To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

Baby A and Baby B - they’ll know at some point from scan pics etc.,
They won't

I think you are making a small issue into a major one. Goodness knows how you will deal with class allocations or girlfriends!

I’m a twin (the older by 5 mins). Doesn’t make any difference to me, and surely if you’re born by C section it’s literally a matter of which one they reached first anyway? Xx

FFS tell them they were adopted!!!!!

@Hillary4 bizarre comment

Actually that’s not true. I have twins myself and a singleton baby and I can categorically say that ‘normal’ birth certificates don’t have the time on but they make an exception for twins and they always put the time on theirs.

As a twin mum myself I do think your over thinking this. It’s part of their identity and it’s the first thing that actually defines them as individuals. I also think if they are secure enough in themselves then it will be irrelevant anyway, other than the odd bit of banter! People are always curious about twins and I think they’ll look silly when they go to school if they can’t answer that question.

I'm a twin and the time is on our birth certificates, sister 10.20 and me 10.40 am. With twins there is often a more dominant character who likes to throw their weight around. My sister is loud and assertive, I'm quiet and yes, she would often say that as she was the oldest she knew better - talking bollocks as usual. If I remind her that the emptiest vessels make the most noise it soon shuts her up.

Competition between siblings is par for the course.

I think the only time it is important that twins know what order they were born in, is if they are heirs to a throne. But that causes complications , just read The Man in the Iron Mask.

My twins used to fight like cats and dogs but the one thing they never fought over was birth order. Maybe because it was written in stone or at least on the birth certificate so even they could not dispute it. Mind you this doesn't stop them disputing most other things.

ginger it’s not the norm on singular birth registration

When and if they ask, I'd make a game out of it, having them guess the order and by how much with some sort of reward for the closest. They'll bug you 'til they know anyway so just as well have some fun with it.

I think in your desire to 'not make a thing about it', you would inadvertently be making a thing about it. I'd just be open with them, but maybe also emphasise that one person being born a matter of minutes before another person doesn't add up to anything in the grand scheme of things.

You’re making it more than what it is.

I’m a twin, I was the first born by 5 mins. Do I care that I was born first, not really. Do I feel superior to my twin, nope.

At the end of the day, either one of us could have come first, it just so happened that I was at the bottom. We defo wouldn’t have been able to come out at the same time.

Just don’t sweat it.

I’m a twin, I was the first born by 5 mins. Do I care that I was born first, not really. Do I feel superior to my twin, nope

This isn’t about how the twins feel. It’s about how MIL perceives them to be and the attitude going forward.

I don’t think you’re overthinking it.

This has been an ‘issue’ for a friend who is a twin their whole life.

I wouldn’t tell.

@SleepingStandingUp I think they do quite like having separate birthdays, and we have celebrated on different days, one likes a plain sponge and the other chocolate so I bake different cakes and we sing to them on their actual birthdays.
This year will be the first time one has had their birthday on a school day and the other a Saturday so that will be interesting! But at least my daughter’s is on Friday which is her favourite school day. They’ve had a number of joint parties, held on a day that wasn’t either of their birthdays and some years I have done cinema trips where I take them on different days and take a few of their friends with them - it makes for a weekend of cinema trips for me and I had to see the same film twice one year, but they enjoyed it.
We’ve also let our son open one present on his sister’s birthday so that it isn’t such a wait for him, and I’m lucky he has the later birthday as he is happier to do so than his sister would have been! They do have an older sister so are familiar with a sibling having a birthday on a day when they don’t.

As a twin, the birth cirtificates will have their time of birth on, it's to ensure you know the oldest e.g. if the oldest son in a set of twins inherits the family title.

If the MiL is the problem then the OP needs to be a mother and sort that out. Not be ridiculous and not tell them who was bloody born first.

I'm a twin myself. I'm the eldest and yes I'm quite bossy. My sister relied on me too much and wouldn't make friends very easily. She was such a giver when we were kids. I'm not a mean person and of course we matured with age but if I could take this label off me of being the "older", I would. For my sake and hers. It affects our adult lives too. You are not overreacting but being caring. Whoever isn't a twin or has twin kids shouldn't have a say in this.

Also btw usually you can tell if vaginal or c-section based on how many minutes apart they are born. My boys 12 mins apart = vaginal my sisters twins 2 mins apart - c-section. Unless of course like my friend who had t1 vaginally amd t2 by c-section .... ouch!

Oh yes I've never thought about that, makes sense. Although I'm the same as your friend T1 vaginally and T2 50 mins later by c-section 😩 we always joke with him that he got stuck so had to come out the sunroof.

I couldn’t have hid who was the older from mine as they were born either side of midnight and so have different dates of birth.

That's so cool

I'm an adult identical twin and the time of birth is on our birth certificate, which is obligatory when it's a multiple birth. The question of being the eldest or youngest is always tongue in cheek. I mean seriously, how can 5 to 10 minutes make such a difference....!!!! The only one taking it seriously appears to be you.....

The only time it makes any difference is when inheriting money or a title!

@ivykaty44 I'm in Scotland and it seems pretty normal here.

OK so you've decided that you'll be telling them which one is older, but will you be telling them which was "twin A" and which was "twin B" in the womb?