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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have sex with partner after finding this out?

109 replies

Namechange224 · 27/01/2020 20:09

DP and I have been together a few years. I was just on his email account on our shared computer looking for a booking reference and discovered an email from 7 months before we got together. He had ordered chlamydia treatment medicine.
I had asked him before in conversation if he had ever had any STD/STI and he said no, so obviously lied.
I know it was before me but I can't help feeling repulsed by it and also now repulsed at the idea of having sex with him!

AIBU? Would you feel the same??

OP posts:
Careersytype · 27/01/2020 20:11

I would be upset that he lied tbh.... you had a grown up conversation with him, and he chose to lie..

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/01/2020 20:12

How did you happen upon an email from years ago?

Have you asked him since you read it?

I’d be annoyed he lied. He might be annoyed you snooped.

Stressedout10 · 27/01/2020 20:12

Can I ask why you feel like this. I mean if he treated it and no longer has it why would you worry?

PearlsPerils · 27/01/2020 20:13

You’re not unreasonable to be annoyed that he lied ( he should have told you to mind your own) but YABU to be annoyed about him being with someone else and possibly having had an STI. It’s a risk of having sex.

Ohnoherewego62 · 27/01/2020 20:13

Is it definitely for that sti though?

I ordered a treatment for BV which also treats sexual diseases. (Had been to the gp loads and balance activ doesnt have the same effect anymore).

Theres still a lot of stigma around sexual diseases that people dont want to talk about them or admit to having them.

BellatrixLestat · 27/01/2020 20:14

Reaching here but... could he have bought it for somebody else?

ethelfleda · 27/01/2020 20:14

If he still had it then YANBU
However, you’ve no idea of the circumstances surrounding this, how he caught it - or even IF - he caught it... so YABU.

pinkyredrose · 27/01/2020 20:15

Did you ask him about it? Maybe it wasn't for him?

Original poster
Namechange224 · 27/01/2020 20:15

I think it's the lying that makes me feel so bad about it IMO.

Came across the email as I typed a keyword to narrow down my search (for what I was actually looking for) and this also popped up.

OP posts:
Fanniesyeraunt · 27/01/2020 20:16

Are you sure it’s not spam? DH has loads of spam emails on his account for things like STI home checks, penis enlargers, viagra etc!
Just a thought..

BecauseReasons · 27/01/2020 20:18

Pharmaceuticals often have more than once use. I think you need to ask him if he lied.

GinDaddy · 27/01/2020 20:18

Looked for a booking reference

"Stumbled" instead upon a chlamydia treatment email from ages ago.

Comes onto Mumsnet to stir the chorus line into their favourite tune, "LTB".

Hmm yabu

Bee2828 · 27/01/2020 20:18

Tbh I think you were snooping. Why would you need to look back on emails so far?

I’m not judging btw! I have done the same 😂

Why would have ordered it by email? Are you in the UK?

Could he have bought for something else??

In have a friend who’s friend wanted to get checked and was too scared to get the results posted to her home with her parents so my friend who lived with her dad offered to get the results sent to her house (this was in a time before results were sent by text it seems). My friends dad opened the letter 😩🤣

Also, I got given antibiotics recently for a wisdom tooth infection. The antibiotic is used to treat chlamydia so the leaflet said!

EmmaC78 · 27/01/2020 20:18

I wouldn't be bothered by the fact he had an STI that he treated but I would be questioning him about why he lied. Honesty is the key to any relationship. He should have just told the truth, in which case it would have been no dig deal.

Original poster
Namechange224 · 27/01/2020 20:22

Posted anonymously, if I was snooping I'd say I was snooping. (have done in past, just not on this occasion lol)

OP posts:
baubled · 27/01/2020 20:24

I've had it prior to being with DP, I most certainly would have lied if he asked because my health (of any kind) before him is my business only. Obviously by saying anything other than no to your question would have roused suspicion and questioning.

The only thing that matters is that he was checked and clean before having sex with you, if he had lied about that then fair enough but he obviously didn't want the reaction of "I'm repulsed" which to be honest, is fully understandable.

Hirsutefirs · 27/01/2020 20:26

There are some things you should lie about.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/01/2020 20:27

I am not sure but think this scenario is possible - a previous partner contacted him to say she had it and may have passed it on. He goes to get tested and tells them a previous partner may have passed it on. They take a swab and give him a prescription just in case so he can start treatment immediately. He receives prescription/ takes it but then gets test results back saying he doesn't have it.

Hirsutefirs · 27/01/2020 20:28

There are also some messages you should delete!

CalmdownJanet · 27/01/2020 20:28

I think yabu, once it's been treated and no risk of infecting you then it's none of your business, he was probably embarrassed to tell you, surely you can understand that?

timeisnotaline · 27/01/2020 20:28

The lying is not great but it’s also not really your business early in a relationship. As long as he was treated and is clean, then stis are a risk of having sex. It’s not something that might change your mind about him as a person so it’s none of your business isn’t it? This is a completely different case from finding hed cheated or visited prostitutes.

busybarbara · 27/01/2020 20:28

He had ordered chlamydia treatment medicine.
I had asked him before in conversation if he had ever had any STD/STI and he said no, so obviously lied.

Talk about jumping to conclusions. He could have been buying it for an embarrassed friend, an ex, or heck, anyone.

Original poster
Namechange224 · 27/01/2020 20:28

It was asked before in conversation, no directly, out the blue. If he said none of my business then fair enough, it was how adamant a no it was Hmm
I think that's why I feel so uncomfortable about it.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 27/01/2020 20:33

Frankly I'd be more relieved that I was with a capable adult who got himself tested & treated, than I would be bothered about him lying about ever having one when asked.

I dunno, we all have boundaries and if a historic, treated STI is a deal breaker for you (however OTT that seems to me) and you made it clear that was the case, then reluctantly YANBU.

But if it was a casual 'have you ever had an STI' then yeah, I can see why he lied to avoid you 'being repulsed' for no reason.

It's not just rats, cheats and serial shaggers who get STIs unfortunately.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/01/2020 20:33

He possibly feels the same way about your inappropriate question. YABU. Chlamydia is incredibly common. I think there is much less of a stigma attached to catching it than in the past.

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