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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I?

244 replies

Ladyrill5 · 26/01/2020 22:56

Looking for some advice on the following:

I’ve lived in my property for four years and moved in when I was pregnant with my first child. Within a few days/weeks of moving in, a few neighbours complained about parking. Most of the issues were that they didn’t want us to park on the public street outside their houses as they did - ridiculous as any taxed car can park there but we had a specific issue with parking with our next door neighbours.

We live in an end terrace and have an allocated parking space outside our house. The parking space is shared with these neighbours but can comfortably park three cars. They have one car, we have another. When I was 6 months pregnant. Our neighbour came round and started shouting at me as someone was parked in her space and she couldn’t get out of her garage. It transpired that the car belonged to her other adjoining neighbour who were desperately trying to get their 90 odd year old mother from the front door to the car. She did shout at them but said she had unfinished business with me.

A day or two later, she came round to discuss her issues. She said that she found me to be incredibly rude as I’d assumed the middle space was shared between us (it is) but she doesn’t want anyone parking there. She acknowledged that the parking that day, in her space, had nothing to do with me but still thought we were taking liberties by letting guests park in the middle. I apologised as I hadn’t meant to cause upset and we agreed to share it.

Since then, they’ve complained that our joiner left dust in the cracks of the pavement after he’d swept up after himself and insisted my OH sprays down the pavement with water, which we have. They’ve complained about our surround sound TV - we’ve turned it right down. They’ve complained our shared fence post bends into their garden, we’ve tried to mend it. They’ve complained about music being played during the day (not loud) but we’ve switched it off immediately. We never make household noise between the hours of 9-7am. We try to be as considerate as possible but the one thing we can’t help are the noises our children are making. We have a 3 and a half year old daughter and a 6 month old son.

Last year, she complained that our daughter, then 2 screams a lot. I asked her to clarify and she said that this wasn’t crying or tantrum screams but excited screams during the day. A combination of me trying to teach her not to and her just naturally growing out of it.

Today, my auntie was visiting and on returning from a meal out, my auntie arrived home first. She parked a little too far over to let me get the baby seat out and had said she’d move the car once he was out but unfortunately, my neighbour returned home from a weekend away and was fuming.

She collared me immediately and said it’s about time we had a chat about noise levels again. She said that my daughter had finally stopped with the screaming and when I said that I do try to get the kids to keep the noise down, she responded by saying that she chose not to have children so why should she have to listen to noise from mine. It just so happens that whilst she was away her lodger had been making so much noise that my daughter thought someone had broken in which I did mention but I’ve come away feeling very anxious about it all. I’ve recently been diagnosed with post-natal anxiety following my son being hospitalised, amongst other things (he’s fine now). I feel I should point out that most nights my children sleep 7.30-7.30 and have since 8 and 10 weeks old. It’s rare we have a bad night. I also feel that on all other matters of complaint, we’ve bent over backwards to accommodate her. I know she’ll come round in a few days and I’m at a loss as what else I can say to her. Any thoughts or advice would be welcomed.

OP posts:
Potentialmadcatlady · 27/01/2020 09:05

Hmmm my neighbour is like this and has been gradually ramping up his behaviour. The last time he spoke to me about some nonsense to do with my bin being out for collection I said ‘I’m sorry but that is enough. I don’t want to fall out with you but I’m not taking this anymore. You are in the wrong and I’m not listen now’
He was shocked and went on and on and on and I literally kept saying the same thing over and over again back at him.
So far it has worked and I have had peace for about a month now. Next time he comes round I’m not answering the door. If he tries to talk to me in the street when I’m going in/out I just nod and keep walking.

Mollychristmas · 27/01/2020 09:06

She is walking all over you because you are allowing her to.

I know it’s hard but you really have to stop trying to accommodate her now.

Just shut her down each and every time.

You need to stand up for yourself and your DC, it’s not nice for them to feel like they are treading on eggshells in their own home.

The behaviour from your neighbour will get worse the more you allow it to continue and try to appease her.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/01/2020 09:08

Seriously next time she knocks just say "Rita I have waited four years to say this -Fuck off you annoying bitch, fuck off and live on a private property in the middle of nowhere if you want silence, but wherever you fuck, fuck off from my front door, never knock in it again and leave me & my family alone"

I've just read this.

Superb response from CalmdownJanet

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/01/2020 09:21

Next time just throat punch her and calmly walk back back inside

And then deny everything to the police.

There is an army of MNers who will swear on a copy of Marie Knodo that you were sitting quietly indoors with them, having a coffee and speaking in whispers so that we didn't disturb her, when she came to the door, hammering on it and waking the baby, and then when you answered she shrieked like a banshee and struck herself repeatedly in the throat.

We could barely believe our eyes!!!

We had thought Ladyrill was exaggerating about her neighbour, but if anything we realised that she had played down the batshit.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/01/2020 09:22

Marie Knodo, not Marie Knodo, but if there's a copy of that in existence, we'll swear n that as well.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/01/2020 09:24

*Kondo, autocorrect you bastard!

KONDO!!!!!

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 27/01/2020 09:25

I'd send her to speak to your DH in future, bet it stops then. That or literally blank her - if you don't react and don't pander to her, she'll get bored eventually when she sees you're taking no notice of her.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 27/01/2020 09:25

I would not be able to help myself though.. I'd be asking why she doesn't live in a detached house Grin

DogInATent · 27/01/2020 09:39

She's pushing the boundaries, and it's time you pushed back. Don't shout, don't swear, but above all don't be apologetic. Be firm,
"No, there is nothing to discuss about noise levels. I have no interest in talking to you about these subjects. Goodbye."

Jellybeansincognito · 27/01/2020 09:44

Next time she moans tell her you’re starting to feel harassed and if she can not handle neighbour noise she should go and buy herself a nice detached house somewhere.

& please stop treading on eggshells in your own home.
Ignore her.
She cannot do shit!

MapMyMum · 27/01/2020 09:46

I'd go so far as to tell her to log a complaint about noise levels if she really thinks you're that bad. And if your dc are asleep as you say and the worst you are doing is putting your washing machine on at 8pm then they will tell her it is nonsense

ASundayWellSpent · 27/01/2020 09:51

She sounds nuts. Agree, its time to woman up and take her down a few notches. Start by telling her to go buy a detached house on a hill-top if she doesn't want to be affected by other peoples children, cars etc

dimdarkashian · 27/01/2020 09:54

Don't have any advice OP but totally sympathise. It's awful living like that. I had really shitty neighbours and moved at the end of November, so much happier now. Hope things get better for you soon.

longwayoff · 27/01/2020 09:56

Stop apologising. If she speaks to you, don't respond. Don't worry about appearing rude, she doesn't. She's just found a willing victim and won't stop. Blank her.

workffs · 27/01/2020 09:59

Another one for telling her to f off - who does she think she is?! Stand up for yourself OP.

jackstini · 27/01/2020 10:05

Loving that response @mathanxiety !
'I don't have time for your nonsense today'

Agree you should keep detailed notes but just bat her off every time

  • I'm not discussing this with you
  • This is your issue not mine
  • I think you need to check laws on harassment...
etc. etc.

Then walk away

Crimeismymiddlename · 27/01/2020 10:06

She’s picking on you as she can sense that your post natal anxiety is making you an easy mark for her, that and the fact you have done everything she has told you to do so far. The easiest way for you and your husband to deal with it would be to carry on living and if she has an issue with it just brush her off-for example she rants about your children, tell her if she needs to she could contact the local council and refuse to engage. You will find she has been like this with all the people on the street and they just ignore her she now she is on to you. And maybe if you are feeling brave call the police next time she goes away and the lodger sounds like they have broken in-you would only be doing you neighbourly duty after all!

Bluetrews25 · 27/01/2020 10:14

OP, do you own or rent?
If you own, you have to disclose any neighbour disputes when you sell.
So maybe only threaten to report for harrassment, and document everything, but maybe stop at that? Unless it carries on.
Agreed she needs to live in a detached house on a private road.....or a retirement flat. where she will have to deal with tvs on way too loud due to the watcher being deaf

corcaithecat · 27/01/2020 10:20

Next time she starts on you, don’t talk to her and drop whatever you’re holding (bar the baby obvs.), and scream loudly in her face. A few seconds should do it.
Give her a real shock.
Then calmly turn around and go back indoors without saying a word.

Become Psycho Lady, that should sort her!

A good scream is very cleansing too. Grin

bluebella4 · 27/01/2020 10:21

Sorry but she's a bully! You need to stop being submissive and put your foot down.

This very unfair and you can't live conformable in your own home. You need to start setting your own boundaries. An tell her she will be not calling the shots no more!!

Also, your poor daughter. She is a child for God's sake!

JosefKeller · 27/01/2020 10:26

If you had to take action and change your level of noise every time, it sounds like she had a point. Shame she had to repeatedly complain for you to start behaving as a considerate neighbour.
So YABU

Keeping the noise at a normal level is not being accommodating!
Same for fixing fence.

It's not a black and white situation is it.

UYScuti · 27/01/2020 10:27

Punch her in the throat
(Not really)

UYScuti · 27/01/2020 10:29

I agree that she is deliberately bullying you, she likes being in control, you need to to shut her down but be strategic and subtle and it should be easy to out manoeuvre her ...then again it's never good to have disputes with people who are right on your doorstep😖

3rdchristmaslucky · 27/01/2020 10:30

Honestly, tell her to fuck off.
Put in a complaint about her harassing you.
Give her your email address and refuse to speak to her face to face, then you have a paper trail of her behaviour.
Make your complaints back to her in writing too.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 27/01/2020 10:30

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