Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?

196 replies

ToBeASnitchOrNot · 26/01/2020 13:43

Would you?

Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it.

Known to me as my DC is friends with hers. We live in the same street. Her DC is only young and frequently left with irresponsible teen siblings while shes out with men. Or when she has her clients round at hers, which is very frequently, she sometimes sends the younger one round to us. She doesn't openly say to us shes sending DC to us because she is 'working' but we see the various different cars on her drive and put 2 and 2 together. But sometimes he doesn't want to stay at our place and goes home, where I assume he's left to his own devices. He gets upset if I try to get him to stay with us.

We've noticed shes also taken on a new client who is a neighbour. Again, shes not told us, but she never used to even say hi to this guy, but now shes started going round to his, curtains are drawn and she reappears an hour or so later. During one of these times her young DC walked round to us wearing only a pair of dirty tracksuit bottoms. Winter, raining, cold but no shoes top or coat.

In addition to this her house is filthy, she often looks like shes on drugs (unsteady on her feet, glazed eyes, a general 'away with the fairies' manner, the kid is rarely properly dressed or clean, and is rarely at school.

Shes been reported to SS before by a fellow concerned neighbour but she took off for 2 months to another country where her mum lives to escape it.

I feel I SHOULD back up other neighbour and report her as I'm concerned for the welfare of the young DC. But another part of me hates the whole 'snitching' side of it. When all is said and done, if SS have already been notified, and they've done nothing, should I really stick my beak in? Maybe they feel her DC is safe enough? Is it really my place?

But I'm worried her DC is left vulnerable and seeing/hearing more than they should and being neglected in terms of a proper stable home life, education etc.

WWYD?

OP posts:
PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 26/01/2020 15:44

I also agree with PP it's not OP'S job to be absolutely certain a child is neglected or consider whether or not the kids should be removed. She is completely unqualified to make such an assessment. If op is concerned she should tell SS why she is concerned and they'll investigate further and act as necessary.

Aridane · 26/01/2020 15:47

I wouldn't report her for being a prostitute (as per our thread heading) or for having a dirty house. And I don't agree that being a sex worker means you neglect your children

Underhisi · 26/01/2020 15:53

I would report because of her bringing her work into the family home.

PuppyMonkey · 26/01/2020 15:53

when she has her clients round at hers

This is the bit of the OP that make the fact that she’s a sex worker very much relevant as far as reporting to SS goes.

corduroyal · 26/01/2020 15:54

I'd report for neglect and prostitution.

Prostitution might not be harmful if done away from the house, but if strangers are coming to the house while the kids are around, that's not right. If drugs are involved then it's doubly bad.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/01/2020 15:54

To be honest, the fact she's told everyone she's a prostitute shows an enormous lack of judgement and may be a way of seeking help out of sex work. But that's by the by. If a child is being neglected, report.

beyoncessweatband · 26/01/2020 15:55

I'd report for the negligence towards the kids. I wouldnt report because of prostitution

MyDcAreMarvel · 26/01/2020 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlatulantTrousers · 26/01/2020 16:05

It's a shame you made the title about reporting this woman for being a prostitute. That's not the problem here at all and I would've said you were being unreasonable for doing that. Reporting for neglect should be the title and your main focus. You wouldn't be unreasonable for doing that, if you genuinely believe that to be true.

Original poster
ToBeASnitchOrNot · 26/01/2020 16:07

And I don't agree that being a sex worker means you neglect your children

No, it doesn't, you're right But in this case, I do believe that is what's happening as a result of her job.

Eg. A couple of weekends ago she was taking her DS out for a very rare fun afternoon. Her DS came to ours (wearing one sock, a pair of shorts and a stinky sofa throw) excited and asked if my DC wanted to go along. We agreed, told her DC to go back home to get ready and my DC would come round when he'd got some things together, his coat & shoes on, and I'd give his mum some money to cover my DCs costs (worded more child friendly of course).

My DC went over, but just 10 mins later both my DC and her still half-dressed DC came back here upset. They weren't going anymore because she'd "had a call from a friend and has had to go out now". She'd told them both to come back to ours instead and she disappeared.

I rang her, pissed off to have just dropped the kids like that without any warning. She didn't give a shit. Told me, while laughing, that she'd not seen this client in 3 months, he's a 'good one' and was taking her to see a show too. So this client was prioritised and her DC just dumped without so much as proper clothing or a coat. Didn't even ask if I could have him, because as far as she's concerned, if he doesn't want to stay with me he can just go back home where theres the teen sat upstairs glued to his playstation.

Most of us find jobs that work around our kids, as the kids are a priority. But this is the total opposite and resulting in, my opinion, neglect. Her profession is the central cause for DCs not being cared for adequately, from what I can see from my perspective.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 26/01/2020 16:09

I'd say report what you have seen with your own eyes and not what you assume is happening.

e.g. don't say she's a prostitute but say that there are a large number of male visitors to her house and that her ds comes round to your house half dressed with no shoes on when they arrive.
Don't report that her ds frequently misses school - the school will be doing that. Instead say that you have often seen her ds hanging around outside her house during school hours.
Don't report she's on drugs. Do say that you have seen her at times looking very unsteady on her feet with glazed eyes when her ds is with her.
Don't say she's neglecting him. Do say he often comes to your house badly dressed, in dirty clothes, smelly and hungry.

PumpkinP · 26/01/2020 16:11

I actually do think the fact she is a sex worker is relevant. But this is mumsnet so I’m not surprised by the comments

Original poster
ToBeASnitchOrNot · 26/01/2020 16:11

It's a shame you made the title about reporting this woman for being a prostitute. That's not the problem here at all

I disagree. For reasons I've already stated. The job is the cause of the kids needs being an after-thought. The kids have to fit around her jobs, more often than not at last minute, and often in the home the DCs live. So, I actually DO see it as a problem for the DCs. If she enjoys her job, fine. But it shouldn't be prioritised over her DCs welfare, and it should be conducted away from the home with suitable childcare in place.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToBeASnitchOrNot · 26/01/2020 16:16

Haffdonga
Yes, good advice, thank you. As another PP suggested, I will simply state facts, not what could be seen as malicious unwarranted opinions. Of course, as I've said, I DO hold some opinions about her decisions, whether pps like that or not. I don't think she should broadcast her job. But my actual worry is for the DC. And I'd also never thought her telling everyone of her job could actually be a cry for help out of it.

OP posts:
MustangsDraggedMeAway · 26/01/2020 16:17

If I really cared about her and her children I would go to visit her and tell her you heard she is about to be reported and see if she will accept your help to clean her home and her life style. If not, and the situation is really bad, I'd turn her in.

rattusrattus20 · 26/01/2020 16:17

Thread title shoudl be changed.

Nothing [much] wrong with being a sex worker.

Everything wrong with neglecting your kids.

MrsGolightyly · 26/01/2020 16:23

Social workers are not the police so you don't report to them. If someone is struggling to parent their children and that child is being abused then speak to children's services by all means.

Your thread title asks if you should report to a SS if a mother is a prostitute. The simple answer to this question is no.

Original poster
ToBeASnitchOrNot · 26/01/2020 16:31

Ok. It's clearly completely irrelevant that the prostitution is the actual cause of the neglect, whilst the DC have a constant stream of strange men coming through their home. Prostitution is not affecting these DC and I should not mention this aspect of her life to anyone.

I shall go away and consider all your comments. Thanks MNers

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 26/01/2020 16:31

I would definitely contact social services-the child sounds like he/she is being severely neglected. Chances are, school will be flagging concerns as well so any added information is relevant.

The prostitution is relevant imo as it sounds like the child is potentially being exposed to it which is a form of abuse/neglect. Even if they are not, it needs reporting to someone - it's vile and a crime.

Binterested · 26/01/2020 16:33

Being a prostitute (not going to say sex worker as it regularised something the porn bros are desperately trying to normalise for our kids) is a problem. Might be her only option. Might be enabling her to keep a roof over her head. But it’s not just another way of earning a living and it’s a bit disheartening to see it referred to so casually on here.

Not good enough for my body. Not good enough for my daughter’s body. Not good enough for any body.

And yes you should report OP.

ittakes2 · 26/01/2020 16:35

My sister's first boyfriend was raped by one of this mother's clients. Not surprisingly completely mucked him up. It's not the prosititution but the neglect that I would also agree with other's you need to report.

PlanDeRaccordement · 26/01/2020 16:38

Yes, I’ve read about the Tories cutting benefits so that mums are turning to sex work to feed their children. By all means make a tough situation even harder by reporting her to SS.

Also, have you seen I, Daniel Blake ?
m.youtube.com/watch?v=ahWgxw9E_h4

It’s a documentary type film that won awards showing just how it happens.

WorriedMum6868 · 26/01/2020 16:45

This child is being massively neglected. Please report.

EasyLifer · 26/01/2020 16:54

I would report the prostitution to save future humilition and bullying for the poor child. At this age he won't know what a prostitute is but sooner or later he will realise with horror what his mother does for a living. Or schoolmates at secondary school will find out and he will be bullied.

OverByYer · 26/01/2020 17:02

Definitely report, the whole situation is neglectful.
I work in Children’s services and have known women who are sex workers but it has little no impact on their children, in that it’s done away from the home , school hours or weekends when children are with grandparents.
But in the case you describe its haveing a direct impact in her child and putting them at risk.