...to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?

[ToBeASnitchOrNot]

Would you?

Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it.

Known to me as my DC is friends with hers. We live in the same street. Her DC is only young and frequently left with irresponsible teen siblings while shes out with men. Or when she has her clients round at hers, which is very frequently, she sometimes sends the younger one round to us. She doesn't openly say to us shes sending DC to us because she is 'working' but we see the various different cars on her drive and put 2 and 2 together. But sometimes he doesn't want to stay at our place and goes home, where I assume he's left to his own devices. He gets upset if I try to get him to stay with us.

We've noticed shes also taken on a new client who is a neighbour. Again, shes not told us, but she never used to even say hi to this guy, but now shes started going round to his, curtains are drawn and she reappears an hour or so later. During one of these times her young DC walked round to us wearing only a pair of dirty tracksuit bottoms. Winter, raining, cold but no shoes top or coat.

In addition to this her house is filthy, she often looks like shes on drugs (unsteady on her feet, glazed eyes, a general 'away with the fairies' manner, the kid is rarely properly dressed or clean, and is rarely at school.

Shes been reported to SS before by a fellow concerned neighbour but she took off for 2 months to another country where her mum lives to escape it.

I feel I SHOULD back up other neighbour and report her as I'm concerned for the welfare of the young DC. But another part of me hates the whole 'snitching' side of it. When all is said and done, if SS have already been notified, and they've done nothing, should I really stick my beak in? Maybe they feel her DC is safe enough? Is it really my place?

But I'm worried her DC is left vulnerable and seeing/hearing more than they should and being neglected in terms of a proper stable home life, education etc.

WWYD?

Stop bloody saying report! By all means speak to a social worker if you have concerns but you're not reporting someone.

Everybody has a responsibility for safeguarding vulnerable adults and children.

Both of them are vulnerable in my eyes. I’d raise safeguarding referrals for both.

Being a sex working per se wouldn't be enough, but what you have described sounds enough to warrant a report to SS just so someone can try to gain an accurate picture of what is going on and make an informed decision about the child's wellbeing. Don't feel like a snitch, imagine if youre only seeing the tip of the iceberg- that child might really need help.

Her being a sex worker is definitely the reason the child is being subjected to possible drug dealers, clients and strangers entering the house and so it is a reason to call SS imo. She's not going off to work to do it, she's either inviting them into her kids' home or she's leaving them alone and going off to their home. OP, definitely mention how she earns her money.

Isn’t prostitution illegal in this country? If someone next door was selling drugs (also illegal) I’m sure you wouldn’t hesitate in reporting them so what’s different with prostitution?

I think it comes down to whether or not the children are safe and cared for or neglected and in danger. A messy house and a mother prostituting, by itself, while not an ideal environment, doesn't by itself constitute either of those things.

Try to put your prejudice of her occupation aside. Pretend she's taking these men aside to teach them to read for an hour undisturbed. Would you call still? If the answer is yes, then you should. If it's no, then you need to re evaluate your position.

She sounds absolutely horrendous and of course you should report. This is pure child neglect and her lifestyle puts her children at risk.

The way she is choosing to conduct her sex work is creating a neglectful and unsafe environment rather than the simple fact she is a sex worker. She currently appears unable to properly prioritise the welfare of her children. That would be enough for me to contact social services.

If her home was clean, children were clean, fed, appropriately supervised and she conducted her sex work in a way that didn’t impact on them then I wouldn’t bother.

Yes you must report. (I was another person who couldn’t believe you would borrow her money when she was prostituting herself to make the money). Anyway, that was a distraction but yes the child is being neglected and experiencing a chaotic time so you really have a duty to report and help this little boy.

MrsGolightly - with the new safeguarding laws, we ALL have a duty. If you do not REPORT a case of neglect (for example) and it is shown later that you knew about it, then you might be liable to prosecution.
The OP must report this.

I wouldn’t report someone just for being a prostitute as that’s simply making a judgement on someone

If she is bringing punters in to the home shared with the children and the children are being exposed to inappropriate sexual conduct the fact she is a prostitute is a valid concern.

All punters are scum. Her children should not be in the company of men who pay to rape.

Try to put your prejudice of her occupation aside
You obviously haven't read any of my posts or the rest of the thread

MrsGolightyly - Thank you for being so helpful here. Who cares about the actual point of the thread, even though you fully understand what is meant, we MUST remember to use the absolute correct terminology first-&-foremost on a forum, in case any posters get their knickers in a knot about it!

I will SPEAK to someone about this, not REPORT - if I choose to do so. I will also not borrow people money, I will lend it to them. Thank you pp's for highlighting the real important issue in this thread... Grammar

Isn’t prostitution illegal in this country?

No. Being a pimp, running a brothel, soliciting in public are illegal but prostitution itself isn't.

I actually do think the fact she is a sex worker is relevant. But this is mumsnet so I’m not surprised by the comments

From what the OP has told us the fact she is a prostitute is extremely relevant. Her "work" is creating a neglectful and unsafe environment for her children. Men who pay to rape women get priority over her children.

Give SS a heads up. Before a punter sees a chance with some unwashed, neglected, vulnerable children. You are reporting the punters imo, not the mum.

It's possible she isn't a prositiute but is instead providing another service eg massge. In your shoes I'd report her for the neglect of the poor children. I think it's great that you care so much about the children.

If you’re worried about the child’s welfare report it - SC will investigate and take the necessary action if required.

@supersop60

with the new safeguarding laws, we ALL have a duty. If you do not REPORT a case of neglect (for example) and it is shown later that you knew about it, then you might be liable to prosecution.
The OP must report this

I didn't say don't speak to a social worker if you have concerns, I said do speak to a social worker if you have concerns.

You're not reporting it though, you are speaking to a social worker. Got it?

It doesn't matter that she is a sex worker but it does matter that she is not taking car of her child.

I think you should phone the SS and talk about your concerns for the child, not how she is earning money.

What you do is speak to a social worker if you have concerns. Reporting has all sorts of connotations. Social workers in children's services are there for the most part, to help parents who are struggling.

Yes everyone has a duty to protect children but it's not up to you to decide whether it is actually a safeguarding issue.

What you do is call a social worker and discuss your concerns, YOU ARE NOT REPORTING A PARENT.

If she has lots of the kind of men who use prostitutes around her kids, then her occupation is relevant. It’s hardly a low risk profession and she’s putting herself and her kids at risk.

It's possible she isn't a prositiute but is instead providing another service eg massge.

I'm not sure why anyone would choose to actually say they take money/help with DIY/lifts etc in exchange for sex, if they actually don't. Who would do that?

She has openly said to me, and many others, she sells sex. Not massages.

She does also sometimes do non-sex work. But her main source of income comes from prostitution. Her other non-sex work is few and far between, so I think it just tops up her earnings from sex work.

And this is why I'm torn about reporting her - because she must be doing it to earn a living, which I don't judge. Ive had some shit jobs myself just to put food on the table and pay the never-ending bills. It's her body and her choice.

But, the dilemma I have surrounding her job is that it's negatively affecting the way she raises her DC, and as pps have already said, could be leaving the DC open to abuse from the customers streaming through their home. On top of abandoning them for clients and neglecting their needs.

I'm so sorry to hear of the stories from pps who have experienced abuse as a result of prostitution. These kinds of posts make me feel that SPEAKING (must not use the word 'report', god forbid!) to someone who may be able to intervene and help, is the right way forward. If I discovered her DCs had not only suffered neglect of basic needs, not had a complete education, may have been witness (via sight or just sound) to things they really shouldn't AND that had then progressed to abuse of the DC by her clients, I'm not sure I could handle that level of guilt.

No matter what I do/don't do, I will feel some sort of guilt. But taking the advice of the majority, protecting vulnerable children matters the most.

@ToBeASnitchOrNot

the dilemma I have surrounding her job is that it's negatively affecting the way she raises her DC

It's not up to you to judge her. Yes, share your concerns with a social worker but they are the professionals.

You have to remember that generally, children don't do very well in care. Very often, a child is better off with their parents, even it the conditions aren't what you would choose.

I would report her. If there is no neglect nothing will come of it. If there is and you don't report her and something happens to the child you will feel rotten.

Report it immediately... a social workers job is to safeguard and protect the welfare of children something which the mum isn’t doing for her young child. Don’t sit on this, call them, that’s the right thing to do.