...to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?

[ToBeASnitchOrNot]

Would you?

Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it.

Known to me as my DC is friends with hers. We live in the same street. Her DC is only young and frequently left with irresponsible teen siblings while shes out with men. Or when she has her clients round at hers, which is very frequently, she sometimes sends the younger one round to us. She doesn't openly say to us shes sending DC to us because she is 'working' but we see the various different cars on her drive and put 2 and 2 together. But sometimes he doesn't want to stay at our place and goes home, where I assume he's left to his own devices. He gets upset if I try to get him to stay with us.

We've noticed shes also taken on a new client who is a neighbour. Again, shes not told us, but she never used to even say hi to this guy, but now shes started going round to his, curtains are drawn and she reappears an hour or so later. During one of these times her young DC walked round to us wearing only a pair of dirty tracksuit bottoms. Winter, raining, cold but no shoes top or coat.

In addition to this her house is filthy, she often looks like shes on drugs (unsteady on her feet, glazed eyes, a general 'away with the fairies' manner, the kid is rarely properly dressed or clean, and is rarely at school.

Shes been reported to SS before by a fellow concerned neighbour but she took off for 2 months to another country where her mum lives to escape it.

I feel I SHOULD back up other neighbour and report her as I'm concerned for the welfare of the young DC. But another part of me hates the whole 'snitching' side of it. When all is said and done, if SS have already been notified, and they've done nothing, should I really stick my beak in? Maybe they feel her DC is safe enough? Is it really my place?

But I'm worried her DC is left vulnerable and seeing/hearing more than they should and being neglected in terms of a proper stable home life, education etc.

WWYD?

You don't report it, you speak to a social worker.

Nog for being a prostitute, there are many who are good mu.s, but for what seems a lot of neglect, plus vulnerable to the amount of strangers in and out of the house.

When you do safeguarding training the trainer usually says "if in doubt, there is no doubt, Report and let the SS sort it out."
You are concerned about the child's welfare. The SS won't take the child away without a very strong reason (they're short staffed and have have little funds anyway) but they can put together support or advise or just keep an eye.
Your concern might be a little piece of evidence in a bigger picture that you can't see, or nothing for anyone to worry about. If you don't say anything and there's a real problem with the child further down the line, will you be able to live with your silence?

You have to remember that generally, children don't do very well in care. Very often, a child is better off with their parents

Yes, I have already said that this is a reason I have not already raised my concerns about the DCs welfare, but you are deliberately ignoring that. I have said that I believe the best outcome would be for the DCs to remain with mum in their own home. If a professional can intervene to an extent that it shows she must conduct her sex work OUT of the home, and that their needs come first ALWAYS, then I'd be far more at ease. I don't care she sells sex, I dont judge that, but I do care and judge that it affects the DC negatively.

I'm not sure how many more ways I can say this, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm sure you'll pick it apart and split a lit of hairs, but you know exactly what my point is.

If you don't say anything and there's a real problem with the child further down the line, will you be able to live with your silence?

Another voice of reason, and you're right, I'm not sure I could. I would feel complicit and an enabler.

Reporting her might be the kick up the bum she needs! And pp can moan how much they want about the term reporting but it is reporting, referring whatever you want to call it all the same thing!

I think it's better to report raise your concerns with SS and be wrong about it, rather than leave it to chance.

Please please contact SS. What you’ve described is clearly neglect.
I grew up in a home with neglect and abuse. People - neighbours, some family, mothers of school friends - were concerned, as I know now because some have since told me. But nobody reported it. Because they weren’t sure, felt guilty, felt sorry for my mother, wanted to be liberal. Whatever. The result was a deeply distressing childhood. I judge them very harshly, the people who did nothing.
Please do tell SS what you’re seeing.

Make a note of days, dates, times that her child is vulnerable in any way and report. Better safe than sorry.

What @Paperyfish said.

Report it, I doubt the children will be removed but it may lead to some much needed intervention.

I feel bad for her poor kids, so unfair.

Before (or in addition to) alerting SS of your concerns, you might ask her if she needs help, or if you can assist in any neighbourly way, if you are in a position to do that.

After all, “it takes a village to raise a child” and other wise stuff...

Report

There isnt any need to question yourself

if she needs help, or if you can assist in any neighbourly way, if you are in a position to do that.

As already said, we do this whenever possible. Have LENT not borrowed! her money (I say lent, but we've never had it back. But we wouldn't chase it either), we give her groceries, she's had lifts when she hasn't got money for public transport and my DH has done some emergency diy, we have her son here when she's with clients - we don't just sit here in our ivory tower. And, as already said, we have been snubbed by other neighbours for NOT snubbing her, because we do help, because we don't ban our DC from playing with hers, because we don't turn our backs and treat her like a Leper.

We work full time (in stereotypical menial 'working class' jobs before anyone suggests I think I'm superior, or whatever!), have our own DC and family commitments. What we already do to help is as much as we can offer. Her youngest is straight round here as soon as we walk through the door from school/work, where he often eats.

I think it is a great shame that what she does to make money is so well known locally. I don't think much of your neighbours for snubbing you just because you lend a helping hand but if no one knew, that wouldn't arise.

If you've had to lend her money and buy groceries, she can't be making that much!

Her child is being neglected.

This is the reason why you must make contact with SS

I reported my neighbour to SS recently and was told 'we don't just go and visit people'. It sounded very much like they do sod all.

They said unless it was the police contacting them, they wouldn't do a thing. They advised that if the children were ever left alone, to call the police who would then pass on a report (this has clearly not being happening as they weren't aware of several police incidents including violence and weapons and a court case).

I'd report as there have already been others given against your neighbour but you'll likely be ignored and it's frustrating knowing that the situation probably won't improve for the poor kid.

Hold on, I'm rubbing my eyes here.. you even have "snitch" in your name? There's no shame in your game!

What's with all this dry snitching on this forum? Can't people go up to an individual and say "do you need help?" Or "I'm concerned that if you do X, then Y might happen?"

Your post title is misleading
You want to report her because you are worried her kid is neglected 😩

Her job isn’t really the issue here , and using it in the post title makes your look judgier than necessary

This kind of neglect doesn’t really get addressed , but I am sure despite all her kid would want to be there and not with foster care

Don’t know what the answer is , I would
So some thinking before I made any report TBH

SS cannot did everything sadly

No not for her job. If that whats she had to feed and cloth her children so be it. Never judge what someone does to get food in their tummy. However for neglect yes def report to ss.

Poor poor child. And sad for the whole family. There may no great outcomes in this situ. But think you have to report it and continuing to be a good neighbour (which you obviously are) does not make you a bad person.

GinDaddy
How about you RTFT. The OP is the only one helping. If she wasn’t supporting the young children things would be much worse.

Are you really comfortable with the idea of prostitution being carried out in a home when young children are present?

Is it OK that the DC appear neglected?

So tell me how would you solve this one?

I would report to the family to your local MASH, Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub.

So you were prepared to send your child on an outing with a woman you consider is often unable to speak or walk properly due to using drugs?????

You have a duty to let ss know about the neglect. Don't beat yourself up trying to decide the kids are better off in care or with their mum. That's not your decision to worry about. Plus being open to ss does not automatically mean being taken into care.