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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I?

244 replies

Ladyrill5 · 26/01/2020 22:56

Looking for some advice on the following:

I’ve lived in my property for four years and moved in when I was pregnant with my first child. Within a few days/weeks of moving in, a few neighbours complained about parking. Most of the issues were that they didn’t want us to park on the public street outside their houses as they did - ridiculous as any taxed car can park there but we had a specific issue with parking with our next door neighbours.

We live in an end terrace and have an allocated parking space outside our house. The parking space is shared with these neighbours but can comfortably park three cars. They have one car, we have another. When I was 6 months pregnant. Our neighbour came round and started shouting at me as someone was parked in her space and she couldn’t get out of her garage. It transpired that the car belonged to her other adjoining neighbour who were desperately trying to get their 90 odd year old mother from the front door to the car. She did shout at them but said she had unfinished business with me.

A day or two later, she came round to discuss her issues. She said that she found me to be incredibly rude as I’d assumed the middle space was shared between us (it is) but she doesn’t want anyone parking there. She acknowledged that the parking that day, in her space, had nothing to do with me but still thought we were taking liberties by letting guests park in the middle. I apologised as I hadn’t meant to cause upset and we agreed to share it.

Since then, they’ve complained that our joiner left dust in the cracks of the pavement after he’d swept up after himself and insisted my OH sprays down the pavement with water, which we have. They’ve complained about our surround sound TV - we’ve turned it right down. They’ve complained our shared fence post bends into their garden, we’ve tried to mend it. They’ve complained about music being played during the day (not loud) but we’ve switched it off immediately. We never make household noise between the hours of 9-7am. We try to be as considerate as possible but the one thing we can’t help are the noises our children are making. We have a 3 and a half year old daughter and a 6 month old son.

Last year, she complained that our daughter, then 2 screams a lot. I asked her to clarify and she said that this wasn’t crying or tantrum screams but excited screams during the day. A combination of me trying to teach her not to and her just naturally growing out of it.

Today, my auntie was visiting and on returning from a meal out, my auntie arrived home first. She parked a little too far over to let me get the baby seat out and had said she’d move the car once he was out but unfortunately, my neighbour returned home from a weekend away and was fuming.

She collared me immediately and said it’s about time we had a chat about noise levels again. She said that my daughter had finally stopped with the screaming and when I said that I do try to get the kids to keep the noise down, she responded by saying that she chose not to have children so why should she have to listen to noise from mine. It just so happens that whilst she was away her lodger had been making so much noise that my daughter thought someone had broken in which I did mention but I’ve come away feeling very anxious about it all. I’ve recently been diagnosed with post-natal anxiety following my son being hospitalised, amongst other things (he’s fine now). I feel I should point out that most nights my children sleep 7.30-7.30 and have since 8 and 10 weeks old. It’s rare we have a bad night. I also feel that on all other matters of complaint, we’ve bent over backwards to accommodate her. I know she’ll come round in a few days and I’m at a loss as what else I can say to her. Any thoughts or advice would be welcomed.

OP posts:
MollyMinniesMum · 28/01/2020 19:44

I’m sorry to inform you, you live next door to a CF

DreamTheMoors · 28/01/2020 19:47

@Bluetrews25

😂😂😂 that reminds me of my own dear mum who lived in a retirement flat.
I’d go visit her and she’d have the tv blaring!
Me: TURN DOWN THE TV!!!!!
Mum: WHAT???
Me: I SAID TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID!!!!!
(Which She didn’t have or own)
Then she’d have to turn down the tv to ask me what I said...
It was a vicious circle every single time. I’m surprised she didn’t get evicted.

DreamTheMoors · 28/01/2020 19:54

@Ladyrill5

“She ranted on and on and on for about five minutes during which I began to record the conversation on my phone. After I challenged her that her dog barked more than mine, and then told her that what she was doing was harassment and how I’d recorded this conversation and would be taking it to the police she screamed hysterically and went into her house screaming all the while. And never spoke to me again. [grin{”

This! ^ Record her next time and then say go ahead & threaten me - I’ve just recorded your rant & will turn it over to the authorities.

Tiffinity13 · 28/01/2020 19:58

You sound so reasonable, just as I was with my batshit crazy neighbour. It didn't work. I tried standing up to her from the off but she picked on everything we did and things reached such a head that she went all legal on us for leaving two well packaged up pieces of rubbish for collection. I wish I'd have told her to fuck off from the start! I didn't because my partner wanted to keep the peace.
If you can manage it can you be more assertive and inform her that she's making a fuss over nothing, nitpicking all the time and to get on with her own life. She sounds like a bully, same as ours. Good luck xx

TheBigFatMermaid · 28/01/2020 20:03

I need a holiday, can I come and stay at yours? I find nothing more relaxing than sticking up for others!

Iwanttobeagranny · 28/01/2020 20:23

Yep, tell her to fuck off and just don’t engage in conversation with the crazy bitch. You tried to do the decent thing and she wasn’t grateful so from now on park where you like, watch tv with the volume where you want it and enjoy the sound of your kids xx

TheReef · 28/01/2020 20:28

Big girl pants time Smile

Justploddingon · 28/01/2020 20:30

Personally I would play the music, get a trampoline in the back garden for the children and park my car where I need to. If it is such a menace to her and she moans, she can tell the local authority and make herself look stupid 👍

Espoleta · 28/01/2020 20:34

Tell her to fuck off.

She’s walking all over you. Stop being accommodating and don’t engage with her.

Lulu49 · 28/01/2020 20:57

Tell her to fuck off

Lulu49 · 28/01/2020 21:00

Tell her you are expecting again and it’s twins 😊

Totaldogsbody · 28/01/2020 21:39

Shes a CF. Park in your own space and let visitors park were they can as long as it's not in anyone's designated space. Let your children live, it's natural for children to make noise infact encourage it, even if it is only to annoy her. Listen to your music and sing at the top of your voice during the day. She's a control freak dont let her control you or your family.

Rachel709 · 28/01/2020 21:39

Send your husband around. He can speak to her husband and tell him from now on any issues he is to talk to him, and for his wife to stop harassing you. Or just tell her to flip off. Or think of some things to complain to them about. There is no law about kids noise.

mansviewpoint · 28/01/2020 21:47

My previous neighbour complained to me about
A) Fish being cooked
B) My car being started loudly.. (It was a brand new car and was a 2Litre diesel and so wasn't that loud).
C) My headlights shone through her window at 2am when I got home.
D) Windchime in the garden being 80ft away from the house.
etc.. etc.. etc....
E) My electrician was not allowed to put in a socket in my house... (This was the tipping point for me)....
I spoke to Citizen's advice about it and so would suggest for yourself, write down each time they come around and what the complaint is. if you can try to record them as well on your phone.

I mentioned to them that if they had any issues then please document them to me in writing and I'll look into it, because I didn't have the time to resolve them straight away.
They didn't for a while, but as they complained again and again.. I just said to them, that they need to write it down instead of banging on my door, because I'm too busy to resolve it all right now. After a while I got notes through the door, which I kept. I did try to show willing, so I would turn off the headlights as I got onto my drive for example.
They complained again and in the end the Council helped with a "mediator" which i paid for. The moment the mediator sent them a letter explaining the situation was out of hand and that it would be good for them to sit down with me and discuss it properly, they stopped everything. For them it was a power thing and them not liking change. Neither of which are my or your problem. Just try not to loose your cool.

MimiLaRue · 28/01/2020 21:48

Unfortunately, she sounds unhinged and the fact you have abided by her "rules" means she sees that as power and is now pushing you further and further in an attempt to intimidate you and to "win" against you.

The only way to stop her is t not abide by her "rules". Stop adjusting your life to accommodate her unreasonable requests. Just live your life as normal. After all, youve done all you can to obey her "rules" but its not working is it? she's still having a go at you. Therefore, I would live your life as normal, and dont engage with her at all. Dont speak with her, dont argue, dont try to appease her. Just ignore her as if she doesnt exist. Anything you say to her will be used as ammunition for a fight/argument so withdraw yourself from her and her ability to argue.

This will no doubt enrage her and she'll have a tantrum. Let her. The world isnt going to end just because she's pissed off. You won't win this because she's clearly quite mad so you cannot reason with her using logic like you can with most people. Google the "grey rock" technique and go with that, but dont give her any kind of emotional reaction as thats what she wants, thats what she's looking for.

In the meantime I would consider moving if it gets really bad. Life is too short for this BS day in day out.

MimiLaRue · 28/01/2020 21:49

Also, be aware that if you complain to the council about her, you will have to declare this when you sell the house. So i'd keep that as a last resort as it might put others off buying your property

Trudij123 · 28/01/2020 22:15

“ Then tell her you will no longer be entertaining her outrageous demands and if she makes the mistake of bothering you again, not only will you tell her to fuck all the way off but you will buy a large dog and teach it to crap only her land and bark at all hours.”

Get a large dog AND A PACK OF BADGERS ;)

She’s a cow. I’m firmly in the tell her to fuck off and keep going because Fuck Off town, FuckUopia is very peaceful

SistersOfPercy · 28/01/2020 22:19

Just FYI

You can encourage badgers with peanut butter sandwiches. They are also partial to jam and sliced ham. They will refuse quorn based sandwich filings and actually look quite disgusted that you had the temerity to offer them bitter voice of experience

thecatsabsentcojones · 28/01/2020 22:21

We had utterly insane neighbours a few years ago. We tried to be reasonable but it just escalated. The best thing we ever did was to move, whatever you do don’t report this nutcase because then you need to declare it, just stick the For Sale sign up and leave this twat behind.

Gbtch · 28/01/2020 22:34

Tell her you do not wish to engage with her as you find her aggressive. If she wants to communicate again you will be happy to give her your solicitors details. Communications can thereafter be between solicitors.
That’ll shut the f*er up.

123bananas · 28/01/2020 22:47

We had similar batshittery with our neighbours. DH eventually told them not to bother coming round as we would be continuing to live our lives as normal people with children do i.e. letting them play quietly in the garden on weekends. They now are civil and don't bother harassing us. Stand your ground.

Seashells106 · 28/01/2020 22:55

Either move or slap the door in her face next time she knocks. You will never please this horrible woman, this must be a terrible situation for u and ur family. Tell her to fuck off !!!

SmilingChinaCat · 28/01/2020 23:05

Close the door in her face. Although when I did that once, the woman came back screaming, and just got worse.
Quite mad..still think of her now, walking up the cul de sac in her gleaming white towelling dressing gown, with huge glass of red wine in hand.
I’m sure she thought that was quite normal 😳

Hsldl · 28/01/2020 23:13

Look at her like she's just grown a second head and walk inside your house or slowly shut the door on her every time she tries to start something with you. She's unhinged, start letting her know she is.

Fuzzywig · 28/01/2020 23:29

I thought the standard response was “oh do fuck off dear” in an exasperated tone.

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