...to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?

[ToBeASnitchOrNot]

Would you?

Shes admitted to me shes a prostitute. Sleeps with men for either money, jobs around the house or lifts. Laughed about it, has no shame about it, thinks nothing of it.

Known to me as my DC is friends with hers. We live in the same street. Her DC is only young and frequently left with irresponsible teen siblings while shes out with men. Or when she has her clients round at hers, which is very frequently, she sometimes sends the younger one round to us. She doesn't openly say to us shes sending DC to us because she is 'working' but we see the various different cars on her drive and put 2 and 2 together. But sometimes he doesn't want to stay at our place and goes home, where I assume he's left to his own devices. He gets upset if I try to get him to stay with us.

We've noticed shes also taken on a new client who is a neighbour. Again, shes not told us, but she never used to even say hi to this guy, but now shes started going round to his, curtains are drawn and she reappears an hour or so later. During one of these times her young DC walked round to us wearing only a pair of dirty tracksuit bottoms. Winter, raining, cold but no shoes top or coat.

In addition to this her house is filthy, she often looks like shes on drugs (unsteady on her feet, glazed eyes, a general 'away with the fairies' manner, the kid is rarely properly dressed or clean, and is rarely at school.

Shes been reported to SS before by a fellow concerned neighbour but she took off for 2 months to another country where her mum lives to escape it.

I feel I SHOULD back up other neighbour and report her as I'm concerned for the welfare of the young DC. But another part of me hates the whole 'snitching' side of it. When all is said and done, if SS have already been notified, and they've done nothing, should I really stick my beak in? Maybe they feel her DC is safe enough? Is it really my place?

But I'm worried her DC is left vulnerable and seeing/hearing more than they should and being neglected in terms of a proper stable home life, education etc.

WWYD?

I would report soley on the sex worker stuff let alone the neglect.She is seeing clients in the family home when she is in charge of her children.They are at risk of other unknown adults and not being prioritised.

This.

I might be going against the grain here, but I would speak to the school. They will have a safeguarding officer who can pass on your concerns and they can keep a closer eye on him. Also if SS are already involved they will know this. And if you are not satisfied with their response or nothing is done, you can always refer to SS at a later date.

I think the fact that she’s a sex worker who brings random clients into the family home would very much be of concern to SS actually.

But yes, clearly the neglect and other issues need reporting too.

Cross posted with pp.

Report for being a sex worker - no
Report for child neglect - yes

@Tangerinesandlemons, that is weighed up by the courts. Which is why many people who don't understand why children aren't being removed, criticise SS. But outcomes are calculated because they know the placements that they have available. So the decision is made to support the child at home, even with a level of neglect.
The child would only be removed if he was in immediate danger. That could be to a relative or even the OP.
The Mother would then be offered drug etc services.

*Otherwise I'd say take pictures of the cars etc and find a FB page to post them on.
*
Please don't do this. You leave yourself and her vulnerable to repercussions from angry punters. Sure some will just be misogynistic men wanting to get their dicks wet, but these men are already breaking the law. If they end up getting divorced or fired over those photos, they may not react well.

I would report an animal or a child being neglected. A sex worker no.

@PuppyMonkey, how would you prove it? Do you not think there's as many women having at home tinder hookups?

It's a grey area, there'd have to be a weigh able risk of harm. Would the OP be willing to name her neighbour as a client?

Except the title of your post is ". ..to report a mum to SS for being a prostitute?"

Because the prostitution per se is not my issue, BUT I do feel the prostitution is the reason for the childs neglect. I presume someone in that line of work has to take the work as and when its offered, so this means late nights/staying out/disappearing at short notice/having strangers come to her house. This impacts on how the child is cared for or what he may be exposed to. That's the reason I think its relevant to report it if I were to report. It's not a judgment of her profession. If she had no kids, or I could see there was no negative effects of it to her DC, I wouldn't consider reporting.

But the thing that puts me off reporting is that I believe she loves her DC and it's the reason she does what she does. If I report and she has to stop her means of income will that then leave them in even more poverty, potentially causing the loss of their home? She must be doing what she's doing because she feels she has no other option?

And I'm talking about this on a public forum, anonymously, because I'm genuinely torn and need some unbiased third-party thoughts, advice and opinions. I haven't given her name or bloody address have I?!

My childhood was too similar to this situation OP.
PLEASE report it.
Its left me with issues I will spend the rest of my life dealing with.

What does happen to children taken into care though. The Rochdale thing was a real eye opener are they safer in care?

Otherwise I'd say take pictures of the cars etc and find a FB page to post them on

No, I wont be doing this!

Prostitution is legal in the UK. I’m not one 😬 but a friend did it for a while, she paid tax and deducted her underwear expenses and everything. So YABU to report her for a legal profession.

The welfare of her child is a different matter. That said I would never involved social services unless the child was in major physical danger because the UK’s record of looking after children in its care is shocking. Have a google of care outcomes in the UK, read about how frequently children in care are abused by their ‘carers’ etc before deciding whether you are content to risk putting a child into that system. On the basis of what you’ve written it sounds to me like the child is not well looked after but they probably aren’t as neglected as they would be in the care system.

Well it’s not up to anyone to prove things, that’s why you report to SS so they can look further into things, do a full assessment etc.

You can't be naive enough to think parents only neglect their kids because they don't love them?

Look, while you're handwringing and talking this inside out on the internet. a child is being neglected.

Assuming you are in the UK, being paid for sex isn’t illegal. So what would you report her for? What’s illegal is running a brother (doesn’t sound like she is doing that), pimping and soliciting in a public place (doesn’t sound like she is doing that either). If she wants to have sex with men who give her money or gifts in return that’s not illegal or any of your business. You don’t even know if she really is doing that unless you have been in the house at the time. She might have said that’s what she does because she thinks it’s funny. Sounds more likely that she is doing drugs.

Likewise the dirty house is none of your business. But I would certainly contact someone, the NSPCC or social services a out the young child being out in the winter with no coat or shoes on.

I wouldn't report someone just for being a sex worker, provided they weren't seeing clients at home while the children were present.

This is a much bigger picture of neglect though. I'd report in a heartbeat.

It's not snitching, it's safeguarding.

You've borrowed money from her?!
No, she's borrowed money from us

I'm wondering about the neighbour frankly. Does he have a wife that you should be mentioning any of this to?
No wife, he lives alone. Whether he has a gf or not, I don't know. Never seen one personally. But I won't be concerning myself with his private life in that sense.

has no shame about it you do t know this and I would hope that she doesn’t.

You don't have to post somebody's name for you to provide enough details to make them identifiable to people around them. Which can be destructive on its own and/or spread to become even more damaging.

That's why, for instance, reporting of rape trials in the press will be carefully managed and vague about the victim so as not to make them identifiable to people around them despite withholding their name.

People need to stop trying to be so achingly cool about 'sex workers' around children. Ive been around that and it damages children massively, no matter how much its hidden.

Op you confused posters by saying you borrowed her money - you didn’t you lent her money.

Give social services a ring. They are there to help and protect the children, who sound neglected.

I think you need to be absolutely certain that a child is being neglected, not just based on a dirty house and one or two instances but consistent neglect. The woman obviously needs some friendly support but it may not be as bad as you think.

She was very stupid to tell anybody about her money making activities, that should have been kept strictly private and properly organised for when her child is not at home or is being looked after. A good friend could help and advise about that.

My neighbours know very little about me and I know next to nothing about them - pretty sure nobody is up to anything dodgy but if they were, I wouldn't know. That's how I like it. I have thought about moving recently but doubt I would find anywhere else so private, therefore intend to stay put while I can.

I grew up in an area where people knew all their neighbours' business or thought they did, they gossiped and speculated. I hated it and got away as soon as I could.