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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I?

244 replies

Ladyrill5 · 26/01/2020 22:56

Looking for some advice on the following:

I’ve lived in my property for four years and moved in when I was pregnant with my first child. Within a few days/weeks of moving in, a few neighbours complained about parking. Most of the issues were that they didn’t want us to park on the public street outside their houses as they did - ridiculous as any taxed car can park there but we had a specific issue with parking with our next door neighbours.

We live in an end terrace and have an allocated parking space outside our house. The parking space is shared with these neighbours but can comfortably park three cars. They have one car, we have another. When I was 6 months pregnant. Our neighbour came round and started shouting at me as someone was parked in her space and she couldn’t get out of her garage. It transpired that the car belonged to her other adjoining neighbour who were desperately trying to get their 90 odd year old mother from the front door to the car. She did shout at them but said she had unfinished business with me.

A day or two later, she came round to discuss her issues. She said that she found me to be incredibly rude as I’d assumed the middle space was shared between us (it is) but she doesn’t want anyone parking there. She acknowledged that the parking that day, in her space, had nothing to do with me but still thought we were taking liberties by letting guests park in the middle. I apologised as I hadn’t meant to cause upset and we agreed to share it.

Since then, they’ve complained that our joiner left dust in the cracks of the pavement after he’d swept up after himself and insisted my OH sprays down the pavement with water, which we have. They’ve complained about our surround sound TV - we’ve turned it right down. They’ve complained our shared fence post bends into their garden, we’ve tried to mend it. They’ve complained about music being played during the day (not loud) but we’ve switched it off immediately. We never make household noise between the hours of 9-7am. We try to be as considerate as possible but the one thing we can’t help are the noises our children are making. We have a 3 and a half year old daughter and a 6 month old son.

Last year, she complained that our daughter, then 2 screams a lot. I asked her to clarify and she said that this wasn’t crying or tantrum screams but excited screams during the day. A combination of me trying to teach her not to and her just naturally growing out of it.

Today, my auntie was visiting and on returning from a meal out, my auntie arrived home first. She parked a little too far over to let me get the baby seat out and had said she’d move the car once he was out but unfortunately, my neighbour returned home from a weekend away and was fuming.

She collared me immediately and said it’s about time we had a chat about noise levels again. She said that my daughter had finally stopped with the screaming and when I said that I do try to get the kids to keep the noise down, she responded by saying that she chose not to have children so why should she have to listen to noise from mine. It just so happens that whilst she was away her lodger had been making so much noise that my daughter thought someone had broken in which I did mention but I’ve come away feeling very anxious about it all. I’ve recently been diagnosed with post-natal anxiety following my son being hospitalised, amongst other things (he’s fine now). I feel I should point out that most nights my children sleep 7.30-7.30 and have since 8 and 10 weeks old. It’s rare we have a bad night. I also feel that on all other matters of complaint, we’ve bent over backwards to accommodate her. I know she’ll come round in a few days and I’m at a loss as what else I can say to her. Any thoughts or advice would be welcomed.

OP posts:
Nomel · 26/01/2020 23:15

Start complaining every time she makes noise. Also she’s not in charge here “we need to talk about noise” she’s not your boss don’t let her bully you.

Sparklingbrook · 26/01/2020 23:15

Who are you addressing @mummyhatesfortnite?

OrchidJewel · 26/01/2020 23:16

Nuts, don't answer the door, walk away if she comes near you

Frenchw1fe · 26/01/2020 23:22

The problem is you're complying with her unreasonable demands. I'm all for good neighbours but seriously stand in front of a mirror and practice saying 'oh please fuck
off with your endless whining. '
And then at the appropriate time say it to her.

CalmdownJanet · 26/01/2020 23:23

Seriously next time she knocks just say "Rita I have waited four years to say this -Fuck off you annoying bitch, fuck off and live on a private property in the middle of nowhere if you want silence, but wherever you fuck, fuck off from my front door, never knock in it again and leave me & my family alone"

Ceebs85 · 26/01/2020 23:26

She's bullying you. I'm just like you and hate confrontation, am a people pleaser and at first would have done some of the things you're doing but there has to be a line.

She needs standing up to. If I were you I'd write down some of the complaints you have about her, specific examples and practice saying them again and again. Maybe initiate the conversation yourself to ensure you get out the things you want to say?

Agree with not letting her get away with just talking to you either, you live with another grown adult. There's a reason she's only engaging with you.

AmelieTaylor · 26/01/2020 23:29

I think ‘fuck off’ shoukd do it nicely.

Honestly, stop bending over backwards and making yourself ill over this daft bat.

If she wants complete silence she needs to live in a detached property -nowhere near any animals.

If you live in a terraced property you willhave neighbours, and they are entitled to live as they wish in their homes (within council rules).

What she wants is irrelevant.

Sawdust in the gaps in the pavement, whatever else...it’s the slippery slope to leaves and rainwater joining in🙄🤣. The pair if you should have told her not to be so ridiculous!

2yo being happy & excited...🤷🏻‍♀️

The parking space is NOT hers, just get her told.

WhatsTheLatest · 26/01/2020 23:30

I think she was being sarky @Sparklingbrook!!

You sound lovely OP but enough is enough. Turn you noise levels to what you want them to be. I was like this, worrying about noise, when my kids were little until my sister told me if people lived on a housing estate they should expect noise.

As a PP said, if she doesn't like it then move to a detached. Yes more expensive, but either she can either pay more for total quiet or shut up!

BettyAll1 · 26/01/2020 23:30

We have childless neighbours that complain about our children and other noises like flapping blinds in the wind and the sound of our quiet washing machine being used at 8pm. What I want to say to them is “fck off and go live in a detached house you miserable fckers, don’t live in a terraced house if you don’t like the sound of other people living”. What I actually say is “I’m so sorry we’ll try and be quieter”. It’s impossible to win with difficult neighbours and they sound like the more you push back the crazier they’ll get. Good luck.

Kristinem77 · 26/01/2020 23:30

What did your auntie make of her?
Sounds like she's taking advantage of your timid nature.

Twofurrycatsagain · 26/01/2020 23:34

I've come across these type of neighbours before. I wouldn't bother getting into a tit for tat your lodger made a noise/your child made a noise conversation as it feeds them to keep going. If what you are doing is what any reasonable neighbour would consider normal just carry on. And counter everything she says with 'that's the nature of living in a terrace'.

Sparklingbrook · 26/01/2020 23:34

Ah ok @WhatsTheLatest, I was thinking they had the wrong thread or something. Confused Grin

Or even that the neighbour had turned up.

MotherOfDragonite · 26/01/2020 23:34

Honestly, I would move before this becomes a situation that escalates -- you then have to declare it to potential buyers if official complaints have been made etc.

She sounds nuts; it's just not worth it...

SnugStars · 26/01/2020 23:42

I totally agree with all the other posters saying totally ignore her, or tell her you’re not prepared to listen to her moaning anymore.
Please don’t let her make you feel any more anxious, she’s irrelevant and is being ridiculous!

Oldishusernewname · 26/01/2020 23:42

Stop apologising OP, park where the hell you want to as long as it's legal, PLEASE let your children make normal child noises! The more concessions you make the more this CF will push you.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 26/01/2020 23:46

Your neighbour is a fucking fruit loop. I would tell her next time she complains about something, that her behaviour is tantamount to bullying and that you have bent over backwards to accommodate all her unreasonable demands, but that you will no longer tolerate her batshit behaviour. After that just don't engage and ignore her when she knocks or starts talking, blank her.

Cloudsandrainbows · 26/01/2020 23:47

Don't give her the time of day. You've done nothing wrong. If she honestly thinks there is a problem she can report it to the authorities in the future. Don't be polite, be blunt and to the point, don't invite her in, let her say her piece of she insists, defend yourself and leave it at that! If she continues report her for harassment

Daftodil · 26/01/2020 23:49

You are her neighbour, not her child. You don't have to listen to her and don't have to justify yourself or what your family do/don't do in your own home. Tell her you don't have time for this and close the door.

You could also have a read of this (particularly the part about causing anxiety/distress): www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2020 23:52

Next time she comes over look her straight in the eye and say:

‘I’ve had enough. You are a bully and you will stop your harassment or I will be going to the police. This is my home and I’m not going anywhere so either deal with it or fuck off’ and close the door.

Keep a note of all the times she’s behaved like this. She’s an utter arsehole and you need to stop her.

Jessie9323 · 26/01/2020 23:54

I 100% agree with everyone saying she is unreasonable so don't take this the wrong way at all but is your tv on the adjoining wall?
We have a semi and our neighbours tv is on the wall that joins our house and we can hear it all the time, it's not even that he has it loud but that the sound comes out the back off the telly and straight into our front room which then travels up the wall into our bedroom. It can be really frustrating as we go to bed at 9pm and he sits up watching telly till late.

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 26/01/2020 23:55

Just say ok and walk away but do not change your behaviour for this horrible woman. What can she do?

kittie01 · 26/01/2020 23:56

Don’t engage with her. She should have bought a house in the middle of no where.

NoProblem123 · 26/01/2020 23:57

She’s bullying you. Who does she think she is !
Either tell her to jog on or stop engaging (or both Grin)

Just think what her poor lodger has to put up withConfused

Grumpelstilskin · 26/01/2020 23:57

Time to woman the fuck up and tell her to stop being a bullying bitch!

Chocmallows · 26/01/2020 23:59

I wonder if she is just a nasty person regardless of what you do. I have a neighbour who continually complains to the business owner behind our houses but he isn't doing anything wrong, but then if you talk with her, she thinks pretty much everything is wrong in the world.

Rather than 'feed' her venting try nodding, looking bored, saying "oh I see" on repeat and then promise nothing, say you have things to do. Grey rock her. Cross fingers for you she moves.