...to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?

[ToBeASnitchOrNot]

Would you?

Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it.

Known to me as my DC is friends with hers. We live in the same street. Her DC is only young and frequently left with irresponsible teen siblings while shes out with men. Or when she has her clients round at hers, which is very frequently, she sometimes sends the younger one round to us. She doesn't openly say to us shes sending DC to us because she is 'working' but we see the various different cars on her drive and put 2 and 2 together. But sometimes he doesn't want to stay at our place and goes home, where I assume he's left to his own devices. He gets upset if I try to get him to stay with us.

We've noticed shes also taken on a new client who is a neighbour. Again, shes not told us, but she never used to even say hi to this guy, but now shes started going round to his, curtains are drawn and she reappears an hour or so later. During one of these times her young DC walked round to us wearing only a pair of dirty tracksuit bottoms. Winter, raining, cold but no shoes top or coat.

In addition to this her house is filthy, she often looks like shes on drugs (unsteady on her feet, glazed eyes, a general 'away with the fairies' manner, the kid is rarely properly dressed or clean, and is rarely at school.

Shes been reported to SS before by a fellow concerned neighbour but she took off for 2 months to another country where her mum lives to escape it.

I feel I SHOULD back up other neighbour and report her as I'm concerned for the welfare of the young DC. But another part of me hates the whole 'snitching' side of it. When all is said and done, if SS have already been notified, and they've done nothing, should I really stick my beak in? Maybe they feel her DC is safe enough? Is it really my place?

But I'm worried her DC is left vulnerable and seeing/hearing more than they should and being neglected in terms of a proper stable home life, education etc.

WWYD?

Op you confused posters by saying you borrowed her money - you didn’t you lent her money.

It’s a regional thing. If people are confused they need to visit more places.

I would happily be a snitch if it meant I was doing something about a childs safety and neglectful environment

Agree. This has nothing to do with moral judgement about what she does- I couldn't give two hoots if someone is an escort. But if these clients are coming round to her house and her kids are being put at risk then you are absolutely not in the wrong to report. If all is fine, nothing will happen will it? SS cannot legally just take someone's kids off them without a good reason

I wouldn’t reporter for being a sex worker. I would report for neglect/ the filthy house, lack of appropriate supervision and clothing, filthy house and not attending school

This.

Agree, how she makes her living is entirely her personal choice. I would never report her simply for this

I know you're backpedaling on your thread title OP, but you also opened with Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it

Report her for the neglect, but genuinely - lose the judgment.

Yeah, the prostitution thing is really neither here nor there. The potential child neglect however, yes report it.

Saying that, I used to live in a not so salubrious area, and filthy half naked kids seemed fairly par for the course. Also used to get young kids banging on my door at all hours asking for food because Mummy wasn’t home and they didn’t know where she was. This was all standard every day sort of stuff.
So I suspect social services have a pretty high threshold for ‘neglect’ otherwise most of my estate would’ve been locked up

Sex work isn’t illegal. But if the children are genuinely at risk then yes, report that.

@Patroclus there are a myriad of ways our parents can mess us up. Prostitution is one, uber religious anti sex can be another. Ted Hughes had a point in his poetry.

The sex worker issue seemed unimportant. She could be sex worker and a have a perfectly functioning family life and well care for kids

Report for her for child neglect and being a drug abuser.

Do you know about the NSPCC helpline? You can contact them for advice if you're not sure what to do? www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/report/

I think in this incident the fact she is a sex worker is relevant if she is shagging random men when her young children are awake and in the house.

You've also clearly described neglect of her children. And concerns that she is not in a fit state to parent due to drug use.

You absolutely MUST report. Tell them everything. Let the professionals decide what is relevant.

justasking111 Philip Larkin.

OP I work for an agency where a lot of our kids are under social care. Reports from neighbours are the best thing, because neighbours see things that services don't. You can report anonymously, so the woman and other agencies involved (eg school) don't need to know who you are. You don't have to make a judgement, just report your observations. Stick to the facts (the child was wearing X y z, bare feet, the weather was rainy, cloudy, windy).
The aim from social care won't be to remove the children, it will be to put measures in place to keep them safe. Please report your concerns about the neglect you are aware of. Then you can sleep easy, knowing that you have done your bit.

justasking111 Do you mean Philip Larkin? If not, what Ted Hughes poem? (genuinely interested).

Safeguarding is everybody's business. You are concerned so you should report it imo. SS can decide if there are concerns

Report. The worst/best that can happen is they intervene. Put the dcs first. It sounds like a horrible situation for them if the rumours are true.

Of course it's 'here or there' @CaptainButtock. A single unrelated man in the house is considered a safeguarding risk - let alone a constant stream of random men who feel entitled to buy women's bodies.

Can you speak to anyone at school about this?

report. safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility.

but it's not the being a prostitute that is the issue. you have witnessed child neglect. if the social services are so underfunded and overworked that they can't help the child immediately then that is sad but at least if it's reported then the reason for that is the underfunding not that no one could be bothered to let ss know.

I know you're backpedaling on your thread title OP, but you also opened with Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it

Because I do find it odd she is so open about it, laughed about it. She has kids. Surely you'd keep something like this to yourself. Being so brazen and seeing it as hilarious I do find concerning in all honesty. It may not be illegal, but it's hardly a mainstream conventional job and will cause criticism and raised eyebrows.

There are some neighbours who refuse to let their kids play with hers because of what they know about her, because she herself has made it public knowledge. This has alienated the child. He can't play out on the street and enjoy a normal childhood because his mum has decided to tell everyone what she does, and parents have decided it's too risky to let their kids play with hers. I won't stop mine playing with her kids as it's not any if the kids faults, but I do understand why the others keep their kids away.

Her youngest has now become rather attached to my youngest as it's his only real friend. It makes me so bloody sad for him. And as a result, because my DC plays with hers, and because I don't snub her, my family have been criticised and snubbed too. My next door neighbours literally blank us.

So yes, I do judge her for telling everyone. Its impacted on her kids ability to socialise normally. It was a bad decision imho.

Seriously, I couldn't give a flying fuck about the other neighbours not liking me either, I'm really not interested. But it is affecting her DCs friendships, and then also mine simply by association. I heard one of the other neighbourhood kids say to one of her DCs "we're not allowed to hang around with you, my mum doesn't like your mum cos she's dirty" Its just horrible for the poor little thing who doesn't really understand what they mean.

I don't dislike her, but I do dislike her decision to tell people without considering the effects of it for her DC

Report signs of abuse and neglect. That is your duty and it's not optional.

Can you speak to anyone at school about this?

Our DCs don't attend the same school. Hers have been moved around schools a lot she tells me. I don't know why though. The latest school is closer to home, within walking distance. Could be why, as its obviously not going to cause problems financially if she doesn't have to pay for public transport to school. No real idea though before I get told I'm judging her for the school moves... I'm not, it's just what she's told me.

I do know which school the youngest attends though.

I think you need to be absolutely certain that a child is being neglected, not just based on a dirty house and one or two instances but consistent neglect.

No she doesn't. That's the job of SS to make sure the child isn't being neglected.

the prostitution thing is really neither here nor there.

Blimey.

Love51 thank you, your post sounds the most reassuring and helpful. I don't want her kids removed from her (if theres no direct abuse or immediate danger to the DCs) but help and support for them all to be safe, stable, secure and remain together, would be the most ideal outcome.

I'm aware that the care system is awful and would feel so much unbearable guilt if she lost them and they ended up in the system. As I say, I don't think she's neglectful through lack of love, but from what I see, she is prioritising her work & clients over their proper care. Which again, I think is to keep the roof over their heads, but it's not a good situation or environment for DCs to brought up in.

If you could drop me a PM on the best agency/person/orgsnisation to contact I'd be very grateful.

If it was just sex work I wouldn't care but the fact the child isn't being cared for or kept safe would mean I definitely report. Worrying about snitchibg prioritises the mum's welfare over her child's. When I reported I'd literally just state the facts of what I've observed. SS can then decide if this mum needs support or not.

The issue isn’t the prostitution, it’s the child neglect.