To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

Unless they are the hiers to some bizarre aristocratic title that only passes through the first born, you're probably OK to tell them 😀

I am Scottish, and gobsmacked that this might not be a UK wide part of the documentation

@SleepingStandingUp I'm fascinated by your post. Does it not matter that twin one might be now growing up as twin two as they were mixed up? I'm not having a go at you I'm curious as I can't get my head around it not mattering.

I was pregnant with twins but lost one and would have love to have had the experience of bringing up two babies together.

@BoomBoomsCousin thank you. Your answer is really helpful.

If these children are being brought up in a family where people will treat them differently because of random birth order, they have bigger problems than who was born first.

I used to go out with a twin. Apparently he was the prototype, and his five-minutes-younger brother was the finished article.

I'm in Wales my BC does not have a time on. My 3 children were born in wales and do not have their Time of birth on*

If they were born in England or Wales their birth certs will have their time of birth on them?!
Me my DH and our children were born in England and the time isn't on our birth certificates only the date.

Because only Multiples have the time of birth recorded unless you are born in Scotland where all births have the time noted on the birth certificate.

@Nonnymum as I learned today, only multiple births in England have the time on them. Not singleton births.

I have 13 year old twins who know their birth order. Its really not a big deal - I think you are really over thinking this they can't even speak yet! Ourswere born one minute a part from IVF. I told them one of them went in first and the other came out first. They are really not bothered. It's helpful as when ordering cousins in age order the one who came out first is considered the older child even if its only for 1 minute.
Another thing I would say is that when you say your boy's names ie boy1 and boy2 I am guessing you are saying the one who came out first's name first? I have noticed that parents of twins tend to do that automatically.

"all multiple births throughout the UK have the timing on them.
It's how sometimes people find out they are a twin if they didn't already know."

?? Are you meaning if separated but then why would they know? If they are Scottish it is every baby and if not they could be just told it is normal.

I wouldn’t value the opinion of anyone who considered someone wiser or more experienced than someone only 5/10/30 minutes younger than them!!

As a twin focus on making sure they are individuals. I can't stand being referred to as one of the "maiden name twins". We are still very alike ( not if you see us together- differences can be spotted) so are still regularly confused for each other. From the moment we could pick our own clothes we picked different, I had short hair to DT's long. Opted for different classes at secondary to try to establish separate friendship groups.

Pounce on anyone who tries to compare, I went through life as the one with the nicer face but DT as the one with the nicer figure- we are both pretty insecure due to that particular gem. I was the "wild one" DT the "shy one " neither of us particularly wild nor shy.

But the faces of the midwives when we delivered in the same unit 5 weeks apart

Your plan would make into a bigger deal and a bit of a weird thing, People tease each other on families, MIL and FIL were born within a few days of each other it’s a running joke between them, DH is younger than me and teases me. It’s normal!

Yes multiple births have the time recorded on the birth certificate. Like a PP said, if their daddy is a Duke how would they know who is to inherit the title? Also for other inheritance reasons. The lineage must be clear for those reasons.

Not a problem for most of us of course.

What will happen when you’re playing a board game and the youngest has to start first?!
My dts are 12 minutes apart, they do not have an issue with one being ever-so slightly older/younger. Can’t imagine anyone would have an issue with this!

Have none of your relatives expressed surprise that you're refusing to tell them the birth order? It's quite an odd approach. Also, since your MIL is already talking about the brains and the brawn, it hasn't stopped people labelling them so basically it's serving no purpose but to make the birth order a much bigger deal than it should be.
Was it you or your DH who first suggested being secretive about the birth order?

I have twins and I made the decision not to tell them which one was born first until they were older. I used to tell them they were born at the same time.

But then my mother unhelpfully told them who was oldest when they were toddlers, much to the glee of the one who is 60 seconds older.

I did read in a twins book that some African tribes, they traditionally favoured the youngest twin as being most intelligent - pushing the older one out first to ensure it is safe to come out before making their entrance into the world. Which I remind them off if the oldest one does try and show off about her extra 60 seconds.

@ittakes2 coincidentally the boy who came first also has the first name in the alphabet.

Birth order comments are just jokes! And for twins they need something to differentiate themself from their twin. So it is actually helpful to a twin, not unhelpful.

What nonsense. You're making something out of nothing.

So what if someone else tries to make a big deal out of their birth order, you're a grown-up, surely you can handle such silliness without it becoming a 'thing'. To be honest, I don't think you have the right to keep it from your children if they want to know.

@RhubarbBikini That is the kind of thing I am worried about if I tell family. MIL would love to “accidentally” tell them. I would like them to know when they are older not when young.

Oh for goodness sake, people who make remarks like the ones you describe are joking.Stop taking life so seriously and tell your boys the truth if and when they ask.

""""My family will say things to them like e.g. you should know better because you are the eldest.""""

Are you being serious OP? We are talking minutes here.... Not 10 years!!!

What difference 5 minutes makes? It’s not like it’s 25 hrs or 5 days..

I have never seen a time on a birth certificate.

What's your sample size? 2? 10? 1000?

British birth certificates certainly do not have the time on them.

Yes, they really do.