sorry not the responses from you! Meant responses from other posters!!

What's the plan for next steps OP?

Sorry, but it's always unreasonable to look through someones phone ( also their diary, emails etc).

You need to ask if you have suspicions. Although they may well lie to you, you need to give voice to your concerns and then make a decision based on how you feel about the answers they give. There is never justification to invade anyones privacy.

If you feel they are lying, then you make a choice, either leave them and end the relationship or stay and endure mistrust between you.

Every relationship needs trust or it quickly withers and dies. So if you feel you don't trust them, end the relationship. No amount of snooping will help how you feel because when trust is gone, it's gone.

OP you are my hero, honestly! So well handled.

Omg....to the OP. I trust my husband so much. He could be in bed with a bevvy if gorgeous naked woman and I would trust him t not cheat. He could be naked in bed with his favourite film star and not cheat. I trust him a million percent.

However. I believe you’ve handled this so well. @ilovesooty. The OP just found her man cheating. Like I said above. I trust my husband implicitly!!! However I would be so furious if I’d found out he was cheating. She’s behaving really with dignity.

@Herringbone31 we obviously see it differently. Of course it's natural for points of view to differ.

OP please ignore the unhelpful, uncalled for sanctimonious replied on here. Whatever you need to do that makes you feel better then do it. He lost the right to being treated with any respect and dignity when he stopped treating you with any. I would have ripped the shit out of him when I found the messages and you’ve done really well how you’ve dealt with it!!

Ilovesooty you lost me at "you've interrupted his working day" your opinion is now irrelevant.

Thank you for all the replies :) Trying my best just to end it however is best now. He has resorted to begging on the phone for one more chance and he will never go on a night out again etc etc and to have a week or so to myself to think about what i really want. I know i want him out of my life that is all.

I've packed up most of his things and going to pack up the rest before he gets here.

OP
I am so sorry to hear all this

You have done so well
He is out
He is a cheater and won't change
Block
But the bags outside the house
Close the curtains and be thankful you hopefully will never need to see him again
So sorry it feels horrible many of us have been there

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You deserve much better than him OP
There's nothing worse than when they turn on the sobbing and begging.
Just stay angry and chuck all his stuff outside before he gets there then go out before he comes home so he cannot talk you round.
He's only begging because he's stuck for a place to sleep tonight.
Hopefully one of his new potential gfs will take pity on him like you did 12 months ago.

OP.. Good on ya girlie..

How are you @hollyb11

Well done, he sounds like a cocklodger.

Do you still have the woman's phone number? Please message her and tell her everything factually, with special emphasis on him googling her net worth and moving in with you after a few months because he was homeless.

He has resorted to begging on the phone for one more chance and he will never go on a night out again etc etc and to have a week or so to myself to think about what i really want

Oh how very magnanimous if him you give you a week of peace to work out what you want...

FFS

Tell him you don’t need a week, you’ve told him to move out. You know what you want, a man who respects you & isn’t acting like a 17yo chasing tail. So he’s NEVER going to be the one for you.

Jesus he’s full of himself.

As for the crying every time he’s challenged, that alone would get him binned.

Do you still have the woman's phone number? Please message her and tell her everything factually, with special emphasis on him googling her net worth and moving in with you after a few months because he was homeless*

Nah She knew he had a gf, she deserves any shot coming her way.

Shit not shot. She doesn’t deserve to be shot...him🤷🏻‍♀️

Apologies for doubting your instinct OP, I hope you're ok and he is long gone.
Be kind to yourself.

How are you ?
Hope the loser stays away