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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I?

244 replies

Ladyrill5 · 26/01/2020 22:56

Looking for some advice on the following:

I’ve lived in my property for four years and moved in when I was pregnant with my first child. Within a few days/weeks of moving in, a few neighbours complained about parking. Most of the issues were that they didn’t want us to park on the public street outside their houses as they did - ridiculous as any taxed car can park there but we had a specific issue with parking with our next door neighbours.

We live in an end terrace and have an allocated parking space outside our house. The parking space is shared with these neighbours but can comfortably park three cars. They have one car, we have another. When I was 6 months pregnant. Our neighbour came round and started shouting at me as someone was parked in her space and she couldn’t get out of her garage. It transpired that the car belonged to her other adjoining neighbour who were desperately trying to get their 90 odd year old mother from the front door to the car. She did shout at them but said she had unfinished business with me.

A day or two later, she came round to discuss her issues. She said that she found me to be incredibly rude as I’d assumed the middle space was shared between us (it is) but she doesn’t want anyone parking there. She acknowledged that the parking that day, in her space, had nothing to do with me but still thought we were taking liberties by letting guests park in the middle. I apologised as I hadn’t meant to cause upset and we agreed to share it.

Since then, they’ve complained that our joiner left dust in the cracks of the pavement after he’d swept up after himself and insisted my OH sprays down the pavement with water, which we have. They’ve complained about our surround sound TV - we’ve turned it right down. They’ve complained our shared fence post bends into their garden, we’ve tried to mend it. They’ve complained about music being played during the day (not loud) but we’ve switched it off immediately. We never make household noise between the hours of 9-7am. We try to be as considerate as possible but the one thing we can’t help are the noises our children are making. We have a 3 and a half year old daughter and a 6 month old son.

Last year, she complained that our daughter, then 2 screams a lot. I asked her to clarify and she said that this wasn’t crying or tantrum screams but excited screams during the day. A combination of me trying to teach her not to and her just naturally growing out of it.

Today, my auntie was visiting and on returning from a meal out, my auntie arrived home first. She parked a little too far over to let me get the baby seat out and had said she’d move the car once he was out but unfortunately, my neighbour returned home from a weekend away and was fuming.

She collared me immediately and said it’s about time we had a chat about noise levels again. She said that my daughter had finally stopped with the screaming and when I said that I do try to get the kids to keep the noise down, she responded by saying that she chose not to have children so why should she have to listen to noise from mine. It just so happens that whilst she was away her lodger had been making so much noise that my daughter thought someone had broken in which I did mention but I’ve come away feeling very anxious about it all. I’ve recently been diagnosed with post-natal anxiety following my son being hospitalised, amongst other things (he’s fine now). I feel I should point out that most nights my children sleep 7.30-7.30 and have since 8 and 10 weeks old. It’s rare we have a bad night. I also feel that on all other matters of complaint, we’ve bent over backwards to accommodate her. I know she’ll come round in a few days and I’m at a loss as what else I can say to her. Any thoughts or advice would be welcomed.

OP posts:
Muddyfunker · 28/01/2020 23:40

Tell her to go fuck herself sideways.

Hollyhobbi · 29/01/2020 00:26

Haven't read every reply but the one thing I'm really wondering about is this: how does the lodger put up with her?!!! I'm also surprised she can put up with a lodger.

angelfacecuti75 · 29/01/2020 02:05

Say "The noise levels are not that unreasonable and are normal with a child. The things you've complained about are unreasonable though, often, such as a joiner leaving dust in the cracks in the pavement after he'd swept up. I'd urge you to be more tolerant and reasonable, as I and my husband have been more than accommodating to your requests , but I am not shouting in the street or playing music until the early hours of the morning , and I live here too. It feels like its bordering on harassment and I'd urge you to be more lenient or I'll have to contact police and inform my landlord about these unreasonable requests. "

Mypathtriedtokillme · 29/01/2020 02:21

“When I moved in I thought my neighbour wouldn’t be a cunt but then I met you.
We both have our burdens to bear.”
Said in the sweetest normal voice you can muster then just walk away.

RibenaMonsoon · 29/01/2020 06:40

I had a neighbor complaint about my 3 year old and newborn DD once. Baby was crying for a feed and 3 year old DS was crying as he hadn't managed to wipe his bum properly. The usual fun scenario with 2 young children. Middle of the day, I had 3 hours sleep and was in no mood for her that day.
The best response I can recommend
"Of course yes, I'll just press the mute button on them for you. Oh of course.... Sorry they dont seem to come with one. Perhaps it's a design flaw, anyway have a lovely day"

She never knocked again.

I hope you sort her out, she sounds like a nightmare. Don't give into that crap. There are certain noises with children that, try as you may, you just can't help. She obviously doesn't understand that having chosen not to have them herself.
Tell her to move to timbuktu, crazy witch!

ivykaty44 · 29/01/2020 08:07

Much better if your neighbor had knocked and offered to take one dc for a walk to feed to duck or to the park, or just push baby round the block a few times in the pram

MrsBadcrumble123 · 29/01/2020 08:18

@CalmdownJanet if you start swearing then you could be arrested for threatening behaviour so yes I agree be firm in telling her that you are no longer interested in hearing her complain and if she doesn’t stop you will be giving your records of her harassment to the police/a solicitor

Bearhorn · 29/01/2020 10:22

OP I feel horrible for you. This was triggering for me! My family and I moved to a rental for eight months while our was house was being renovated. I chose a very nice, over-budget flat in a good area because I wanted us to enjoy the experience, not spend the whole time wishing we could move back home.

We had two lovely days in our lovely temporary home. And then we met the couple downstairs. HORRIFIC.

We were virtually told we couldn't breathe in our own home. The stress of living so close to people who spent their entire loves finding things to complain about and then complaining in the most charmless, arrogant way was awful.

But at the end of it all we knew we would leave and go home and they would be gone from our lives.

In retrospect, I wish I hadn't been so nice and accommodating to our neighbours from hell. In my head I replay the whole thing and wish I'd been more honest with them, ie; 'you are the most unpleasant people I've ever met in my life, you're making me miserable and ill, I feel sorry for you that this is how you choose to live your lives and I feel sorry for the next people who come to live in this flat. If you hate having neighbours so much, then sell your smart central London flat and go and buy something detached in the countryside where you can keep your poisonous to yourselves.'

I don't have an answer for you OP. I just feel your pain.

jwpetal · 29/01/2020 11:41

You have the support of this group. Most importantly is to stand for yourself. She is being unreasonable and you can't make your children be quiet all the time. what are you going to do in the summer? lock your kids up? Believe in yourself as acting in your family's best interest. If she has a problem with noise she can contact the council, who will know what kind of person she is. good luck and get strong.

blessedday · 29/01/2020 12:02

She's a nutter and a bully. The more you try to accommodate her batshit ideas, the more she'll target you I'm afraid. You have to stand up for yourself and do it at the next opportunity.

Tell her you've had enough of her intimidating behaviour. Tell her you will live in your house and use your garden and parking spaces however you like and if she doesn't like it she will have to move. Tell her you refuse to be intimidated or bullied anymore and you will report her if she tries it on again.

I had a very similar situation with my next door neighbours when we moved in. The husband actually let himself into my garden one hot summer's day and screamed at my children who were playing in the paddling pool. I was so gobsmacked I was literally lost for words. But then I got angry and thought 'fuck 'em'. We're not loud, rude or anti-social people and I refused to be bullied by two childless people who, if they want absolute peace and quiet, can go and live in the middle of nowhere if they like. They have got the message.

Alfiemoon1 · 29/01/2020 12:28

She sounds like my neighbour who constantly comes round if the dog barks once yet she belts out music screams at her kids constantly her own dogs bark and howl all day when she’s out I always thought I was a confident person but I always end up apologising and never mention her noise she always catches me off guard like standing yelling at me at my car door in her pjs when I am rushing off to work first thing in the morning

cannockcandy · 29/01/2020 14:01

Firstly I'd speak to the other neighbours about her. Then I would get online and print off legislation regarding household noise and parking pm public highways. The next time she comes knocking, hand her a copy of that info and inform her that if she darkens your door again you will have no choice but to report her for harassment. Xx

Bazbear · 29/01/2020 14:28

She sounds absolutely awful and must lead a very sad life!! I would definitely stop taking this shit from here, if you are not comfortable telling her where to go I would definitely send the OH round to put her in her place!

Ilovepinot · 29/01/2020 14:44

You are being bullied OP, tell her to complain to the council if she has a problem you won't be discussing it further
www.westoxon.gov.uk/residents/environment/noise-other-nuisances/

5zeds · 29/01/2020 14:55

I think go vague. Just stare gently over her shoulder and say

“That must be difficult”
“Mmmm”
“I see”
“Really?”
“Fuck off you old troll”...ok not that one.

Shut the door and carry on. She’s horrible. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Breeze on by.

FaveNumberIs2 · 29/01/2020 19:17

Tell her to fuck off, then close the door. Totally ignore her, don’t even look at her or acknowledge that she’s there.

If she badgers you, harasses you, yells at you, complains at you, anything, call the police and tell them you are being unreasonably harassed by a neighbour.

Malbecfan · 29/01/2020 19:51

It's a shame your DC are so young because if I was in your situation my kids would be learning the trumpet, drums or bagpipes (I teach music).

You are being bullied and this neighbour is deliberately targeting you. Whilst as a gobshite northerner, I would have no hesitation in telling someone to Fuck off to the far side of fuck then fuck off some more, I suggest simply recording her on your phone, not saying anything then shutting the door. By refusing to engage, you retain the moral high ground. Recording her will be good evidence should you need it.

When I bought my first house, many many years ago, I lived next door to a batshit old woman. She was the only person I've ever known to be banned from Tesco. She used to scream at all hours, once threatened me with a hammer, feed all the feral pigeons and cats so they crapped all over my yard and generally be awful. After a particularly annoying episode, I put my Queen CD on loudly and played along on a bass guitar badly with the amp turned up to the max against her wall. That bought me 3 months of peace & quiet from her and was a very cathartic experience. She died just after I moved out...

Holdencaulfieldshomeboy · 29/01/2020 19:58

She's a nutter. Don't move house! Just ignore her. You need to be more assertive with her, if you're being too nice she will see it as weakness. My NDN complained to me about a few things-theyre old, I'm s single mum-they obviously saw me as an easy target, unfortunately for them I was brought up by a very strong minded mother who taught me to take no crap from people, and I absolutely won't. I am polite and respectful but I stand my ground. They havent complained since I had stern words vanity her complaining my children were noisy-they were playing in their bedroom together at 5pm. It's a semi detached. You hear other people living. If you don't like that, move somewhere remote. Be strong OP. Stand up to her.Flowers

Everydayishistorytomorrow · 30/01/2020 16:11

Ignore her. Don't answer your door, hopefully she does.not have your number. Park where you want, you seen conscientious enough. If she tries to talk to you walk away and completely ignore her. She has a problem and you can't fix her mindset. You are inadvertently conditioning her to get her own way, every time to bend to her needs. She will just have to learn to adjust her sails. Buy a camera and if you can, point it to where you park your car and put an SD card in it. You never know.
She has some serious issues and you have to protect your family from the stress by not engaging.

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