To not want to have sex with partner after finding this out?

[Namechange224]

DP and I have been together a few years. I was just on his email account on our shared computer looking for a booking reference and discovered an email from 7 months before we got together. He had ordered chlamydia treatment medicine.
I had asked him before in conversation if he had ever had any STD/STI and he said no, so obviously lied.
I know it was before me but I can't help feeling repulsed by it and also now repulsed at the idea of having sex with him!

AIBU? Would you feel the same??

[GEEpEe]

I don't think it is wise to lie but I look at this a different way. I would never ask someone if they have ever had a chest infection or a tummy bug and whether it had been adequately treated because it is mostly irrelevant to me unless they appear symptomatic in which case I do ask.

I do ask sexual partners about STDs and whether they are cured/treated because of the risk of contracting one.

The difference is that if someone tells you they contracted norovirus but have since recovered enough not to be contagious, you would never judge that person negatively or make assumptions about their lifestyle. With an STD, people do make those assumptions and that's why people have a tendency to hide their history, particularly where it no longer poses a risk.

The fact that you are indeed now judging him negatively only serves to reinforce the view that he should hide it when actually there is good reason for ensuring that treatment was indeed complete and they've had negative test results since then.

The only reason that chlamydia isn't viewed the same as norovirus is because it spreads through sex and society still shames promiscuity, or even the hint of promiscuity. Imagine if we dumped someone for once having the flu?

[AryaStarkWolf]

YABU, if he didn't have it when you met then it's his own business, I get why he would have lied at the start of a relationship about something like that, it's embarrassing

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

OP please come back and explain how you know the antibiotics he took were treatment for chlamydia.
Like others have said, you can't know that from the email, unless it was from the clap clinic, which it may have been, but you don't explain.

[LemonTT]

He would not have received an email saying we are sending you X medication for Y diagnosis. He won’t even receive an email confirming an online diagnosis.

The treatment for the condition is a common treatment for a range of conditions.

[Urkiddingright]

He was probably embarrassed about it. Why on Earth were you snooping at emails from before you even met? Such a weird thing to do...

It really doesn’t matter, he was treated for it months before you met and therefore responsibly hasn’t spread it to anyone else. How would you have reacted if he’d been honest at the time and said yeah, I had chlamydia a few months ago? Probably recoiled in horror, right?

It’s a super common STI. A lot of people have it without realising which is shit so they spread it unknowingly to others.

[saraclara]

Let's make it easy for you

I had asked him before in conversation if he had ever had any STD/STI and he said no, so obviously lied.

[saraclara]

She asked him about stds BEFORE she saw that email.
Read the OP again.

[JacquesHammer]

She didn't ask him if he's taken that drug. She asked him if he's had an std. He said no

And at which point "why do you ask" - to maybe get to the bottom of it? If only there was a way. I mean if someone asked me out of the blue "have you had an STD" I might be slightly interested in what had prompted it!

[saraclara]

She didn't ask him if he's taken that drug. She asked him if he's had an std. He said no.

[JacquesHammer]

You don't know that he wasn't. "Chlamydia treatment medicine" isn't a thing. The antibiotic that treats chlamydia is used for many other conditions, and is most commonly bought online for use as an antimalarial (not available on the NHS)

If he'd had chlamydia he could have got the medication in the NHS so no need to buy online

So wouldn't he have just explained that....? Oh yeah, I took X medication for Y condition in Z year.

Easy. Done.

[saraclara]

The thing is, why wasn't he just honest.

You don't know that he wasn't. "Chlamydia treatment medicine" isn't a thing. The antibiotic that treats chlamydia is used for many other conditions, and is most commonly bought online for use as an antimalarial (not available on the NHS)

If he'd had chlamydia he could have got the medication in the NHS so no need to buy online.

[TwinsTrollsAndHunz]

Chlamydia is really common and very contagious. Lots of people have it/had it and it is very easily diagnosed and treated with antibiotics (which could also be used to treat a number of other conditions).

You are overreacting.

[JacquesHammer]

The thing is, why wasn't he just honest.

"Oh yeah I was diagnosed in x but was treated before we met"

"I bought it for Bob"

"I bought an online test kit which was negative"

All ways in which a grown man can use his words to sort out a situation without being cagey.

[saraclara]

Yep. I'd put money on you having put two and two together and made five, anyway. That money is on him having travelled to South East Asia or somewhere and needed an antimalarial.

But even if not, I'm unconvinced by how you found that email. Even if a different word came up in the search, why follow its track back to the email itself?

[JacquesHammer]

Wants to keep something secret from partner, doesn't delete emails on sensitive issues on an account he knows other people might look at?

Not the sharpest tack is he?

[NameChangeNugget]

YABU. You sound like a nightmare.

[bushhbb]

_YABU
_
is it any wonder he lied when this is how you react? Do you actually realise how common STIs, especially chlamydia are - but the thing is most people aren't going to admit to it.

[PrincessPain]

The OP said they’d been together for a few years, so hardly “early” in a relationship.

I assumed they had the STI and previous sexual partners conversation early on in their relationship. Not sure why any one would bring it up years into a relationship if the answer would affect how they felt about their partner, I assume that's why the PP also assumed he "lied" early in the relationship.

[saraclara]

Seriously, it's not ever occurred to my that anyone could see either my order for antimalarials or the tablets themselves, and think chlamydia. I know doxy is an antibiotic too, but I didn't know what sort of infection it's often used for.

I wonder who's judged me without me knowing?!

[GoodbyePorpoiseSpit]

Heroes = herpes

[GoodbyePorpoiseSpit]

So he sought treatment for a common std before you got together? He sounds like a sensible man who looks after his sexual health. Quite immature to be so upset by this. He may not have told you as he got treatment just in case after an ex contacted him, or maybe he forgot it, or maybe as it’s such a common std he simply didn’t think you meant it and were asking about the heroes level stuff. I hope you can move past it!

[saraclara]

Prefer= order

[saraclara]

If he ordered doxycycline it was probably as an ANTIMALARIAL.

Was he travelling back then, OP? I prefer my anti malarials online too, as it's not possible to get them on the NHS.

[Microwavedtea]

YABU.

There could be multiple reasons for him bit telling you, including it being a precaution or for someone else. IF it was for him then at least he was responsible enough to get checked and take it.

[SmileyClare]

I'm baffled as to why an email would use the term Chlamydia Treatment Medicine As pps have said, it's usually treated with doxycyline (the same antibiotic used to treat eye infections, acne, UTIs) I've never heard it called Chlamydia medicine.

It's immature to have unprotected sex this is a massive assumption. Are you saying only immature people contract STIs?

Lots of couples use the contraceptive pill (no barrier for STIs) it's possible that he was cheated on or an old gf contacted all ex partners after a positive chlamydia test.

If we are throwing around accusations of immaturity, then OP wins with her behaviour: trawling through historic emails," LOL"ing about snooping and feeling icky and repulsed that her partner had a sexual infection 7 years ago.