DS(8) strange obsession

[Namechangelar]

Okay so I’ve NC for this as very outing, but I’d like some opinions about my son and where I should draw the line and possibly some suggestions as to why my son is like this.

My DS is nearly 8 and for some time he has had an obsession with things that are very old. He loves history, but this is next level. For Christmas he asked Santa for an old oil painting similar to one we had seen in a charity shop. We thought he’d forget about it as what kid wants one of those, but he went on about it for weeks until we were at the point of we can’t not get it because it would ruin Christmas! He is nearly 8 ffs!

What concerns us is that this isn’t the first odd gift, he got some money for Christmas and now has a collection of thimbles and old carriage clocks, prior that he has bought items such as an old mirror and and old trinket box. My grandpas house is more modern than his bedroom so it’s not like this is a role model scenario, but the place looks like an old girls house clearance.

He is into “normal” 8 year old boy things too, Lego, wrestlers, reading books etc but this year for his birthday he has asked for an old carpet and I just cannot deal. These are not normal requests and whilst I thought I’d be very much you like what you like, I’m not seeing the no fucks side because I feel it’s a pattern of strange behaviour and I don’t know how to deal with the situation the best.

I can’t take him into charity shops without him wanting to look through all the knickknack crap, it’s painful, he begs me to let him spend his money on a porcelain dog and a pocket watch! It’s not even old cars etc, just pure crap.

We are lucky to have a large living area so when friends come to play they don’t have to see his room and I feel awful for even saying that, but I don’t want him to be bullied at school just for liking all this old toot! Is this just a phase he will grow out of or could there be something underlying here? As time goes on I think it’s more than just being an old soul, he wouldn’t be bothered if I said no clubs or tv if he was naughty, but if I took the flipping oil painting away for a week I think he’d feel that was the biggest punishment from the above.

Any suggestions MN?

Collect junk?, number one here, never ever throw away anything:!

Fit in at school?, no i didn't, didn't want to either go your own way do your own thing was my idea:)

So much so they had a child psycho in to see me!, he just thought that I needed a better school rather the the one i was at, which was bogged down in religious dogma!

He sounds like a breath of fresh air to me.

At that age I used to collect stones. A lot harder for my parents to stop that as they are everywhere 😂. They would empty my pockets and find loads of boring looking stones. Am so glad they just accepted me for being me. My mates collected football stickers or pokemon so it is very normal to be into collecting things at that age.
I would get fools gold and pretty quartz as presents and be really chuffed. Be proud your child has the confidence to be themself

How about you support his interests rather than coming across as almost embarrassed ? He sounds awesome and I love that he’s interested in older things rather than LOL Dolls , slime and other kid things . It’s good to be different and he sounds smart ! My husband has always been interested in old things since being a child , and owns a lot of pocket watches ! He won’t become a hoarder , just find some nice ways of storing things in his room and tell him that he can have X Y and Z if he gets it with his own money but as long as it can be stored away properly as he needs to look after them as they’re old . It’s all about learning .

What are you worried about?

Him becoming the next James harries?

OP your kid sounds amazing! It's great that his interests don't fit the social norm, he might go on to become a historian or something. Try and support him as much as possible but why don't you gently encourage other activities, like taking him to see a football match at an old stadium?

He sounds awesome

A lot of the things you are describing are very tactile. It might make him feel more secure being able to have things that feel nice to him in colour, texture and scent, compared to nylon, plastic and melamine. A brand new rug or carpet absolutely stinks and can irritate the skin far more than a traditionally made one. I'd go for a rug in natural fibres and a traditional pattern/colour that he likes, rather than an actually old one for the moth reasons, though.

I can imagine that he will be over the moon when he discovers tweed and flannel, pure cotton and linen, as then his clothes and furnishings will be nice to touch as well - children's clothes are bloody awful, as are most adult's mass produced ones.

The thing is that, as a child, his design tastes and organisational abilities are limited. It might not be a design style you personally like, but it works - a dark wood bookcase, wardrobe, bed and chest of drawers would work fine with certain paint colours (I like a smoky blue-grey, dusky leaf green, the sort of things you get in a Farrow and Ball paint chart, but obviously the cheaper versions). He'd most likely enjoy having things properly displayed, rather than just dumped on top of IKEA shelves.

Bet he'd like a few plants as well.

This taste can be linked to any diagnosis, but is also a valid design choice in its own right. And a passion for things with a bit of history attached to them would perfectly suit a future antiques dealer, a lecturer in Naval history or Archaeology or just the guy who turns up to formal occasions immaculately dressed in what he likes and suits him, rather than whatever disposable fashion everybody else wears.

My ds went through a phase of collecting charity shop granny-style trinkets at that age. Im v sad it's passed and all his interests are now minecraft, minecraft and minecraft. I cant compute wanting your child to be more ordinary!

Apologies, i hadnt read your update on p.2. It sounds like there are other issues, but the collecting/ hoarding random stuff is pretty normal for kids. My 5yo is holding on to various random bits of toy packaging and odds and sods from party bags like grim death. Drives me nuts as i am the opposite of a hoarder.

At his age I was an avid collector of cigar bands. Had an album to stick them in.

He sounds fantastic, I'd be really proud if I were you. Minecraft and ninjago get a little dull after a while.

Just wait until he sees Raiders of the Lost Ark.

You would be completely reasonable to refuse to buy him a bullwhip.

How lovely that he has a different interest! I believe this should be encouraged. Please don't shame him! In today's world young kids are expected to do things that they don't actually want to do creating a whole heap issues.
Be interested in what HE wants/likes NOT what you think he should because you believe it's odd, he doesn't see it as odd. He's exploring his interests. How wonderful.

My son loves rocks/stones! You many call it an obsession but I call it uniqueness. He finds the most weirdest, oddest stones and keeps them. I love his collection. They're very unusual.

Christ. You sound horrendous. Poor little lad. He has an interest and a like and you’re embarrassed by him. Hopefully when he is a teenager he will have an interest in drugs and drink and that’ll make you happy as it’s more mainstream.

He sounds great. Let him enjoy his interests.

I think his interests are really cool 😊 id be happy that he's showing an interest in history and support that. When I was younger I loved looking around graveyards and was really interested in ghosts! I use to drag my parents around graveyards and stand there reading them all! I'd like to think I've turned into a "normal" adult 😊 I'm still fascinated by the spiritual world though.

How lovely that he has these interests. Far healthier imo than a child who just wants to spend all his time staring at a screen.

Thanks all, I understand that some have just read the first post which I didn’t explain myself very well in so there’s no offence taken.

I am proud of both of them, they are so aware of the world around them and love doing their bit to protect the planet, I really couldn’t want for more in that sense. It is purely the meltdowns and behaviour side that concerns me and I worry it will only get worse if I don’t rein that side of it in. A classic example would be something he’d seen in the window of a charity shop he wanted to look at but when we went the next day it had been sold. It was of course my fault and he won’t let me forget that. He got very stroppy over it, refused his dinner and still mentions it now. That side of it is utterly shit as a parent.

I do like to keep a tidy and clean home as I’m sure everyone else does, but he is very short tempered over me touching and moving these things and it’s like the end of the world if they go back to their places in the wrong angle and I do get shouted at for this which is new as it’s always been unacceptable (but yes occasionally happens) in our household.

In a way I think an additional needs assessment may help me cut him a bit more slack as then I know he can’t help it. Up until now it’s like he is just highly strung, but I don’t know enough at this point.

At his infant school he was written off a bit as the naughty child as he does like to be the class clown and would always be the one that was told off. It’s at the point where it isn’t fair for other children who are also entitled to an education if he is just dismissive of them. I know he doesn’t mean to be, but it is like he doesn’t have that filter to think of the feelings of others, despite me being firm on this. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde in that he can be so so lovely, but then wouldn’t think twice about calling someone fat bum, regardless of having a fat bum or not and me telling him off for saying things that could upset someone.

I have been asked by the school to keep a diary and I will be honest about it because I want him to have the right support so he can self regulate. Now I’ve put it into perspective of it just being a collection of things I find it easier to lighten up, but I can’t get passed the behaviour side. It’s a whole lot more than calling someone poo face.

Do you really Need an assessment to cut him some slack? Can’t you just do it anyway?

In terms of his 'unusual' interest, I was wondering if you could somehow tap into his interest by introducing him to collecting antiques properly.
Learning about what's valuable, what's a good bargain, what is likely to increase in value and what is absolute crap.
Intoduce him to artists and provenance.
Ask is it that atracts him to a particular piece? Encourage him to be discerning.
Does he watch things like antiques roadshow/bargain hunt?

The SN is something that you need to ask the school/gp for help with so you can all work together to help with the bullying/controlling/disruptive issues.

@StinkyWizleteets I can and I do, but I won’t tolerate rude or spiteful behaviour from him the same as any other parent shouldn’t.

He is only on the radar of the sen, the next step is the gp and an assessment referral, but in the meantime he is no better than anyone else and I won’t defend bad behaviour that presents itself that way. I don’t want him or my dd growing up thinking the world owes them something, he cannot treat people that way.

I've just read your updates and I'm sorry about my previous comment. I think by what you describe in his behaviours that he could have some additional learning needs. I hope his school are able to support you all on this journey.

I wanted to pick up on the "cutting slack" comment. Please don't cut him slack. With or without a diagnosis. How you do it is what matters. Having firm boundaries and being clear with expectations should be the same for all children - SEN or otherwise. I think perhaps what you mean is how you deal with consequences for bad behaviour and how you impose those boundaries. That will differ for children with SEN compared with neurotypical children. And it will differ based on diagnosis. I think for now try to maintain the expectations and focus on how you deal with the consequences aspect of it. It sounds difficult. I hope you get the support you and he need

What’s the harm? It’s a bit eccentric but hey, the best people are eccentric. Let the lad have his porcelain dogs!

I think he sounds like an awesome, interesting kid. Maybe he's just an "old soul."