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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To look through DP's phone?

195 replies

hollyb11 · 28/01/2020 16:24

So i wouldn't usually do this BUT dp has been acting suspicious with his phone lately!

It's never leaves his side, he slept with it under his pillow, wont leave me alone with his phone and i can feel the anxiety coming from him when his phone is in my hand! He went out on the weekend and i noticed he has someone new following him on Instagram and he followers her (someone fairly "Instagram famous" from the area his office is and who i know goes to the same place he drinks after work) I only noticed this last night when he was sleeping and have been fuming ever since and planning to go through his phone tonight when he is sleeping as i know his pass code as long as he hasn't changed it!

I have reasons not to trust him from something that happened at the start of our relationship and it seems like everytime he goes out (which isn't often tbh) there is something! He follows lots of these Instagram famous girls from the area he used to live and still works and i think its all very sad a shallow. I've had enough now I let this man move into my house after only 7 months (we've been together for a year now) so feel i have a right to look through his phone and know whats really going on! I'm 29 and he's 33.

AIBU? Not that i care because i will be going through his phone regardless but feel like maybe my anger is getting the better of me right now.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 29/01/2020 08:20

Wow you have handled this really well. Taking the key back was a stroke of genius.

I'm sure today will be hard as the reality sinks in but you can handle it and will come out of it much better than him. Have you told the other woman now?

Damntheman · 29/01/2020 08:21

I'm also kind of surprised he hadn't changed his password.

Best of luck moving forward OP.

MsPepperPotts · 29/01/2020 08:22

You will find the strength OP
You did the right thing looking at his phone
You will be well rid.
Back in the days before mobile phones it usually took a lot more time to find out that cheating partners were up to something.

Today people can usually find out just by how a person's behaviour changes around their mobile phone.

Hopefully you will be rid of him by tonight. Flowers

YouJustDoYou · 29/01/2020 08:28

It's all well and good posters being sanctimonious about not looking but when it's the only way to get some semblance of answer fuck that, you do it or you're gaslighted forever about never being told the truth and in the meantime is he subjecting you to STIs? What other life is he leading? Of course you need to fucking find out. Glad you looked OP. sorry you found out what you did but better to know than never be told.

Buggedandconfused · 29/01/2020 08:33

OP, keep your anger & strength. Be cold and to the point with him. Get the stupid little weasel the fuck out of your life and let him message the OW all he likes. Googling her net worth?! What a fucking low life. Utter pig.
You know you are worth more than this, don’t forget you are the prize ... a lovely, good, honest person and he’s blown it.

Tattooedmama · 29/01/2020 09:42

How horrible for you to find this out, always trust your gut when there is a change is behaviour.
Weather its morally right or wrong to check someones phone, what he has done is far worse and you deserve better Flowers

Original poster
hollyb11 · 29/01/2020 09:56

Well i couldn't wait until the afternoon so i just called him to say what i had seen. He started crying saying he wasn't with her and i can ask her and that she was chatting him up so he took her number to call her on his way home to say that he wasn't interested and that he was in love with me hahahaha!

He said the google searches were an accident Hmm

Oh and i asked him to swear on my life that he hasn't been messaging her but he wouldn't do it then admitted that he had but only to tell her he wasn't interested.

A 5 year old could come up with better than this.

OP posts:
KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 29/01/2020 09:58

How do you accidentally type out entire sentences into google and press the search button Confused the fact he even thought you’d fall for that tells you everything you need to know about him and that’s before the bullshit about taking his number to call her and tell her he wasn’t interested because he loves you Hmm

Divebar · 29/01/2020 10:09

Googling her net worth? That’s a classy move. ( that’s all you need to tell her by the way)

MsPepperPotts · 29/01/2020 10:29

So are you going to let him stay op or has he managed to talk you round with his sobbing and lies?

YasssKween · 29/01/2020 11:09

So you've broken up with him yes?

Because you know that's ridiculous and him giving that excuse is nearly as insulting as his behaviour in the first place.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2020 11:15

So you couldn't resist having it out with him and you've interrupted his working day to do it. Looks as though you're enjoying the drama as much as some of the posters on the thread. I thought you said you didn't want or need an explanation?

Needadviceplz · 29/01/2020 11:28

Interupted his work day omg the horror.

Original poster
hollyb11 · 29/01/2020 11:32

I interrupted his working day?????????? Oh poor him Hmm

He has interrupted a year of my life and my working day as i work from home and now having to spend half of my day packing up this stuff.

Go away!

OP posts:
FizzyIce · 29/01/2020 11:32

@ilovesooty what are you talking about ?
If you found out your partner was doing this then you’d just merrily go about your day until the evening ?
Yeah right.
And drama ? Ffs

Original poster
hollyb11 · 29/01/2020 11:33

Actually shocked by some people on here!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 29/01/2020 11:38

I thought you were simply going to pack up his stuff and tell him the relationship was over. You said you neither needed or wanted an explanation once you were proved right. You said there was no point in discussing it with him because he'd deny it. So why carry on like this?

ilovesooty · 29/01/2020 11:40

And calling people at their place of work to discuss this stuff is beyond undignified.

KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 29/01/2020 11:41

It’s undignified to google the net worth of the woman you’re having, or hoping to have, an affair with 😂

Cheesewine · 29/01/2020 11:41

@ilovesooty .... Easier said than done.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2020 11:43

That's not the point. It's not publicly undignified anyway.

The OP could have addressed all this at home.

3rdchristmaslucky · 29/01/2020 11:43

@ilovesooty bore off.

OP. You've handled this really well. Always trust your gut.
I wouldn't have been able to handle it all night I would have thrown him out early hours in just his pants and changed his inst profile to a confession.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2020 11:46

I don't have to bore off because someone else says so.

Fwiw i disagree that the OP hss handled this well - particularly in terms of her own ongoing well being.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2020 11:49

Cheesewine I agree with you there. However I think other posters are actually enjoying this like a soap opera and the OP stands to be more hurt in the long run.

TeddybearBaby · 29/01/2020 12:00

Op I just ‘lol’ at some of your responses. There are a lot of perfect people around aren’t there 🙄.

Keep your chin up, you’ve done so well!