To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

Oh and no time on the actual birth certificate

Multiples have the time on their BCs, presumably so there is no doubt who the title goes to if daddy is a Duke! They'd both have to be boys, of course.

My twins have never had any issue over their 17 minute gap (born by the traditional route as they obligingly moved headfirst in the last week's) except to joke about it sometimes. She was in line to be born first but he pushed her out of the way in the days before they were born.

What are you going to say to everyone who asks who is older?

How did you expect your kids to answer that question when a bazillion people ask them during their lives?

Why do people ask? It doesn’t matter.

I have older DD and then twins.

If anyone asks ‘who’s they oldest’ they all chime DD! And give them a funny look, as she’s obviously the eldest. They all think this is funny and the person asking looks embarrassed.

It’s honestly no ones business.

My girls know their birth order and they joke about it, but it’s never caused any issues. It would be utterly bizarre to pretend not to know imo

Plus unless you switch the way you sign cards or address them people will assume the first one mentioned (eg From Mumsname, Dadsname, Molly and Sue) is the elder one

I didn't tell my twins for a long time and I think it was good for them not to know. When they were older too many people started asking them who was the oldest and I gave in, but to be honest, I still kind of regret it. It's not a big thing between them, but they struggling with being a twin sometimes and not knowing who is 'older' somehow levelled the playing field a bit.

Thanks @LookToTreblesGoingTreblesGone. There is not even a space for it on any birth certificates I've seen and I assumed multiples had the same kind of birth certificate. Well, you know what they say, 'to assume makes an ass out of you and me'.

All these people saying they have a right to know their time of birth - I have no idea what time of day I was born as my mum tells me she can’t remember. Definitely morning (she thinks) but she wasn’t clock watching at the time!

I have never, ever, heard anyone say an elder twin should know better because they’re two mins older.

Saying an older sibling should know better when they’re 2 years older, maybe...

OP, in the nicest possible way, you are bonkers.

I'm glad you've checked their birth certificates and can see that the time is recorded.

I have adult twins, and can safely say that your idea to keep their birth order secret sounded crazy. Seriously!! When people say "you're older so should know better", it's a joke - because their births will usually only be minutes apart.

I would be more concerned with ensuring that you and your family treat your children as individuals, and don't treat them as one unit. Dress them differently, and don't call them "twins".

My brother and sister are twins (now in their 30s). Brother was born 20 mins before sister. He likes to say 'When I was your age...' and tell her what he was doing 20 mins ago. She says 'When I'm as old as you I'm going to...' and tell him what she's going to do in 20 mins. Both funny.

Twins have the time of birth on their birth certificates in England for inheritance reasons. I only found that out when we registered the birth of our twins. Twin one dies take great pride in being six minutes older - but she is five and it’s just fun to her. Twin 2 doesn’t care.

*does not dies.

Op are they identical and we're they similar weights?

Well tell our twisn that C is older by 4 minutes but will also tell them honestly that during those first few weeks we have no idea if we got them muddled up. Identical twins born 2oz apart who were identical weights by day 10. Had one had a dodgy test result come back in those first few weeks I'd have demanded they retested both as I hoenstly cannot confirm which body exited mine first.

So

Oh C is older by 4 minutes but I'm not sure which one of you was C when you were first born!

my mum didn't tell my sisters until they were teens and it was a spooky reversal of roles once she did. Would not have believed it until I saw it and the older one lords it over the younger to this day, decades later

My brother and sister are twins (now in their 30s). Brother was born 20 mins before sister. He likes to say 'When I was your age...' and tell her what he was doing 20 mins ago. She says 'When I'm as old as you I'm going to...' and tell him what she's going to do in 20 mins. Both funny.

My girls do that. DD1 will say “When I was your age...” and DD2 will ask “DD1, back in your day did...?” It’s exactly the same as any other sibling joking, but funnier because there is a whole 4 minutes between them

My mum is a twin born in the 1930's and a lot was made of the birth order, especially by the older twin . It blighted their lives, with an older/younger dynamic making the whole relationship unequal, with the younger twin compensating by being the 'favourite'. This went on to the grave. Miserable.

But dire warning aside, I don't think it matters if you tell them so long as you don't make anything of it, or let it be an issue. My thought would be to wait until they are well past the natural sibling rivaly stage. If anyone asks you can just say it isn't important.

I have identical twin siblings, I’ve never, ever heard them (or my parents) talk about whose older/cleverer/should know better in all their 45 years on this Earth!

Their birth certs have their time of birth on them?!

How?! I never remembered what time DC3 was born??

It could actually be relevant if one is mentioned in the other’s will and they both die in the same accident god forbid, the “eldest” is legally considered to have passed away first so it affects inheritances. But that doesn’t really affect them but it still needs to be possible to establish the order.

@SayNoToCarrots

It's one if those "well, you live and learn" things isn't it 😁
Every day's a school day..

My ex and his twin sibling used to have actual fist fights over who was the eldest and who was the 'little brother' but then again, they are both batshit. Their mum said once 'you're the same fucking age!'

Thank you for all the considered answers. @justsomethingred it was nice hearing from someone with experience of initially not telling.

My in laws are the type to make a big deal of it. My MIL has already declared that one is the “brains” and the other will be the “brawn”.

I had a thread about this exact thing ten years ago. Everyone seemed to think I was crazy for not telling anyone who asked which one was older, but it felt strange to say one was older when there were mere minutes in it. My older twin is taller, heavier, more talkative and social so I was partly avoiding adding another first to his list of many. I never planned to keep it from them, so they eventually asked last year. Previously if questioned who was older they'd reply "We're twins!!" In fact, still do. Don't regret my choice to keep it from strangers who asked (about twice a day).

Seriously do the birth certs really have the time on them?!

@SleepingStandingUp one was 3 pounds heavier than the other at birth. They are non identical so they have never been mixed up.