What do you like/dislike about MN ?

[Phoenixxx]

It's great to have an array of replies and opinions when you post, to know that others are in the same situation, to have something that has helped me to identify red flags and signs of abuse. To have people cheer you up and people to talk to any time of the day.
The only thing I dislike are the small number of posters who will criticise you no matter what you write, who make cruel comments.

I like being able to name-change. I have a close family member with a serious mental illness who also happens to be on MN. The name-change function means I can post on here asking for advice or venting about them and be sure it remains anonymous. It’s been a great help to me.

I have been brought up short occasionally when people have very strongly disagreed with something I’ve posted. Although it’s sometimes been uncomfortable reading it’s been good for me to have my thinking challenged and get fresh perspectives. Again, that’s only possible and safe because we can rely on the anonymity of the forum.

I dislike MN taking down threads because ‘the OP has RL concerns’. This only seems to happen when the OP is unhappy with the responses they have received.

I like the window into other people’s lives that this site gives me.

It’s very aggressive and nasty, I would say about 40-50% of the time.
Often I read threads, and think ahh I could be of some help here, then read the comments and think forget it, I don’t have the time to get involved in such negativity.
I think people like to be controversial whilst protected by anonymity. I don’t know many people in real life who are as cruel as some posters can be on here, I think they just say it to cause a fight.

But
There have been times when I posted asking for advice on the bereavement thread and the support that I was given was immeasurable so I still hang around, hoping I can repay someone else by offering them the same support I received.

@ShatnersWig - Pretty much.
I never before knew that if DH were to ask if I’m going out with ‘the girls’ I should verbally reprimand him, and depending on the board, LTB.

I dislike MN taking down threads because ‘the OP has RL concerns’. This only seems to happen when the OP is unhappy with the responses they have received.

Agreed. It's a public forum - if in doubt, don't post in the first place.

I was lurking on the Sleep boards seeking practical advice to improve my son’s sleeping. I really dislike the fact that if you let your kid cry at all (in an effort to teach them to fall asleep, as opposed to being rocked to sleep), you’re a cruel, heartless bastard. The answer seems always to be “just co-sleep”, which is completely ridiculous, in my view, and not what everyone wants to do. My son wouldn’t be interested in co sleeping, for example!

I really like the humour and threads about very specific things - there was an epic one about Northern Irish Protestant Tray Bakes a while back, which I hope made it into classics!

I don't like all the Meghan bashing threads either. If the people on some of these threads are so unpleasant and prone to think the worst at every opportunity in real life I feel sorry them and the people they know.

I think that's actually a good thing about MN. You don't just get posters saying 'Aw u ok hun, that's awful'. I think a lot of posters think that the only way to be kind is to agree completely with everybody. Given there are real people behind these posts with real lives I think that is often destructive. Despite what some posters think, all women aren't perfect and sometimes get things wrong or behave badly. If someone is being a bitch it's more constructive for their real life to (tactfully) tell them that.

This is often the case in MIL and DH threads. I remember one a couple of weeks ago which was about a DH whose uncle had died and he'd gone to his Mum. The OP was griping that he hadn't come home to help her with the kids and she was mainly told she was being unreasonable and to back down and have some sympathy. If she'd been on Netmums and said that it would have been 'That's out of order, you're tired and why can't they just phone each other? Tell him to come back now or his packed bags will be on the doorstep'. The advice from Netmums might have satisfied the poster short term by making them feel right, but would have created real relationship problems, problems in the wider family and could ultimately have ended a relationship so it wouldn't really be kind. The bluntness on here is often a good, constructive thing.

The other thing is that on here people pick up on things too. If someone posts on here and it's clear from their posts there is something not right, posters posters pick up on it and ask if they've discussed it with their doctor etc. By contrast on Netmum's there was a floridly mentally ill person with a lot of children posting about her relationship and other people getting involved like neighbours. It was quite obvious she was delusional from what she was saying but if you gently tried to suggest she might have a chat with her doctor you get PMs full of abuse. Much prefer MN straight talking.

How rude some people are. I hope to god they are not like that in real life.

The fact that outside organisations/people can shut down free speech.

q

The inconsistent moderation gets on my nerves, certain people can post whatever inflammatory guff they like and it stays put whilst others get deleted for very little.

LTB

Good things:

Huge array of topics
Very active
Female centred and led discussion

Bad things:

The 'old guard' who boss people around about 'the way things are done here'.
The faux-naive plaintive defence of any complaints of 'I've never seen anyone do that on MN' despite that being an almost guaranteed event on every thread.

And the worst of all:

People who use non-standard abbreviations in their posts.

E.g. DS. Except four pages later it transpires they mean Dear Secretary.

I like: the batshit threads which keep me entertained, the glimpse into lives very different from my own, the rare funny thread.

I really dislike: the rampant transphobia disguised as feminism, the massive skew towards the middle class in the user base that sometimes makes peoples' answers irrelevant or insensitive.

Like - kindness, patience, solidarity, camaraderie. Considered responses to help strangers in their time of need. Good humour.

Dislike - transphobia, right-wing apologism, anglocentrism, people who don't take any of the advice they are asked for, snootiness, those who subtly shame SAHP or those on benefits, harking back to MN glory days.

I agree moderation can seem haphazard sometimes. I once referred to someone as an ‘old biddy’. I made it clear in the comment that I was of an age to be considered an ‘old biddy’ myself but the post was still deleted by MN because it was considered ageist. I am still surprised by it as it seems a very mild term compared to some of the language that seems to be acceptable.

But perhaps some of you will come on now to correct me and let me know why that term is unacceptable. Old as I am, I’m always willing to learn!

Brexit intolerance and hate speech

I also hate the way some posters trip over themselves to agree with who they decide is mn “royalty”, screeds of “I agree with XX” and “what XX said” when they haven’t said anything significantly different from hundreds of others. The sycophantic fawning over “named” posters is boak making.

Im with you on that one. One in particular I've noticed. They never have anything different to add, just perhaps say it in fewer words than pps.

I detest the DC aged 2 has severed a main artery and has their head hanging off would it be advisable to visit A&E? type of threads.
Always followed by "no OP call 111 first".

Then there's the folks asking for money saving cooking tips as they're forced to live out of food banks and some MN users (who are inacapable of comprehending not everybody has a kitchen the size of a football pitch equipped with an Aga, advise that they could easily feed a family of 20 with 2 small chickens and a pile of cous cous for a fortnight".but then I guess their electric is on direct debit not a prepayment key meter 🤷🏼‍♀️

Other than that I find MN very entertaining and have received some kind advice on a few things 👌🏻

See what I mean? The second anyone brings up racism it brings out abuse and bullying (and the lies!! God, the endless, endless lies.)

I've never been banned. Never even been suspended. If you want to troll-hunt, email MNHQ and they will confirm it.

I didn't lie. I was referring to exactly what you've just done here. I thought you were a PBP, you say you're not, but you have no more idea who is a PBP than anybody else does, maybe like you, there's just somebody who was banned who has similar opinions to you? You're a damn hypocrite complaining about being called a PBP when you have no more idea than anyone else.

Aren't you tired of lying and strawmanning yet? You know full well that's a massive lie. I've explicitly said at least a dozen times that plenty of the Meghan criticism is NOT racist and is entirely justified, and I've been very critical of her myself. And no one is talking about "criticism" they are talking about the outright bashing and personal abuse Meghan and any POC poster who dares to breath receives here. Unless you'd like to explain how being called a "shit for brains stupid nr" is "criticism"?

I don't personally know an in depth history of your posting and I wasn't referring to insults of the type you just linked to. I've just noticed every single Meghan post gets taken down. Did I even mention Meghan by name? I don't think I did but can't check because my post has been taken down because you reported it. It doesn't exactly create the impression you're open to debating other ways of thinking if you report posts disagreeing with you then post really aggressive responses comparing people who aren't keen on Meghan to organisations which have been complicit in genocide which is disgusting and offensive.

And again you are being a hypocrite because you're whining about being called a PBP then clearly implying you think I'm one:

Aren't you tired of lying and strawmanning yet? You know full well that's a massive lie. I've explicitly said at least a dozen times that plenty of the Meghan criticism is NOT racist and is entirely justified, and I've been very critical of her myself. And no one is talking about "criticism" they are talking about the outright bashing and personal abuse Meghan and any POC poster who dares to breath receives here. Unless you'd like to explain how being called a "shit for brains stupid nr" is "criticism"?

I've posted once on this thread and interacted with you maybe once before and haven't even posted many times, just lurked and read a lot. Yet you're assuming I have some long history of lying and interacting with you which I don't.

Perhaps you might like to have a sit down and think about treating other people in the way you want to be treated.

Now that the only person in rl that I talked to has passed over, MN is even more invaluable for advice, or just to listen.

I like how caring some posters are on here - the same names pop up when good advice is being given. I think some really do care about the strangers they come across which is nice

I hate dislike posters that don't RTFT and give awful advice because they've only read the first page

I love the fact that posters often get the advice they need, rather than the advice they would have liked to get. And that foolish questions are given short shrift.

I dislike dogged use of the correct acronym even when it's not true ie how many threads about DHs who prove to be anything but Dear or Darling.

I personally don't like the threads about Xfactor and similar programs, where all the competitors are completely slagged off.

I don't like being told off for not RTFT before posting a response to the OP, because the thread is 20 pages long and I don't have the time.

In truth MN brings out the best and worst in people. I see so many people getting such amazing support, and such kindness.
For any thing that truly irks, I am particularly fond of the hide button.