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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have sex with partner after finding this out?

109 replies

Namechange224 · 27/01/2020 20:09

DP and I have been together a few years. I was just on his email account on our shared computer looking for a booking reference and discovered an email from 7 months before we got together. He had ordered chlamydia treatment medicine.
I had asked him before in conversation if he had ever had any STD/STI and he said no, so obviously lied.
I know it was before me but I can't help feeling repulsed by it and also now repulsed at the idea of having sex with him!

AIBU? Would you feel the same??

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 28/01/2020 06:36

People don’t necessarily feel comfortable talking about that stuff.
That’s ok.
It was before your time - let it lie

Oakenbeach · 28/01/2020 06:43

The lying is not great but it’s also not really your business early in a relationship.

The OP said they’d been together for a few years, so hardly “early” in a relationship.

SirTobyBelch · 28/01/2020 06:45

What country are you in, OP, where antibiotics can be ordered online?

SoupDragon · 28/01/2020 07:15

Came across the email as I typed a keyword to narrow down my search

What on Earth was the booking for that the keyword brought up an STI email?

RoseWines · 28/01/2020 07:21

Wow @sirtobybelch you can order antibiotics online from boots or superdrug. Or uk online pharmacies. Just google it!

MissBax · 28/01/2020 07:30

Are you 14? You're with someone who had sex before he knew you existed and may or may not have contracted an STI. And was sensible enough to get it treated?

Am I missing something?

ColourMyDreams · 28/01/2020 07:34

I don't understand. You said that you came across it while searching for something else, but yet you admit to snooping in the past and that particular email never showed up?
Hmm

kmammamalto · 28/01/2020 07:54

Jesus it's chlamydia. It's almost as common as a bloody cold. Who cares if he had it before he met you?! If this was the other way round everyone would be saying of course you don't have to tell him darling! What he doesn't know can't hurt him!
I actually feel sorry for him that you have this information about him that basically disgusted you and you're posting about it on the internet.

LemonTT · 28/01/2020 08:02

Online pharmacists cannot just dispense a prescription only drug. However some have an online GP service that do. From recollection these services use online notifications to alert users to messages held on their server. They don’t email confidential details of the consultation or diagnosis. This is to prevent problems like a nosey spouse accessing private information.

SmileyClare · 28/01/2020 08:06

I'm baffled as to why an email would use the term Chlamydia Treatment Medicine Confused As pps have said, it's usually treated with doxycyline (the same antibiotic used to treat eye infections, acne, UTIs) I've never heard it called Chlamydia medicine.

It's immature to have unprotected sex this is a massive assumption. Are you saying only immature people contract STIs?

Lots of couples use the contraceptive pill (no barrier for STIs) it's possible that he was cheated on or an old gf contacted all ex partners after a positive chlamydia test.

If we are throwing around accusations of immaturity, then OP wins with her behaviour: trawling through historic emails," LOL"ing about snooping and feeling icky and repulsed that her partner had a sexual infection 7 years ago.

Microwavedtea · 28/01/2020 08:28

YABU.

There could be multiple reasons for him bit telling you, including it being a precaution or for someone else. IF it was for him then at least he was responsible enough to get checked and take it.

saraclara · 28/01/2020 08:30

If he ordered doxycycline it was probably as an ANTIMALARIAL.

Was he travelling back then, OP? I prefer my anti malarials online too, as it's not possible to get them on the NHS.

saraclara · 28/01/2020 08:31

Prefer= order

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 28/01/2020 08:33

So he sought treatment for a common std before you got together? He sounds like a sensible man who looks after his sexual health. Quite immature to be so upset by this. He may not have told you as he got treatment just in case after an ex contacted him, or maybe he forgot it, or maybe as it’s such a common std he simply didn’t think you meant it and were asking about the heroes level stuff. I hope you can move past it!

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 28/01/2020 08:34

Heroes = herpes Confused

saraclara · 28/01/2020 08:36

Seriously, it's not ever occurred to my that anyone could see either my order for antimalarials or the tablets themselves, and think chlamydia. I know doxy is an antibiotic too, but I didn't know what sort of infection it's often used for.

I wonder who's judged me without me knowing?!

PrincessPain · 28/01/2020 08:41

The OP said they’d been together for a few years, so hardly “early” in a relationship.

I assumed they had the STI and previous sexual partners conversation early on in their relationship. Not sure why any one would bring it up years into a relationship if the answer would affect how they felt about their partner, I assume that's why the PP also assumed he "lied" early in the relationship.

bushhbb · 28/01/2020 10:09

_YABU
_
is it any wonder he lied when this is how you react? Do you actually realise how common STIs, especially chlamydia are - but the thing is most people aren't going to admit to it.

NameChangeNugget · 28/01/2020 10:14

YABU. You sound like a nightmare.

JacquesHammer · 28/01/2020 10:18

Wants to keep something secret from partner, doesn't delete emails on sensitive issues on an account he knows other people might look at?

Not the sharpest tack is he?

saraclara · 28/01/2020 10:19

Yep. I'd put money on you having put two and two together and made five, anyway. That money is on him having travelled to South East Asia or somewhere and needed an antimalarial.

But even if not, I'm unconvinced by how you found that email. Even if a different word came up in the search, why follow its track back to the email itself?

JacquesHammer · 28/01/2020 10:21

The thing is, why wasn't he just honest.

"Oh yeah I was diagnosed in x but was treated before we met"

"I bought it for Bob"

"I bought an online test kit which was negative"

All ways in which a grown man can use his words to sort out a situation without being cagey.

TwinsTrollsAndHunz · 28/01/2020 10:34

Chlamydia is really common and very contagious. Lots of people have it/had it and it is very easily diagnosed and treated with antibiotics (which could also be used to treat a number of other conditions).

You are overreacting.

saraclara · 28/01/2020 10:46

The thing is, why wasn't he just honest.

You don't know that he wasn't. "Chlamydia treatment medicine" isn't a thing. The antibiotic that treats chlamydia is used for many other conditions, and is most commonly bought online for use as an antimalarial (not available on the NHS)

If he'd had chlamydia he could have got the medication in the NHS so no need to buy online.

JacquesHammer · 28/01/2020 10:47

You don't know that he wasn't. "Chlamydia treatment medicine" isn't a thing. The antibiotic that treats chlamydia is used for many other conditions, and is most commonly bought online for use as an antimalarial (not available on the NHS)

If he'd had chlamydia he could have got the medication in the NHS so no need to buy online

So wouldn't he have just explained that....? Oh yeah, I took X medication for Y condition in Z year.

Easy. Done.

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