...to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?

[ToBeASnitchOrNot]

Would you?

Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it.

Known to me as my DC is friends with hers. We live in the same street. Her DC is only young and frequently left with irresponsible teen siblings while shes out with men. Or when she has her clients round at hers, which is very frequently, she sometimes sends the younger one round to us. She doesn't openly say to us shes sending DC to us because she is 'working' but we see the various different cars on her drive and put 2 and 2 together. But sometimes he doesn't want to stay at our place and goes home, where I assume he's left to his own devices. He gets upset if I try to get him to stay with us.

We've noticed shes also taken on a new client who is a neighbour. Again, shes not told us, but she never used to even say hi to this guy, but now shes started going round to his, curtains are drawn and she reappears an hour or so later. During one of these times her young DC walked round to us wearing only a pair of dirty tracksuit bottoms. Winter, raining, cold but no shoes top or coat.

In addition to this her house is filthy, she often looks like shes on drugs (unsteady on her feet, glazed eyes, a general 'away with the fairies' manner, the kid is rarely properly dressed or clean, and is rarely at school.

Shes been reported to SS before by a fellow concerned neighbour but she took off for 2 months to another country where her mum lives to escape it.

I feel I SHOULD back up other neighbour and report her as I'm concerned for the welfare of the young DC. But another part of me hates the whole 'snitching' side of it. When all is said and done, if SS have already been notified, and they've done nothing, should I really stick my beak in? Maybe they feel her DC is safe enough? Is it really my place?

But I'm worried her DC is left vulnerable and seeing/hearing more than they should and being neglected in terms of a proper stable home life, education etc.

WWYD?

So you were prepared to send your child on an outing with a woman you consider is often unable to speak or walk properly due to using drugs?????

Yes, because I'd already seen she was sober and perfectly capable on that particular day. I never said she's always drugged up to the eyeballs every day. If I saw she was so mashed she couldnt walk or speak then of course I wouldn't have agreed to it!

Ffs I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I’d report the neglect, how she makes her money is another thing entirely. Being a prostitute isn’t dangerous for children per se, neglect is. Those two things are mutually exclusive.

* Eg. A couple of weekends ago she was taking her DS out for a very rare fun afternoon. Her DS came to ours (wearing one sock, a pair of shorts and a stinky sofa throw) excited and asked if my DC wanted to go along. We agreed, told her DC to go back home to get ready and my DC would come round when he'd got some things together*

Unbelievable. So concerned about the neglect but happy for your young child to spend a day with her and be at the disgusting home.

And you were ok with it because you’d seen that day that she wasn’t smashed. Okay.

I have to say OP - It’s an odd one.

You’re sitting on a serious case of neglect and navel gazing over whether to report.

And you’re allowing your own young child to spend alone time with the perpetrator of the neglect.

You’re not exactly covering yourself in glory here

she was taking her DS out for a very rare fun afternoon

Obviously didn't read the whole sentence - they were going out.... OUT!!

And yes, I will allow my DS to be with her and her DC (as mine is his only real friend) if she's not working and she's entertaining them at a child orientated venue...which WAS the plan.

She wasn't taking them to a fucking job FCS! They were off to a local play centre!

You’re not exactly covering yourself in glory here

Yup seems so. As I say, I'm damned no matter what I do, or don't do. I'm in a shit position whatever stance I take.

I'm out now, I'm done here. Thanks to pps for the actual useful helpful and supportive advice. I refuse to take any more bashing though for a situation that I didn't create.

You let your child go off for a day out with a woman who you think might be on drugs, neglects her child and may even be doing sex work when her child is in the house. Surely you can see how wrong this is? If things are as bad as you say then yes you should be reporting to SS. You also have a duty to protect your own child!

Id report.

Poor kid.

Yes I did read

Your child went back to the home. Alone.

And home or out - you were happy for your child to spend the day with the perpetrator of the neglect

* I'm in a shit position whatever stance I take*

It’s not about YOU ffs

If you did report and SS became involved, she could say that her neighbour (you) is sufficiently happy with her parenting to allow their child to spend the day with her

I personally think the prostitution alone is a valid
Reason to report in this situation. Only because she is openly allowing these clients into her home when the children are there. That's a huge risk, they could literally be serial killers (very OTT situation but it's not Impossible, and has defiantly happened before)

Even if her job wasn't involved the kids sound uncared for and not given their basic needs. Which is neglect. Please report. Imagine how bad you would feel if god forbid one of these client's did do something bad, and you were to scared to help.

OP; I think posters are getting mixed messages because you yourself are confused, both being fair enough.

It is good that you are being generous and supportive to your child’s friend’s mother.
Completely reasonable that you are contemplating reporting a child at risk.

However, in your shoes I would not let my child go to her house and given her unreliable prioritising if clients over kids I would not let her be responsible for my child in or out of her house.

It’s not that you are damned either way: Navigating boundaries is a nuanced issue.

You complain she neglects her child and then leave your child in her care? Seriously? Unbefuckinglievable.

People may call it "snitching" but I call it protection. This child needs an adult to protect them. You can be that adult.

Her being a prostitute is irrelevant. If you feel the child is neglected and in danger, then report. Not because the mother is a prostitute.

It's pretty clear yo think the child is neglected because his mother is a prostitute so you are judging. What I read is a woman who clearly has problems and is not able to cope with parenting. She needs help and so do her children.

op, you have received a lot of sensible suggestions here about reporting to SS for potential neglect.

I'd ignore posters criticising your use of the word report, for not having the right thread title and accusations of judging.

It's clear that you are concerned about the dc's well-being and I hope it goes well.

I hate the 'report to the school' line that's always trotted out on here.

Don't report to the school, report direct to children's services. Passing on heresay is in no ones best interests.

And why haven't you already spoken to them about your concerns? If you are truly concerned about a child being neglected then it's your duty to do so. Every day you don't, you are leaving that child in an unsafe situation. However, with the level of neglect that you are talking about it's pretty certain that they will already be known to ss anyway. A child not regularly attending school and being unkempt/dirty/unfed would have already been noticed by school.

Doing nothing is appalling.

If you could drop me a PM on the best agency/person/orgsnisation to contact I'd be very grateful.

🙄 just google your local councils children's services and call them.

I don't think you've said anything untoward, op. Please do come back. It is a difficult situation and you just want to be doing the right thing. I'm not sure anyone would know what is the right thing unless there was obvious abuse of a child. Chances are any areas of neglect, dirt etc, would be cleaned up before SS put in an appearance and they will look at whether or not the child is happy. She would probably also deny prostitution.

The mother obviously needs some assistance and maybe a social worker could help her.

In the end, do what you think is right, you sound as though you are being as supportive as you can right now. Ignore other neighbours.