To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

Honestly think there's a bit of humour when twins talk about one being a few minutes older & more responsible! It's just a bit of fun between siblings & really nothing to bother about.
It's ultimately your decision but it sounds like you could be overthinking it. They'll be sure to ask you one day, is it really so bad for them to know?

The bizarre thing is that if you had given birth to them vaginally, they very well could have been born on a different order

And who knows if you've mixed them up once or back again since birth?

I don't think you need to make a big deal of it at all. Blacksack makes a good point

Do the birth certificates have different times on? Have you checked yet?

We have refused to tell our families their birth order because we worried that they would assign age roles to them e.g. you should know better because you are the eldest.

We thought that they would tell everyone the truth that they didn’t know.

Just tell them. For all you know Twin A could be Twin B as how do you know that you've never mixed them up? There must be twins out there where Fred is growing up as Jim and Jim is growing up as Fred.

Is it really any different to the oldest had it harder than the younger child. Or the middle one was the forgotten one. Or any other versions of that all of which are in most families sibling banter.

Didn’t you keep their hospital bracelets?

Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins.

They’re JOKING. No one would actually believe that being 5 minutes older means anything.

"We have refused to tell our families their birth order because we worried that they would assign age roles to them e.g. you should know better because you are the eldest."

You're mad.

My twins are four and for a while we toyed with the idea of not telling them, but eventually it just came out naturally once their baby sister was born. They wanted to know how she came out, and then if that was the same way they came out. Yesterday they were telling me that one of them helped to push the other out. We’ve just kept it low-key and matter-of-fact, and it doesn’t seem to be a big deal for them. We’ve placed more emphasis on them being ‘special brothers’, since they were in my tummy at the same time, and that means they always have each other.

Are you seriously thinking that your relatives would treat the “older” twin differently? Expecting different things of them? No one in their right mind would do this!

My friends at uni we’re identical twins the oldest one (by 5minutes) would say when I was your age and then describe what she had done 5 minutes ago. It was funny.
When they ask I would tell them

As others have commented it will be on their birth certificate. We had twins born last month in our unit with different birthdays as one was born after midnight. Personally I think they have a right to know their time of birth and don't think it will harm their relationship with each other at all.

Seriously, what are you going to do when people ask you about who is eldest?

Teachers... neighbours...friends... Parents of friends....siblings...

How are you going to answer the kids when they ask?

What is their response going to be when they're asked by all and sundry?? Are you going to have a response for them??

Sorry but this is just odd. You refused to tell your family their birth order? You sound really over invested in this.

My twins are almost 2 and don't really give a crap about much except Peppa Pig and their toy trucks but when they are bigger of course I will tell them. It is part of their story, just like their big sister knows she was born at home etc.

I really mean no offence but do you think you might have a postnatal MH condition like postnatal anxiety?

Oh dear - honestly no one cares. It's just a bit of a joke for twins.

Time is not on any of the birth certificates in our family... all long certificates.

I don't think they need to know and I do think there can be a subtle effect on the twin dynamic sometimes. I probably wouldn't tell them if I could get away with it. Maybe make it an 18th birthday reveal

Also, with regard to family members, I doubt ours even remember the boys’ birth order. We told them at the time, but I really doubt they’ve thought about it since. It’s just not a big deal.

The dominant twin will always be the dominant one, regardless of birth order.

Just say they were pulled out together, holding on to each other. No one has to know any different 😁

Are you seriously thinking that your relatives would treat the “older” twin differently? Expecting different things of them? No one in their right mind would do this!

The law did. Especially when it came to inheritance and titles. It's why twins have their time of birth noted. There has to be a "first".

There was a story not that long ago where twins were born either side of the BST to GMT changeover. Meaning the first born was actually "younger" than their sibling ...

I have twin grandsons and they have always known which one is 5 minutes older. It is part of their birth stories how each one was born and they should know. I can't honestly remember it ever being a problem and they are 15 now.

I have never seen a time on a birth certificate. British birth certificates certainly do not have the time on them.

You are way overthinking this
Dtwins know who is older (5 years )
I have found that they will tease each other over anything

DS1 is currently offended that DS2 is taller

I think as wel the more you deflect/ don't tell them their curiosity will increase anyway and that in itself will create the issue